Jesus is my training wheels. profile picture

Jesus is my training wheels.

North American by birth, Dumbass by choice. My continent is number 1 (as long as you don't count Bel

About Me

umcomfortably silent in light of impending darkness. (oops, got a little goth there for a few moments, bitchslaps are graciously accepted. no refunds w/o a receipt. exchanges are verbal not (con)genital in nature.)
my bones are a little bloated right now and my ass makes these pants look fat. asshole.

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My Interests

Think you're B-ADD? Gloves off. Volume 10. Knives optional..COLOR ME BADD (you should put your hand over your heart when you read this or at least hands together in a prayer like fashion.)The Beatles, Beastie Boys, The Dixie Chicks, Color Me Badd... great patriotic American boy bands that will live on forever. And CMB’s shit ain't romantic either, they just pussied it down for uptight “wreckid” exec’s and MTV (and maybe VH1 and perhaps some of those minor shows everyone forgot: The Box, Friday Night Videos, Cable Access, The Cosby Show).Here's the real lowdown on these masterpieces: "I wanna sex you up" was "I wanna fuck you up and make you watch as we run a pastel inspired train on your surviving family." It's all politics. And everyone was into peace back then and not into CMB-style street violence. Gangsta ballads was a new phenomenon. Eazy.-E got the AIDS to this song. True story, he was sharing a needle with Magic Johnson at a celebrity golf outing while making love to the same “ho” in the port-a-shitter."All 4 Love" is all 4 members putting it in all 4 of your major orifices. It was called "Drink, Fight, Fuck, Rinse, Repeat." Studios said gay it up a bit and wah-lah, a tongue in cheek masterpiece on not really loving someone and just being in it for “duh sex.” Limp Bizkit’s “Nookie” was a more sensitive knockoff."I adore mi amor" was about the barriers created between language and a misunderstanding over overseas consent laws. It was actually written in a Japanese prison. Bush Sr. got them pardoned. He actually was in Japan and puked when he heard “some good American men are in prison here, sir.” The first war with Saddham was dedicated to them. They sang the national anthem at Yankee stadium and threw the first pitch. There wasn’t a dry eye in the building. Mostly cause it was raining and everyone had their hats off.“Choose” was written to fulfill contractual obligations, but when you play it backwards it reveals their diabolical plot to fall off the face of the Earth and let the next wave of boy bands take their place. Mission accomplished. Actually an ode to Black Sabbath for putting up with a shitty singer for so long.“I wanna sex you up” .. width="425" height="350" ..“all 4 love (and roast beef sandwiches)” .. width="425" height="350" ..“I a door, me a more” .. width="425" height="350" ..“Choose (pro death)” .. width="425" height="350" ..“Fuck you up live.” No lip syncing or choreography, just plain old asskicking gangsta style. .. width="425" height="350" ..

I'd like to meet:

Anyone. I'm indiscriminate unlike you.Name / losername:

Lame Acronym Generator
From Gofuckyourselfintheass.comI edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4

My Blog

20 Questions times 2 plus 12 while pondering my plumber's crack.

1. Do you like Chinese food?Insert requisite cat reference here.2. How big is your bed?Big enough to leave everyone who lies on it unsatisfied, every time.3. Is your room clean?Well, lets just say its...
Posted by Jesus is my training wheels. on Tue, 19 Sep 2006 05:53:00 PST

The vulgarity of numbers for the ages (or ageisms).............................................

How Old Were You The First Time You...Had your first real kiss?: 9, My dad on his junk. Just kidding. It wasn't real.Thought you were in love?: 16, I really just stepped in shit without shoes.Actuall...
Posted by Jesus is my training wheels. on Wed, 13 Sep 2006 08:32:00 PST

Rigor mortis has set in on my old profile......

It got boring so here it is for both of you who actually liked it. You're so easily amused. I love it, not you. And I'm fucking dead serious about it so get it through your fucking skull or I'll br...
Posted by Jesus is my training wheels. on Fri, 25 Aug 2006 10:07:00 PST

I got dumped (x2)

In person, on the phone, and in email form. That's three times in one day. One holiday, that is. So the titles complete bullshit. Where's a Penn and Teller to do their weakest episode to date?I'm ...
Posted by Jesus is my training wheels. on Tue, 04 Jul 2006 01:04:00 PST

Mass mudering miracle? Not today, not yet.

The average, healthy male releases somewhere between 120 million and 600 million sperm each time he ejaculates, and manufactures an estimated 400,000,000,000 sperm in his lifetime. Goddamn that's a ...
Posted by Jesus is my training wheels. on Mon, 19 Jun 2006 10:20:00 PST

Get to love me beyond that calm cool flawless exterior.

1. Initials:I never initiate shit. Only overreact. Why? Do you want to fight.2. What color socks are you wearing?I'm not racist. But I like my socks like I love my women. Snug, comfy, and full of work...
Posted by Jesus is my training wheels. on Fri, 03 Mar 2006 12:00:00 PST

Give it up for Lent. Get those devil horns up!!

For the catholics and people into death metal and everyone in between. I'm giving up the following for lent: Catholicism, non-victimless sinning, voting for election rigging, pushing my soon to be...
Posted by Jesus is my training wheels. on Thu, 02 Mar 2006 11:32:00 PST

YOU GOTS QUESTIONS, I GOTS FAKE ASS ANWERS

My ex was... depending in which one you're talking about and your forensic credentials, you could probably figure a lot out by the stains. Maybe I should... stop thinking that everything should ...
Posted by Jesus is my training wheels. on Tue, 21 Feb 2006 12:42:00 PST

6 signs you're in love or just a closet stalker waiting to emerge from a haze of delusion.

1-soon as you get online - whos name do you look at first? and more importantly who are they looking up first? who's first national bank? "what are you fucking a banker on the side now too? you wh...
Posted by Jesus is my training wheels. on Thu, 16 Feb 2006 11:33:00 PST

Foolproof Valentine's Day Plans

Actually it's the perfect day. And since I was in boy scouts, not just for the molesting like most of you weirdos, I've planned this out to a T, aka Mr. T. Let me tell you about the lucky lady, my ...
Posted by Jesus is my training wheels. on Tue, 14 Feb 2006 12:45:00 PST