Baltimore, frenching in the front seat - fingering in the back, master charge, hot sauce, puffy scabs, flashcards, corner-shelves, metal shop, night swimming, teddy ruxpin, the sears catalog, stretch armstrong, AFL/NFL metal lunchbox, deviated septums, red-pepper flakes, flat-tops, fresh-cut grass, big wheels, neckbraces, hand stamps, stand-up urinals and sit-down dinners, don pepino, sorrento's of arbutus, curveballs, community college, crabbing, salt water, bull lips, taping up, taints, neosporin, junkyards, culdesacs, scars, black lifeguards, carnivals, fishing, prison farts, pizza, steamed crabs, big wheels, tool sheds, camden yards, the underdog, junior varsity, bag balm, the 912 propane tank, above ground pools, tunnels, forts made out of shit around the house, ColecoVision, out-of-state hand jobs, southpaw hand jobs, lip gloss, big wheels, ginger ale - especially when I fly, thin mints, Orange Julius, pit beef, Little Italy - Baltimore, bingo, late night phone calls, common sense, Reese's peanut butter cups, fried dough, lemonade, powdered sugar (when I'm in the mood), Snap-On tools, the blues, rope swings, roller coasters, pool hopping, spades, yahtzee, tent sex, deer leg table-lamps, microwave shortcuts,
I'd like to meet:
Troubled teens with a penchant for busting locks, preferably on small shit like tool sheds. Strippers who weren't molested and their step-uncles who weren't prosecuted for it. Chicks with multiple restraining orders. Amputee porn stars. Homeless Ninjas. Obese women with bad teeth but flawless french-tip pedicures - forget about your body, make sure your toes look flawless - that's what everyone notices anyway. Midgets with normal-sized children. Anyone who has ever been cut off at an "Oxygen Bar". Fat kids with confidence. Indians who are allergic to turquoise. Asians named Earl. Dominicans who can't throw a curve. Armenians who don't wear velour sweatsuits. Senior Citizens looking for threesomes. People allergic to asphalt. Kenyans who come in last place in marathons. Carnival folk who aren't addicted to meth. Heroin success stories. 7' Mexicans. Mothers and daughters who strip at the same club - I got singles y'all.
Music:
The hand that put Baltimore on the map.
Movies:
Go to CUTMANTHEMOVIE.COMand win this Curtis Dickey light switch.
Television:
The Wire, Deadwood, Rome, The Sopranos, Discovery, Family Guy, Big Love, South ParkClutch.
Heroes:
Pretty standard here: Capes, tights, super powers, magical powers - notice I said magical powers and not just magic.
Continuing: I really don't care if you can freeze or melt shit. I can do that. I'm sayin, if you can't fly, get out ma face.
Soul Crushing
