About Me
"The Center Divider Of Death (Made Us Miss The Warped Tour)"
"Shelby Soho" aka "Shelby Made Me Write This Song, So Blame Her!"
"Don't"
"I'll Make You See Stars If You Sing That Song One More Time"
"Saying You Don't Believe In Gay Marriage Is Like Saying You Do Believe In The War In Iraq" (This song is way too political for me, man)
"If She Punches You In The Face Afterward, She Didn't Have A Good Time" aka "Lily Allen Wrote A Much Better Song Than I Did About This Subject"
The Tale of Peter Awesome--
Almost 21 years ago, in the far reaches of the East Coast of the United States of America, a woman was in the midst of giving birth at New York University Hospital. After a grueling 34 hours in labor, something happened. Something great... something mind-boggling... something...
awesome.
The baby wasn't really pushed out, but more "swan dove" out of his mother, landing upright on feet, and, to the disbelief of everyone in the room, uttered it's very first words:
"Let's f**kin' RAGE!"
Right away, he started fighting off evil doers all over the world with his magic laser eyes, flying, and the ability to shoot spaghetti out of his fingers. He was known as the greatest super hero ever, seeing as how he was the only REAL one and not made up in a comic book.
But, after 20 years of amazing crime-fighting, he grew weary. He thought to himself, "Ever since the day I was born, I have protected the good people of this planet. But, I can't take this sort of responsibility anymore! I am almost through with my teen years, and I haven't even experienced the many things normal Earth children get to experience like friendship and... and... love. I must do something."
With that, he took off into the sky and began flying around the planet to reverse it's rotation. He totally came up with this idea by himself. Anyway, he reversed time all the way back to 9 months before his birth on March 23rd, 1987 to the day his parents conceived him. He then switched the glass of radioactive fluid next to his parents' bed with a normal glass of water while his parents weren't looking, ensuring he would not be born super.
He then faded away as he was brought into this world a new person.
He grew up being made fun of throughout elementary school, middle school, and even high school. Because of this, he grew angry at the world and frustrated at the amount of stupidity surrounding him. He always kept in his anger, though, for fear that his true form would show.
Unfortunately, it didn't work for very long. After the near destruction of a science lab in Berkeley, California, he decided he should find a different way to vent his anger. That's when he happened upon an acoustic guitar while walking in the park one day. He decided to pick it up out of curiosity. No one began yelling at him, so he took it home with him. The rest, as they say, is history.
Thanks for reading this. It took a while. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Laters.
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