I am a dog, and as you can see, I am very pretty. Everyone tells me how pretty I am alllll the time, and I believe them. My mommy is a bitch, she combs my hair and makes it hurt. Ow! Why does she do that? Also she makes me take baths which i hate, even though I know that she is the only person who feeds me. Someday I will kill her, and then I will be the leader. Sometimes mommy introduces me to other people who are trying to take over my spot in the pack (the pack is me and mommy) so I show them! I hump their leg and say "Take that, stupid". and then I am in charge again. I call every type of toy a "Blue Bunny" and so I have all kinds of toys that all have the same name. I wake my mommy up at five in the morning when I have to poop so she can take me outside. I don't know whey she gets mad! If I were her, I'd just sleep all day instead of doing that stupid thing she does at a desk all the time. I know lots of tricks. I'll bet I know more than you. I know "sit" and "stay" and "up". I'll bet you don't know what "up" is, do you? stupid? You're stupid. That's why i get cookies and you don't. I also know what a "leash" is.. Do you?????I didn't always live with mommy. Before Mommy I lived in a strange bad place with other dogs who all hated me because I was so much prettier. It was like a jail. Mommy came in and saved me and took me immediately to have a bath because I was so dirty. When I was dry mommy was surprised because I actually had white on me, and before, when I was dirty, she thought I was all brown. isn't that stupid? The food was really bad.Now sometimems I go to a place with other dogs but only for a short while. I think mommy takes me there because everyone there loves me so much and they would die without me.Mommy is a big white ape with no hair. She can't talk, she can only make stupid sounds and knows only a few words, like my name, "walk", and "hotdog". She's very stupid but necessary. She is so ugly. Sometimes I feel bad that she is so ugly, and has no hair. All her friends are ugly too. You all smell.
