Chunks McGillicudy

OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.When I was nine years old I told my parents that I wanted to celebrate Chanukah. I made a yarmulkes out of pink construction paper and played spin the draddle with my next door neighbor.When I was fourteen years old I joined a gang of Hasidic Jews who went around Melrose and tagged the Star of David.Proud to be a convert"Kill everyone. Condone first degree murder. Advocate cannabalism. Eat Shit. Filth is my politics--filth is my life!"Pet Peeves: Bad Dance Face, Pubes on the soap, Tasmanian-devil-smoking-a-joint tattoos, car decals featuring Calvin pissing on ANYTHING.There was a period of around three weeks I listened to Dr. Dre's THE CHRONIC exclusively, but I think that it was mainly for one (albeit sad) reason: I had the lines down and, with bass turned up in me 'ride,' like to rap along and-ahem-pretend that the lyrics in some way, ANY way, applied to my life. One of my favorites: Dint nobody wanna speak now they/peepin out they window when they hear me beepin up the street/Is it DRE?/Is it DRE?/that's what they say/everysingle motherfukin' day and, of course, the universally empowering lines, like "you fuked with me, now it's a must that I fuc with you." It feels good to believe that's ACTUALLY your lifestyle...but, um, yeah. The novelty wore off.Quite possibly one of the best commercials ever and one of my favorite songs. Thanks to the French for this one! Click here to watch 'AIDES59'