Hellion of Troy #317 profile picture

Hellion of Troy #317

It is the sign of a man who knows himself royally, crowned with the sun, his feet gripping the earth

About Me

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"I believe art is utterly important. It is one of the things that could save us. We don't have to rely totally on experience if we can do things in our imagination.... It's the only way in which you can live more lives than your own."
-Mary Oliver
"Beside the fire, as the wood burns black, a laughing dancer in veils of light, whose dance transforms the darkness to gold." - Adu Abd Allan ben Abi-l-Khisal
"I've always like the time before dawn because there's no one around to remind me who I'm supposed to be, so it's easier to remember who I am."

"Let me fling my life like a flaming firebrand into the gathering darkness of the world." -Albert Schweitzer
Being okay with yourself is the most necessary thing for being able to live your life right. To know yourself, to respect yourself, to be unafraid to say what you think or do what you want to do and to make no apologies to anyone for who and what you are, to be unafraid to step away from those who try to stifle that about you or tell you that you are wrong for being honest. You must find your Self, hold it, nurture it, learn to live comfortably with it even when it makes others uncomfortable.
I am ME. I am a Roller Derby Chick. I am a bellydancer, moving with the earth in strong beauty. I play with fire. I am a survivor of domestic abuse. I am a human being with a VOICE. I am proudly and beautifully tattooed, and it's not over yet. I am a nerd. I am a huge potty-mouth. I'm loud and blunt and honest. I am compassionate and passionate. I adore spontaneity but I also like to make plans. I'm a big goober and I love to laugh. I believe that stuffed animals have feelings. I like to climb trees and swing on swings. My roller skates are my favorite shoes. Everything fascinates me. I look at people's stuff because it helps me to know them. I will talk to just about anyone because they might tell me something important that teaches me. I love rich, bright colors. I like to find beauty in all kinds of things and create from it. I find other cultures beautiful and holy. I am spiritually eclectic and I believe in things that make sense to me. I like to hug people. I adore artistic therapy.

"Dance when you're broken open;
Dance when you've torn the bandage off
Dance in the middle of fighting
Dance in your blood
Dance when you're perfectly free.
Struck, the dancer hears a tambourine inside her
Like a wave that crests into foam at the very top begins.
Maybe you don't hear that tambourine or the tree leaves clapping time
Close the ears on your head, they listen mostly to lies and cynical jokes;
There are other things to see, and hear: Music. A brilliant city inside your soul."
- Rumi
My favorite thing about life is that bad things turn into good things. All things will die and be reborn in good time. Whether or not you see that is up to you. Lush, green life grows best when you toss a lot of shit on it. People who have never had to survive bad things are shallow, ignorant, and have no substance because they are not well-rounded souls. Your suffering makes you whole and it gives you compassion when you can be selfless enough to accept it. Life shifts its shape too often to keep up. I stopped having expectations and I just wait to see what happens next.
"You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing, and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life." - Krishnamurti

My Interests

Creating things of beauty. Seeing others create things of beauty. Goddamn Roller Derby!!! Burning Man. Bellydancing. Flingin' fire. Striped socks. Running through the screen doors of discretion. My amazingly wonderful boyfriend. Being an Innuendo Ninja, People-watching from high up places, porch swings, climbing trees, going on Chikstok trips with Amber, having adventures of any kind, my family, random acts of kindness, old things, dead things, old dead things, sewing, fencing, photography, biking, hiking, swimming (part fish here), camping, horseback riding, making music, doing Mehndi (Henna body art), art of all kinds, interesting tattoos, anything Faery or Greenman-related, archaeology, monkeys, mummies (especially tattooed mummies), old maps, wierd and disgusting medical conditions and cultural customs, spiritual diversity, forensics, microscopes, knitting & fiber art, growing plants, campy horror movies, avant-garde makeup, beautiful masks, my pets. LIVING LIFE.

I'd like to meet:

"The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring in your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being a human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "YES!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where, or what, or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Music:

I like most things, especially when they make me FEEL or just get me all riled up. I love Loreena McKennitt. Her music blows me away. Some others: Andrew Bird, Bonnie Prince Billy, Lizzie West & the White Buffalo, Gary Numan, Cathie Ryan, Annbjorg Lien, Martine Lund Hoel, Flogging Molly, B.T., Hevia, Jeff Buckley, The Shins, Blue October, The Sisters of Mercy, The Servant, Moby, Prodigy, Pentaphobe, Rasputina, Medieval Baebes, Battlefield Band, Silly Wizard, Altan, Dave Matthews, Dar Williams, Catie Curtis, Beth Hart, Live, U2, The Flaming Lips, Rachid Taha, Cheb Khaled, Ravi Shankhar, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, Simon Shaheen, Midge Ure & Ultravox, John Denver (no laughing!!!), Cat Stevens, Dobie Gray, most stuff from the '40s, '50s and '60s, Simon & Garfunkel, Billie Holiday, Steeleye Span, The Pentangle, Dead Can Dance, Peter Gabriel, Audioslave, Static X, White Zombie/Rob Zombie, Skunk Anansie, Imbrue, and my favorite angry boys Caustic Lye (these guys totally kick ass) www.thelye.com

Movies:

Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus. It's brilliant and beautiful. GRINDHOUSE, motherfuckers! Stranger Than Fiction, Idiocracy, Secretary, Spanglish, Lady in the Water, Pan's Labyrinth, Boondock Saints, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Night at the Museum, The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada, What Dreams May Come, Dead Poets' Society, Harold and Maude, Waking Ned Devine, The Full Monty, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, The Fisher King, Altered States, Instinct, Kingdom of Heaven, What the Bleep do We Know?, Mirrormask (drool), James and the Giant Peach, the original Willy Wonka, almost any zombie/cheesy/obscure horror movie esp. George Romero films, Cheesy SciFi, Goonies, Evil Dead 1 and 2, Army of Darkness, Indiana Jones (oh hell yes), Fried Green Tomatoes, The Secret of Roan Inish, The Matchmaker, The Fifth Element, Amelie, The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, Donnie Darko, Constantine, Office Space, Nacho Libre, Monty Python flicks, The Storyteller, Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal, Legend, Willow, and anything else that makes me laugh, I love funny stuff.

Television:

BONES!!!!! Scrubs, House, CSI. I don't have cable so I don't watch TV really. I watch a lot of movies while I'm doing other things.

Books:

I will read just about anything that can teach me something I didn't know before. Currently reading "Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls" by Mary Pipher, Ph.D. Shel Silverstein. Anything he wrote. I love that man, he was wacky beautiful."Caliban's Hour" by Tad Williams, "The Lovely Bones" and "Lucky" by Alice Sebold, Madeleine L'Engle, Anything by Kahlil Gibran, Roald Dahl (especially James & the Giant Peach and The Witches), "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair, "Lame Deer: Seeker of Visions" by John Lame Deer and Richard Erdoes, C.S. Lewis, "Tuesdays With Morrie" by Mitch Albom, "The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver, "The Ordinary Princess" by M.M. Kaye, "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley, "Anthem" by Ayn Rand, "The Velveteen Rabbit", "Fear of Flying" by Erica Jong, Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum books, "The Green Man" and "The Faery Reel" by Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling, "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman, "Stardust" by Neil Gaiman & Charles Vess, "Good Omens" by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, "Hitchhiker's Guide" books by Douglas Adams, "Pillars of the Earth" by Ken Follett, The Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon, anything by David Sedaris, mysteries, Isabel Allende stories, "The Sea King's Daughter" by Barbara Michaels, "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks....dude, this is ridiculous, I read constantly, I read everything, there is no way there is enough room for all the books I like....

Heroes:



In general, I love and appreciate anyone who has helped shape who I am and who I will become, but that's a long list. My family is an ever-constant rock for me and I love them all. "Juan Mann", who gave love to the world with a cardboard sign. Jane Goodall because she is the fuckin' shit. Vedran Smailovic, known as the Cellist of Sarajevo, who forced the beauty of music into the world in the face of senseless violence. Morrie Schwartz. Bob Wren for teaching me how to seek truth with my eyes and mind open. Diane Arbus. And Grace O'Malley and Baodicea for being a couple of history's sauciest chicks!

My Blog

Going Somewhere Someday

Last week I plunged and did something I've never done before that I should have done a long time ago. I walked over to the post office and got a passport. I couldn't really afford it! I don't hav...
Posted by Hellion of Troy #317 on Wed, 20 Feb 2008 10:56:00 PST

Duke City Derby, here I come!!!!

FUCK YEAH!!!! I just ordered my very first pair of speed skates for roller derby!!! I am so excited I'm ready to foam at the mouth and chew on random things!!!! ARRRRR!!!!! So those of you who don't k...
Posted by Hellion of Troy #317 on Tue, 14 Aug 2007 05:43:00 PST

The Swan

I love Mary Oliver's poetry. The Swan Did you too see it, drifting, all night, on the black river?Did you see it in the morning, rising into the silvery air -An armful of white blossoms,A perfect comm...
Posted by Hellion of Troy #317 on Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:40:00 PST

Beautiful Blades - The Sword Dance

My bellydance teacher wrote this beautiful poem. It's written on the mirror in her studio. Her philosophy about the sword dance is that it's based entirely on a special passion that only certain indiv...
Posted by Hellion of Troy #317 on Fri, 28 Apr 2006 10:35:00 PST

Habibi Ya Nour El Ain - The languages of love

This is one of my favorite songs, it's an Arabic love song: "Habibi Ya Nour El Ain"   Habibi ya nour el-ain (my darling, you are the glow in my eyes) Ya sakin khayali (you live in my imagination)...
Posted by Hellion of Troy #317 on Wed, 05 Apr 2006 09:41:00 PST

The first burn (w/video link) Holy shit it was awesome!!!

I lit up for the first time last night. And I think I can safely say that I have never experienced a feeling like that before in my whole life. It was an incomparable rush, the ultimate feeling of be...
Posted by Hellion of Troy #317 on Sun, 05 Feb 2006 10:03:00 PST

Milemarkers & bodymarkers

Well, I finally got my memorial tattoo for Beau, and I just love it. It's been a long time coming and I had it done just the way I wanted it by the artist I wanted to do it. He did a beautiful jo...
Posted by Hellion of Troy #317 on Mon, 30 Jan 2006 06:19:00 PST

Poi, Bitches!!!

So several years ago I was at an SCA war and one night while out wandering with my husband we saw a girl spinning fire chains, or poi. I was totally taken in by that, it was one of the cooler things I...
Posted by Hellion of Troy #317 on Wed, 11 Jan 2006 09:37:00 PST

Versions of Grief: Manifestations of DWI Trauma

IF YOU VIEW THIS, PLEASE TRY TO LEAVE A COMMENT, WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF THIS PROJECT. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO US. THANK YOU. Okay, so it's been a long time coming, but this project...
Posted by Hellion of Troy #317 on Wed, 23 Nov 2005 11:42:00 PST

And one more thing....

You know, I tripped over that guy! He hit me and he killed Beau, and I tripped over his drunken dead-ass body. How fucked up is that? And he had been thrown out of his car so hard that his clothe...
Posted by Hellion of Troy #317 on Sun, 20 Nov 2005 07:45:00 PST