I am Gwendelynne Faye!
I am a woman of many talents. I hear the low among you snickering. Poor ignorant FOOLS! I am like a goddess on wing far above you. For I am a poetess and actress of great renown.
I am also the founder of the town of Roulette, California --and don't you believe one bit of the lies that snake Adrian Brooks writes about me in his lurid book Roulette .
Mr. Brooks, I'll have my day in court. Even if I have to take you and your lies about me all the way to the Supreme Court of this SUPREME land!
I love America so much I ran in 2006 as a write-in candidate for Governor of the Golden State to RESTORE traditional Southern values to that godforsaken state.
I reckoned I was a shoe-in. Especially since I'd created my own party, the Yellow Party, and gold and yellow go together like Rhett and Scarlett.
Regrettably, I set my sights too low. On November 8, 2006, it became obvious to me that California was a state filled with too many people unable to write a simple name: Gwendelynne Faye Smith. (How can so many illiterates be herded together in one state! I blame the succession of liberal governors in California for this!)
Now, I know my true calling. It's to paint the White House YELLOW!
Yes, as God is my witness, I shall not rest until I cleanse our great temple of democracy of its liberal taint once and for all. And for that, I need you, the good, honest, God-fearing folk of this country to help me help you!
Of course, with such a noble cause as ours, the scalawags and vermin crawl out from the dark shadows to besmirch me.I accuse my detractors and political opponents--Adrian Brooks, that Hillary woman, General McCain, Rudy Julieannie--of starting a rumor that I'm not a real person.
Look at my photo! That's All American Prime Beef, folks, and when you elect me to the White House, you're electing a genuine Southern belle commited to slashing taxes, big spending, and putting ROMANCE back in day-to-day life.
When I'm running the U.S. of A., I guarantee an end to this era of filth with a return to movies made the way they were back in the old days when people meant it when they kissed because that was The End.
So, wise up: you elected a cowboy actor and a weight-lifter who can't keep his hands to himself and before you say someone isn't real, maybe you should look in the mirror and ask yourself if YOU'RE real or some make-believe Pretend Person.
Besides, if I'm not real, who's writing this? And whose picture is it? And why would I run for President, anyway?
And running for President I am!
As God is my witness, I will paint that White House yellow!
So, remember my friends and fans: VOTE GWENDELYNNE FAYE IN '08. I'm a first lady, president, and goddess all in one!
PS--Despite the lure of its siren song, don't buy this book.
Everything that Yankee Adrian Brooks writes about me is lies. Bald-faced, shamefull lies. The rest is true. But everything about me, LIES! Resist temptation!