How I wonder what you are?
Large Damaging Hail in the area! An ever drifting AM radio signal
sputtering stuttering and purring through blown out speakers from a vintage Philco wedged in the cold steel dashboard of another time and space, rising triumphant above burned out glasspaks a thousand miles into the wasteland racing headlong and hell-bent for Naugahyde into a thousand rising suns, too far from the neat neon jungle of club tunes and club sandwiches and clubbed sacred baby seals, all syllabub layered bits and bites and microdot memories; snippets and emails and bobbed puppy dog tales told by an idiot to that big green monster that sits at your doorstep, flash flame forging a most curious collaboration refusing to fit neatly into any convenient pigeon hole. Hell, they killed the pigeon, cooked it over a trashfire and called it squab.
Large Damaging Hail in the area! An avant amalgam of deep groove smeared chunky style over spoken word and darkly uttered oath, candy-coated half-remembered sonnets, signatures and psalms redressed in
primal and primordial poly-riddims rattling obscenely in the circle of fifths and the soft darkness where the parallel lines that stretch in front of the theatre of the absurd and the theatre of the profound not only meet, but become inebriated, infatuated, falling into subtle coital madness, only to exchange phone numbers, then drift away never to be heard from again.
Large Damaging Hail in the area! The dark carnival's come to town. Feral cats yowling amid a gaggle of scatting geese. Now, who's your gander? Over 200 years in the making. From Gershwin to Sublime; Horace Heidt to Captain Beefheart; Ground Beef Control to Major Tom...Is there any body in there? Is there any body out there? Pay no attention to the men behind the curtain. We're here for your protection. Music like quicksilver cast into a nest of cracks. Spontaneous and plotted. Altogether now - Jump in the pocket and ride! Holy original and wholly familiar. And when it's all over you can never be sure just what you heard or just where it all went...
"LEARN THE AMAZING SECRETS OF SHOW BIZ's DARK UNDERBELLY!"
For a kaleidoscope of the sights, the sounds, the raw emotions
- Read the Blog Beginning with Chapter One! - Click On [VIEW MORE] - Experience and Share in their Incredible Backstory - 'LARGE DAMAGING HAIL - The Serialized Novel"! The first thirty chapters of this startling narrative are located here in two spinetingling parts. Part Three begins with Chapter 31 as this exciting novel continues at Myspace.com/allendeck. Subscribe Now! Updated Irregularly! No salesman will call! Now With No Trans-fats! Contains no peanuts or peanut bi-products. Offers not valid in countries, territories or states with active consumer fraud statutes.
A Historical Perspective
- compiled by Andy Kare -
By LDH2008
Prior to forming Large Damaging Hail in the late 1990s, they served as backup band for the World's Smallest Living Lounge Singer, the legendary Tiny Little, touring with both the original Cooger and Dark Pandemonium Shadow Show and The Hadacol Caravan. They were subsequently dropped by Tiny Little following an unfortunate incident with Frank Sinatra Jr.
Brian E. Paulson was originally in Pleissathener Schrammeln in Berlin playing lead Vieles Saitending (back row left). Paulson was the first of the four (originally five) who were sent to the Sheffield Institute for Artificially Induced Selective Intelligence Studies (AISI) in the late 80s. He was also the first to be kidnapped and brought to Florida by Mr. Cooger.
Kirk Butler (row two far left) played drums and cards with Whiz Winkle and his Omarian Highsteppers Band, so popular
throughout the Tri-County area during the Great Vinyl Famine of 1981. He is credited with the invention of the whistle.
Bob Stoner (back row right) played guitar and flute for the territorial
government dance band - Nico & the Happy Fellows - until in '87 when
he was sent to the Transvaal by the SLN during an outbreak of dengue'
fever to investigate reports of cattle humutilations. (citation needed)
Allen Deck (not shown - absent picture day) toured extensively with the
House of David Band serving as crooner, chamberlain, and interlocutor.
Reputedly he makes all his own clothes, is married to an old French
whore and all the girls like him. He also plays hand drums and percussion.
AISI - Nothing To Laugh About But It Made Large Damaging Hail a Band!
By LDH2008
The Sheffield Institute near Claridge Corners, Indiana just outside Bunnybreath, was the site of the
notorious AISI experiments funded by the Carter administration in 1977. All federal funding ceased
under Reagan. Though banned by the UN, this highly unorthodox field of hyper-research and neuro-
manipulation continued via private foreign funding through 2005. It was here the band first met.
By LDH2008
The eccentric genius Nikola Tesla first developed his theory
of Artificially Induced Selective Intelligence (AISI) during
a severe thunderstorm in his native Serbia. Caught without
his keys he was struck repeatedly by Large Damaging Hail.
By LDH2008
Having no time to develop the idea himself, Tesla sold AISI
it to his good friend Mark Twain for eleven dollars and a really
nice Prune liqueur. Twain would sink his royalties from The
Prince and the Pauper into the project and look for a partner.
By LDH2008
Twain found a willing partner in British author Sir
Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes.
Doyle, an avid spiritualist and inventor, regrettably
involved a dark third partner in this AISI genesis.
By LDH2008
Aleister Crowley, using Twain and Doyle's money, fled to
Bavaria. There with a man called Ghandiberg he conducted the
initial AISI experiments in a 14th century ruin which Crowley
dubbed Thelema. It was known as a place of great hailstorms.
By LDH2008
Chronic bed-wetter Heinrich Himmler chased Crowley out of Bavaria in the Fall
of 1933 for immoral activities. The AISI files disappeared for over four decades.
Some theorize they were held by the British Royal Family while others speculate
on the involvement of the Rosicrucians. There were no instances of hail in 1934.
By LDH2008
Some say Wilhelm Reich's Orgon Accumulator was nothing
more than a 1940s AISI phone booth designed to call down
Large Damaging Hail from the heavens to smite his enemies.
By LDH2008
In 1957 the US communications satellite Telstar II incorporated a circular
aerial and sending device (as can be seen at the top of the photo) to both
broadcast AISI signals back to earth and greatly increase the chances for
Large Damaging Hail. Ike and NATO were wholly unaware of any of this.
By LDH2008
As Telstar II aged, it sent increasingly confused and distorted
AISI signals to earth. It has been blamed for the unfortunate youth
movement and hippy generation of the late 1960s. AISI's Black
Ops Era would come under President Jimmy Carter who hated hail.
By LDH2008
In '74 Lyndon Larouche is said to have given Crowley's AISI
files to Carter press secretary Jody Powell at a party picnic
in Unnadilla. Wild dogs and foreigners soon stormed the dais.
Large Damaging Hail was sighted as far away as Spartenburg.
By LDH2008
Angered by Large Damaging Hail and his place in
world history, President Carter covertly underwrote
Sheffield and his odd associates in their efforts to
create perfectly acceptable pop music. They failed.
By LDH2008
But the criminal AISI studies did succeed in taking a few moderately talented men
and through neuro-manipulation, marked them with a certain abstract genius and a snappy
panache. This along with their years with the carnival have made this band really keen.
Audiences all over the Free World are discovering Large Damaging Hail and they like it!
