Smouldering Phil... [The Official MySpace] profile picture

Smouldering Phil... [The Official MySpace]

dagwood69

About Me


Hi, I’m… Phil. Let me talk about me. I love beauty in all its forms. A rose petal. A touch of the hand. Chip-board. To me, nearly everything is beautiful (not whooping cough). And as I go about from day to day, I try to remember the small touches of elegance that enrich everything, and all of us. That deepness in a person’s soul, that says “We’re in this together”. I used to see it all the time in the dust cases the state police brought in back when I was night custody chief at Oakville Mental.
If you enjoy that warm feeling, then why not drop me a line? Sure, none of us are perfect (I can’t stop hitting people), but isn’t that what keeps this crazy world spinning? That, and the gravity of the sun? So tell Phil your problems. I won’t judge you (openly). Sometimes a listening ear is all you need. Then we’ll fuck.

My Interests


Cuddling, Smooching, Avoiding Property Tax. I'm also a world-class banjo player. In fact, I was the "stunt banjo" for the retarded kid at the beginning of Deliverance.

I'd like to meet:


You, of course. Picture this idyllic scene:You’re standing in the kitchen of our rustic country cottage (I’ll inherit it once my mother dies of bowel cancer). Dinner is ready (I assume). You’re exhausted, but still manage to maintain a certain grace (and enough makeup to paint a house). The door swings open. I walk in, possibly drunk. We sit and eat. Romantically, we don’t say a word (probably for hours). Then I treat you to a foot-rub (make sure you get the corns). Afterwards comes the time I’ve been waiting for. You help me out of my wet clothes (I’ve been cleaning septic tanks for 10 hours). Then, naked (not you, you’re wearing one of the 5 pre-arranged outfits), we dim the lights for some midnight shenanigans. At 12:05 I watch parliament question time.

Music:


AVAILABLE NOW

Current Single:

Don't Go Breakin' My Heart (2007)
The current 'hit single' from Smouldering Phil's second debut album, My Heart Sprays Love. A duet with Julia and featuring Geoff .

Previous Single:

P Willy Time (2004)
Smouldering Phil's first controversial single. Heavily criticized for it's total lack of cohesion, this early foray into music may in fact be well ahead of it's (or anyone's) time.

Previous Album:

Funky C, Funky Do (2004)
Smouldering Phil's equally controversial debut album. Following poor sales, Phil decided to hang up his boots in terms of profanity-based entertainment.

Movies:


The Shawshank Redemption, The Silence Of The Lambs, Herbie Goes Bananas.

Television:


Ally McBeal, The View, Stacked. Have also written the spec pilot, The Dwarf Prophecies. Not yet picked up.

Books:



Smouldering Heights
His best-selling auto-biography. Read an excerpt here .

Hear what the critics had to say about Smouldering Heights:

Gene Hazelby, New York Post:
“Horrible. An awful[ly well-written] book.”

Mary Tonas, XWC91 FM, Seattle:
“[Not] As bad as they come.”

Todd Bohega, Washington Sun:
“It soon becomes clear the author has no concept of rhyme or reason [but it’s pretty good for his first attempt].”

Ken Satt, NYU:
“This book is shit [fuck you].”

My Pen, My Gift
His first collection of assorted poems, essays, and more. Read an excerpt here .

Heroes:


My Blog

Rusty - A Tone Poem

RustyHere Rusty!  Here Rusty! Good boy!  There's a good boy! We're going in the car today! Yes we are!  Oh, yes we are! To the vet!  She says you have an inoperable tumor! Yes you ...
Posted by Smouldering Phil... [The Official MySpace] on Fri, 04 May 2007 03:32:00 PST

Excerpt from his autobiography: Smouldering Heights No. 1

  Chapter 6, page 93: "&It can be lonely in the Swiss Alps for a journeyman like me.  My Bachelor of Arts won't help me here (or possibly anywhere).  It's just me and the elements:&nb...
Posted by Smouldering Phil... [The Official MySpace] on Tue, 24 Apr 2007 05:16:00 PST