Dick Spawn profile picture

Dick Spawn

Vote Republican or Die!

About Me

Only slightly asymetrical with a fondness for fermented barley and crawfish. I like having my belly rubbed by Georgie and long scat-filled romantic retreats with Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly. I get really pissed when some liberal bastard like John Kerry mentions my carpet-munching daughter, but the truth is, with a father like me how could she not turn out gay?

My Interests

We are the ruling class! To us go the spoils! This is where my interests lie. I love money and I love myself! MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY ... ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!! And futhermore, I will kill anyone who stands between me and my vast fortunes or anything I feel I deserve! I will kill any cock-blocking dictator, any member of his/her party, any innocent bystanders who are within 12 miles of him/her, any children who might be sleeping soundly and securely in their own beds/cribs within 12 miles of him/her ... well of course I won't do it myself. That's what poor people are for. They shall do my bidding!

I'd like to meet:

A man with two heads. A woman with two vaginas. A 9 1/2 foot tall midget. A creationist who is made in God's image. A "pro-life" advocate who is opposed to bombing children in foreign cities. A Christian who doesn't judge. A Republican who is neither rich nor retarded.

Music:

Anything performed by your run-of-the-mill inbred, wife-beating, child-molesting, horse-fucking, flag-waving redneck. I also like to listen to Wagner or Beethoven while watching videos of bombs falling on Baghdad and masturbating.

Movies:

I'm warning you! Ignore the terrorists' comments!
Click Here to put this video in your profile!

Television:

That one show with those two rich, giggling cunts that have no respect for anyone and they think they're hot despite looking like scrawny crack whores.

Books:

Curious George Throws His Feces, Dahmer Eats a Jew (children's pop-up book), You Barely Knew Us - The Ronald Reagan Story, Achieving Eternal Youth Through Pedophilia by Michael Jackson, Achieving Racial Purity Through Genocide by Prescott Bush, Playgirl's Special Edition featuring Rush Limbaugh exploring his scat fetish

Heroes:

A certain cave-dwelling fellow who has helped make so many dreams come true, Saddam Hussien (before he became inconvenient), Pol Pot, Shooter McGavin (he eats pieces of shit like you for breakfast), Professor Chaos, Tonya Harding, Gorvula Spactraman, Eric Cartman, Prescott Bush, The Cheat, the inventor of very small and transparent panties, women with large labias, any woman who proudly displays either hard nipples or camel toes, Pee Wee Herman, GWAR, and of course Satan.

My Blog

It's still fuckin me!

First, I must apologize. The Dick Spawn hasn't retreated from my bowels for many months. He's been a bit down lately that the insurgency's "last throes" have continued for so long. I wanted to just dr...
Posted by Dick Spawn on Fri, 26 Jan 2007 06:47:00 PST

Man enough to admit

Okay, I am man enough to admit when I am wrong...unlike our emperor. I have made several statements this past winter predicting that we would be embroiled in a bloody war with Iran by April 1. Obvious...
Posted by Dick Spawn on Tue, 25 Apr 2006 08:07:00 PST

You don't know the power of the dark side!

Well, I give up. I have switched sides. It was pointless to keep fighting what obviously is a well thought-out strategy for America. I mean, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Right? Like when we realiz...
Posted by Dick Spawn on Fri, 24 Feb 2006 04:28:00 PST

President's Day

I just want to drop a few quick lines to let you know I'm still alive. The Dick Spawn doesn't feel like writing much when he is in control of my body. All he thinks about is hunting and carving up the...
Posted by Dick Spawn on Mon, 20 Feb 2006 05:12:00 PST

Threaten the status quo

Say you were in control of a whole nation of people. Most of them were like sheep. They loved and trusted you and believed everything you told them. They believed in everything you told them to believ...
Posted by Dick Spawn on Sat, 07 Jan 2006 06:46:00 PST

What the definition of "is", is...

The question that kept coming to mind all day was "How much 'political capital' does a lame duck have?" I'm so tired of arguing politics. I really could give a shit at this point. I am certainly not a...
Posted by Dick Spawn on Sat, 29 Oct 2005 08:04:00 PST

Ignorant Fuck

It is so easy to support a war that requires no sacrifice of you personally. I just had to share a recent experience with a Bush-lover who added me as a friend apparently with the intent of drawing me...
Posted by Dick Spawn on Tue, 13 Sep 2005 01:20:00 PST

Non-predictions

I have been without premonition as of late, but I have decided that I can still make prophetic forecasts for those of you who dare peer into the future. I will simply have to predict what will NOT hap...
Posted by Dick Spawn on Mon, 12 Sep 2005 08:53:00 PST

Coroner the market

I just have to take a second to clarify something that a lot of people seem to be confused about. IT IS ABOUT THE OIL!!!! I keep hearing people saying things like, "If we just went in there for the oi...
Posted by Dick Spawn on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

The Book of Feces

"...and God shat upon the land, and therefore were born Republicans. And God saw that it was not good. And He sent unto the world a mighty army of angels to undo the divine mistake. And they were slai...
Posted by Dick Spawn on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST