Hailing from Jarrell Texas were five young boys each with his own name and purpose. They grew up together, drank together, and eventually had sex with each other and produced child together. These were no ordinary boys, they were special. They were the fathers and mothers to be of five more creatures that would form as one mighty force. The story of the birth is as follows:
Several years back a tragic and mighty storm struck the town of Jarrell. It was one of the most devastating tornadoes in Texas history. Almost the entire town was turned to dust. While the toll was heavy on the ordinary folks of Jarrell, it was a necessary and evil force that would induce the labor of these special boys from Jarrell. As Jesse Evil Buzzard Brooks states it We were all born full grown men, we remember the whole event. The storm took our motherfathers away along with their cherished kitty cat Sweetie Pie. Man, it was fucked. And fucked it was, these special boys each gave birth during this mighty storm to five individual creatures that would come together as one. The Free Range Bastards had arrived in Jarrell but Jarrell was no more. The new born creatures knew there was a calling just down the road in Austin. They knew they were to become the most famous gay porn stars in the industry.
On the ass of each creature was branded a name. There was Ezra Razzle Dazzle Reynolds, Kevin sweet revin McKlosky, Noah no love Martin aka Nanners n Puddin, Jesse Evil Buzzard Brooks, and Greg Hotsauce Hitchens aka cocaine cheecks. They marched down I -35 until they reached Austin.
Upon their arrival in Austin, they worked hard at carving out their niche in the gay porn scene. One gay porn after another after another. But the fruits of their labor were sour, and their stars were not shining as they had anticipated. They then decided to take a leave of absence from the gay porn scene and pursue rock n roll. They practiced every day in a shed. All the friends they made thought they sucked and they sucked alright. They sucked their way into clubs around Austin and grabbed a following. And they continue to suck but they suck good. They have never forgotten where they came from and they their dreams of gay porn stardom are never too far away. They still actively participate in gay porn as a hobby.
Let the Bastards rock you.Austin Chronicle
Vol. 21 No. 32
Review from, Independence: An Austin Sampler
...Twang is in ample supply on the Free Range Bastards' "Burned a lot of Bridges," which is undeniably meritorious if only for the great lyric, "I burned a lot of bridges and sank the only goddamn boat."
-Greg Beets
