Rob Wagman profile picture

Rob Wagman

Who's on the phone with me? Your mother.

About Me

I am one of many who lay claim to being the 'fifth animal from the future', but as my work in the christmas greeting attests, those others are just pretenders to my throne. I am Rob Wagman. The only one. There is "another" but he's hardly worth considering, I address this issue in the video below.

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

My Interests

Ventriloquism, sketch comedy, short videos, olde-tyme comedy.

I'd like to meet:

People with small hands. Slutty chicks just looking to party. If you're looking for a commitment or someone to buy you dinner, look elsewhere.

Music:

Whatever band you like, I hate. They suck. So do you. I'm glad your nana died. Oh, and the Dresden Dolls for bringing some glamour back to loving guys like me.

Movies:

Pearl Harbor, Independence Day, The Sweetest Thing, My Best Friend's Wedding, Jingle All the Way. Basically, anything that would make a film geek cringe and/or stars Ben Affleck, Julia Roberts or Mork.

Television:

Anything on the History Channel that stars Hitler.

Books:

Anything about Hitler or those serial killers who dress up like clowns and molest children.

Heroes:

F. Murray Abraham.I bet you wish I had something stupid like "Pinocchio" huh? I bet you're all "oh man, that would have been hilarious, LOL!"Well let me say a.) thanks for taking 20 minutes out of your busy schedule of fowarding hilarious cat pictures and squirrels singing parody songs about George Bush to visit my site and 2.) YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON.

My Blog

Let's clear things up - I'm not dead

Let's clear things up - I'm not dead I've been getting a lot of emails and comments from people who think I'm dead. I'd like to think it's out of genuine concern but we both know that's a bunch of bu...
Posted by Rob Wagman on Wed, 08 Mar 2006 10:27:00 PST

Just call me "Rob Rapman"

Cuz I'm a rapper, now.  A hardcore, gangsta rapper. Check out my flow: I'm punching girls in the face I'll kick your dad in the taint The taint is the space between your ass and your nutsack! P...
Posted by Rob Wagman on Thu, 17 Nov 2005 01:32:00 PST

Apology time

OK, as you may know, a few days ago I put up a pretty scorching and accurate post about the other Rob Wagman. Well, perhaps I went a little too far. His lawyers seem to think so. Let me say now, Rob,...
Posted by Rob Wagman on Fri, 04 Nov 2005 07:55:00 PST

The "other" Rob Wagman

Let me clear things up for you people. I am the REAL Rob Wagman. This guy, is a fucking putz. First of all, time to update your bio, jerk. You don't live in Calabasas anymore. You don't even live in C...
Posted by Rob Wagman on Thu, 03 Nov 2005 09:29:00 PST

Why I'm pro-life

Here's the deal, I'm not pro-life at all. I hate kids. Kill 'em all, that's what I say. I think if broads want the right to have abortions, they should. Go for it. Seriously. But don't fucking be a ...
Posted by Rob Wagman on Thu, 27 Oct 2005 03:02:00 PST

Fuck you, Eric Filipkowski

You guys know this jerk? So I tell this douchebag, "Hey jackass, go promote my blog" and what does he do? He posts a bulletin saying "Go read my dummy's blog". Read the fucking blog, asshole! It's a...
Posted by Rob Wagman on Thu, 27 Oct 2005 12:31:00 PST

I'm no dummy!

What the fuck? You can't call broads "bitches" anymore. Spics are "hispanic people" (I'm looking at you, Herrera) but I'm a fucking "dummy"? Eat shit, you assholes. Suck my rubber fucking ass. I mean ...
Posted by Rob Wagman on Thu, 27 Oct 2005 11:57:00 PST