Good day my humble subjects, alloy me to introduce myself. I am the HONORABLE Alexander John Gosse Downer, the longest-serving and least significant Foreign Minister of Australia. The son of a third-rate aristocrat, my political career has been largely distinguished by mediocrity, thinly disguised behind my pompous and conceited exterior. I would have been lord over you ignorant and feebleminded peasants, but for some unknown reason the ungrateful masses didn't like me as opposition leader. That scoundrel Paul Keating said some nasty things to me in parliament aswell. Nevertheless, I am eying off the Treasurer's position once the old man retires and Costello becomes PM.
In addition to my noble blood and impressive intellect, I pride myself on my mischievous and witty sense of humour. For example, who can forget my uproarious "the things that batter" joke? Indeed, my scintillating wit is unmatched throughout this quaint backwater.
Now I must be off. Several of my serfs here at the Adelaide mansion are demanding their rations for the week. The insolence! However, thanks to John's wonderfully brilliant new workplace laws, I can batter them around to my heart's content. They should just be grateful to be in the service of such a noble and wise individual such as yours truly! Cheerio!
My biography
