March for Justice October 1, 2006 (created by Jesse C)
I don't quite know how to start what I want to be said here. But I am going to try. Over 13 years ago, I had a happy little family. I had a good job. My children by all aspects were happy, well adjusted kids growing up where their parents grew up, in Somerville, Massachusetts. Although I had the regular concerns any parent of active teenagers does, murder was not remotely in my thoughts. My concerns lied in their personal and emotional health. Their education, and their drug awareness. Their social activities and personal friendships did not raise any red flags for what happened.March 30, 1995 is a day that I dread to remember. But I can relive it several times a day second for second. My beautiful daughter had been strangled to death and I did not know what to do. I had no idea how to handle this and live at the same time. There is no relief to this grief. I live with it. Her dad lives with it. My daughter and my two sons live with it. I think it is our love for one another that helps us to move on in our lives.When I look at my children and I appreciate so very much, how very proud I am of them. How very much I love each one of them. How I wish I could do away with all the evil in this world so it won't come near them ever again, it is a very scary and strange feeling. Because no matter what,I am always afraid something bad will happen. When things are at their best,that fear is always ever looming over. Yet, I can't let it defeat my, or anyone in my family's dreams, endeavors, and pursuits for success and happiness.I think it was about a year after Deanna died. I was seeing a counselor (one of many over the years) and I was so sad and so angry. I remember this because at the time it was so profound. We were having a "session", I was extremely upset, I was a wreck. I just looked at him and said "How can I go on, I don't know how to" He looked at me and said these exact words,"What would Deanna want you to do?" I don't know if anyone had said that to me before. If they had I wasn't ready to hear it. But I still had a family to raise and my children really needed me to be there for them and to be strong. And as heartbreaking as it is for me every day since March 30, 1995. I do try to be a strong and happy mom. A good friend and neighbor. Not only would Deanna have wanted me to do that, but my three other children and countless other people needed me to be "there" for them as well as myself.Deanna was a very happy go lucky young woman. She had a whole world waiting for her to go out and enjoy it. Her life was taken by someone who remains unknown. Justice for Deanna will happen. I hope soon. No matter what she will always be missed whenever I share a smile with someone. That will never change. I know I am so blessed to have all the wonderful "things" I do in my life. I know it and I do not take it for granted. I am so aware of the power "emotional tragedy" can impact on my thoughts and actions. I have sought relief through so many different ways. From doing the right thing by staying healthy and sober to the total opposite, by trying to avoid confronting my heartache by taking pills or drinking too much. I learned I can't run away from this, there is no escape. I will never "get over" Deanna being murdered. No one will.Deanna gave me a lot of happiness, and she gave it freely and unconditionally. I have my memories, my pictures and videos. I have my heartbreak. But it doesn't stop there. I have a wonderful family. I have a home and I can pretty much do whatever I want within reason. Deanna's death came very close to destroying any happiness I could ever want. But because of those words "What would Deanna want you to do?", I found the strength to move forward. I found that love is way more powerful than evil. I found that with time things have become less difficult. I have truly come out of the depths of despair to proceed with life. To enjoy the moments. To cherish and respect all that is good and kind.I will never say anything good came out of Deanna's death, because I would never mean it. But a lot of good came from her life here. I see it and hear it every day. A part of me will never heal, but there is a whole lot more of me that will move forward, be strong, be happy and when it necessary be angry and sad. But I want to be happy and good. I want to be present and accounted for when I am needed especially by my kids. I believe I can do that today. I have a very giving nature, it is my personality. If you are in my company I want you to be able to enjoy it. Deanna would have wanted that and heck who wouldn't.None of us knows what tomorrow brings. But we all learn something new everyday. Whether it be about ourselves, our families, or our neighbors. Life should be enjoyed and injustice should not be tolerated. Whoever killed my daughter will be brought to justice one day. That will happen because there are so many good people out there who have made it their mission. The things I find difficult to deal with may never change. But the way I deal with them is constantly changing. I do the best I can with what I have. I have a lot. I have the most wonderful family. I do have part of a dream. There are so many wonderful things to look forward to in life. I have a healthy outlook by all means. I have a lot of strength because I have a lot of love. For anyone who reads this and knows me, you have seen my struggles. You have seen me overcome some pretty tough situations. I almost lost everything with meaning after Deanna was murdered. And I would have if I had continued to let grief control my life. I chose to let the love inside and surrounding me be my guide. I am so grateful to have what I have. But I will not just slide back and let Deanna's murderer not be pursued. I think we can all help this quest for justice. And I am truly grateful to everyone who has put any time into helping get "Justice for Deanna." Thanks for listening, Sincerely, Katherine Cremin