In Memory of Elliot J.Matos Jr.12/27/81-09/08/01

I'd like to meet:

First of all I want to thank my daughter Brittany Matos.Brittany is the one who gave me this idea for Elliot And a good idea it is,through myspace I can connect with Elliot's friends,other parents who have lost their children,and just people in general..It's odd,this says About Me:but truthfully I don't know where ME is anymore.There is only before Elliot died,and after Elliot died.I guess the Donna that was, died along with my son.There is only a shell left here.Half of my heart is gone forever,but it's with my son,and I know he will protect it.Basically I just go through the montions of life,I don't really live life anymore,I exist.The only true joy left is my baby girl Brittany-Christina.She is 19 yrs.old and in college.She is beautiful,sweet,and everything a parent could ask for.I was also blessed with another joy,and that is my niece Tanya's beautiful baby girl Yadalize Amaya, she is seven months old now and brings new life to our family.My memories of my son are the most precious thing in the world.Sometimes I just close my eyes and remember him that last night walking out the door saying I Love You Mom,with a big Elliot kiss and hug.The most important lesson in life people should learn is Family,hold your family close to your heart,love them,and always tell them you care.Friends come and go,but when it comes down to it,it's your family that will always be there to pick up the pieces.Im a Mom,I'll always be a Mom,and it's the only job on this earth that I will ever truly value. Hi;as most of you know,I lost my beautiful,smart,bright,funny,loving child at the young age of 19 due to an Accidental OxyContin Overdose.My child had a heart of gold,and would go out of his way to do anything for any of his friens.Most of his friends he hid his addiction from,that was Elliot's way,he didnt want to burden his friends with his problems.If I could have ordered him from above,I could have not asked for a more perfect child.Elliot was our only child till his lil sis Brittany came along.When I tell you she was the light of his life,you just have no clue.He was her protector,her friend,her playmate,and at times acted as though he was her dad.To say she meant the world to him,is an understatement.She was his life,and his heart.And still she is,cause I know he watches down on her,and gives her guidance and protects her.There were many touching moments between Elliot and Britty and the years went on,but one sticks in my mind.Elliot was graduating from St.Catherine's School,and as they walked down the church,they each carried a rose that was to be given to their moms.Elliot had told me ahead of time,that he didn't want me to feel bad,but that he was giving his rose to his lil sis Brittany.I as a mother couldn't not be more proud. ___________________________________________________________ Elliot had a great sense of humor,I mean the kid really did.He could make me laugh so hard the soda came out of my nose.He was always a happy child,and had oh so many friends.I hesitate to start naming them,cause with my grief-brain,I know I will forget a few,and I would never ever want to hurt anyone.I have to admit though,the most memories I have are of Elliot and Joey Roderick,and Jeff Kelly.I always felt safe when Elliot was with Joey cause I kinda looked at Joey as the one who would watch over Elliot,and Joey you always did.My funniest memories of you Joey are climbing thru Ellot's bedroom window,when he wouldn't wake up and you two had plans.That always made me laugh my ass off.Another great memory was the St.Catherine's banquet.We sat with you and Elliot and your Mom and Dad(R.I.P)let me tell you joey,I never laughed so damn hard in my life,your mom and dad have the best sense of humor,and they kept me and elliot lauging the whole night.Jeff what can I say about you,your mom and I were preg with u two at the same time.So you could say actually you friends before birth.You and Elliot had a lifetime of fun.I remember how heartbroken Elliot was when you moved to N.H.,but nope that didn't change anything,cause you were either here for the weekend or he was there.You two had a friendship that should be envied.The countless days in osgood park with you two,the baseball,the hockey,you two did it all kid. ___________________________________________________________ Now I will talk about someone who I miss almost as much as my son.Sean Driscoll.When I tell you Sean was there from day one for us,I mean it.This boy has a heart really seen in most kids.After we lost Elliot,Sean was here every single day,wether it was to see what he could do like erands,help us with something,spend time with Britt,cry with me.Sean really did it all,and I miss this boy so much you can't imagine.He was a good friend to Elliot,and if not for Sean we would never have been able to put all the pieces of my child's death together,for that I owe him forever.Sean I wish you didn't have to leave us (R.I.P)but the one thing I do know,IS SEAN AND ELLIOT TOGETHER AGAIN. ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ Ok now I get to the serious stuff.When I first lost my child,I was so gung ho on getting OxyContin off the streets.Believe me I did so many things to try.We are dealing with a multi-billon dollar company,who wins every suit that has been brought against them.Their name P***** Pharma in Stamford,Ct .When I first found out Elliot had a problem with OxyContin,i have to admit,I did not know what it was,had never heard of it,which is suprising,cause I always thought I was one of those enlightened Moms who knew it all.Elliot told me it was like percocete,which I still didnt believe.Now I lost my son 5 yrs ago,and back then there was really nothing out here about Oxy.I didn't let that stop me,I visited doctors,pharmacist.and rehabs.Sad thing was once I learned about OxyContin,I knew my child was in for the fight of his life.And believe me he fought,he fought and fought,Im just so crying typing this cause I know what my child went through,and I would have done anything to help him,anything.Elliot so didn't deserve this,he just didn't he was sweet and full of life,and a tiny lil pill took that all away from him.I don't think anyne understands how much this hurts my son,to know the way he died.He had so much to live for.All of that cut short because P***** Pharma refused to acknowledge the potential for abuse from oxycontin.They knew the pills were being chewed,crushed and snorted,and what did they do????????????Why,because its always about money never lives,and don't anyone ever forget it. ___________________________________________________________ NOW I HAD TO MADE A BIG DECISION HERE,AND I KNOW YOU ALL WILL UNDERSTAND ONCE I EXPLAIN MY REASONING.I DID NOT WANT THIS SITE TO BE ABOUT HOW ELLIOT DIED,BUT HOW HE LIVED.THAT IS WHAT I WISH FOR EACH OF YOU TO KEEP IN YOUR HEARTS.BUT AS A MOM OF A CHILD WHO LOST HIS LIFE TO OXYCONTIN,I MUST WARN OTHERS,EVEN IF IT COULD SAVE ONLY ONE LIFE.PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS. ___________________________________________________________ MY THOUGHTS ON OXYCONTIN,IT SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN CREATED.P***** KNEW THE POTENTIAL FOR ABUSE AS EARLY AS 1999,BUT YET DID NOTHING.I LOST MY CHILD,AND MANY OTHERS LOST THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS,AND WHY SO THEY COULD RAKE IN THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR.I COULD GO ON FOREVER ABOUT P*****'s LACK OF DIGNITY IN DEALING WITH A DRUG THAT THEY MANUFACTURED,THAT HAS CAUSED MORE DEATHS,THAN THIS COUNTRY HAS EVER SEEN. ___________________________________________________________ NOW FOR PARENTS AND CHILDREN ALIKE.LET ME TELL U WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT OXYCONTIN.SOME OF THIS COMES FROM QUESTIONS I REPEATLY RECEIVE.I HAVE POSTED PICTURES ABOVE,SO THAT THERE WILL NEVER BE ANY DOUBT IN YOU MIND WHAT OXYCONTIN LOOKS LIKE. ___________________________________________________________ 1)DO YOU NEED TO MIX OXYCONTIN WITH ANY OTHER DRUG TO CAUSE DEATH?THE ANSWER IS ABSOLUTELY NO.MY CHILD'S TOXOCOLOGY REPORT SHOWED ONLY OXYCONTIN. ___________________________________________________________ 2)OXYCONTIN WAS INTENDED TO BE SWALLOWED WHOLE.THE REASON FOR THIS IS THE PROTECTIVE COATING ON IT ALLOWS IT TO BE DISPERSED OVER A TWELVE HOUR PERIOD. ___________________________________________________________ 3)WHAT TEENS AND ADULTS ARE DOING TO BY PASS THE PROTECTIVE COATING ON THE OXYCONTIN?? THEY WILL CRUSH IT,THEN SNORT IT,OR SMOKE IT OR INJECT IT.THEREFORE GETTING A 12HR DOSE DELIVERED ALL AT ONCE,THAT WAS MEANT TO BE ADMINISTERED OVER A 12 HR.PERIOD.THIS CAN AND WILL LEAD TO DEATH. ___________________________________________________________ 4)SIGNS YOU CHILD IS USING OXYCONTIN:(MY CHILD HAD ALL OF THESE SIGNS)SLEEPY,ITCHY,NODDING OUT,HAVE PINPOINT PUPILS,BREATHE SLOWLY,NASUEA AND VOMITTING,ISOMNIA,LOSS OF APPETITE,CHILLS,AND ABDOMINAL PAIN. ___________________________________________________________ 5)COST OF OXYCONTIN IN THE STREETS;OXYCONTIN COSTS A DOLLAR A MIL.SO IF YOUR CHILD IS TAKING 80MG.OF OXYCONTIN,THAT PILL IS COSTING HIM $80 EACH. ___________________________________________________________ 6)SO WHERE IS YOU CHILD GETTING THE MONEY FOR THE OXYCONTIN???GOOD QUESTION.MY GUESS IS HE IS STEALING,OR DEALING,AREN'T TOO MANY OPTIONS OUT THERE.(BIG TIP OFF,IF YOUR CHILD WHO NORMALLY DOSENT CARRY A BACK PACK,ALL OF A SUDDEN IS CARRYING ONE,I WOULD GET INSIDE THAT BACK PACK THE FIRST CHANCE YOU GET. ___________________________________________________________ 7)SO WHERE IS YOUR CHILD GETTING THE OXYCONTIN?WELL THAT CAN BE IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY.A LOT OF TIMES A FRIEND HAS A RELATIVE,GRANDPARENT,OR FRIEND WHO HAS BEEN LEGALLY PRESCRIBED THESE,BUT BECAUSE OF THE COST THEY RESELL THEM,THEY DO THAT INSTEAD AND THEY END UP IN YOUR CHILDS HANDS.ALSO THERE ARE VARIOUS DOCTORS WHO FOR $150 WILL WRITE A SCRIPT FOR OXYCONTIN FOR ANYONE,AGAIN GETTING INTO YOUR CHILD'S HANDS.THEN OF COURSE THERE IS THE ONE WE KNOW BEST,THE DRUG DEALER.IN MY SONS CASE IT WAS TWO OF THEM,ONE HE WAS BUYING SCRIPTS FROM A DOCTOR IN BOSTON FOR $150,GRANTED MY CHILD HAD CLUSTER MIGRAINES,BUT OXYCONTIN NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN PRESCRIBED TO TREAT THEM.THE OTHER ONE WAS "THE DRUG DEALER",NOW LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY SONS DRUG DEALER. HIS DRUG DEALER F***** ,WAS ALSO HIS FRIEND,WAS ALSO A MAN I HAD HELPED GET INTO DETOX WHEN HE TOLD ME HE HAD A PROBLEM WITH OXYCONTIN,I HELPED HIM I HELPED HIM A LOT.HOW DID HE REPAY MY SONS FRIENDSHIP AND MY KINDNESS,HE SOLD MY SON 6 80MG OXYCONTIN,THAT ENDED HIS LIFE,AND TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME FOREVER. ___________________________________________________________ 8)"BEWARE OF YOUR CHILD FRIENDS"I HONEST TO GOD WISH I HAD PAID MORE ATTENTION TO THIS ONE.OH I DID EVENTUALLY,BUT OBVIOUSLY NOT IN TIME.IT GOT TO A POINT WHERE I COULD LOOK AT ELLIOT'S FRIENDS AND KNOW WHO WAS USING AND WHO WAS NOT.IT ALSO GOT TO THE POINT THAT HIS FRIENDS WERE NO LONGER ALLOWED IN OUR HOUSE.HE HAD ONE FRIEND ALLOWED IN MY HOUSE AND THAT WAS JOEY RODERICK,I KNEW JOEY WAS DRUG FREE,AND I ALWAYS TRUSTED JOEY. ___________________________________________________________ 9)"SO YOU FIND OUT YOUR CHILD IS USING,WHAT DO YOU DO?"WHEN A CHILD HAS AN ADDICTION,IT IS NOT JUST THE CHILD,THE WHOLE FAMILY MUST BE INVOLVED.THE HARDEST THING I EVER HAD TO DO WAS TELL MY MOM AND DAD ELLIOT HAD A DRUG PROBLEM.AND ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS I HAD TO TEACH THE FAMILY IS THIS "YOU ARE NOT DEALING WITH ELLIOT,YOU ARE DEALING WITH THE DRUG"YOU MUST INVOLVE EVERYONE IN YOUR CHILDS LIFE WITH THE ADDICTION.MY SON WAS 18 FIRST TIME HE TRIED OXYCONTIN AND HE WAS HOOKED.I ALWAYS TOLD ELLIOT "I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU,WHEN YOU CAN NO LONGER FIGHT FOR YOURSELF,I WILL NOT LET YOU GO"WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD WITH AN ADDICTION,YOU BEST BE READY TO ENTER A NIGHTMARE,LIKE ANYTHING YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN.IT WOULD TAKE FOREVER TO TELL YOU THE THINGS WE TRIED WITH ELLIOT,THERE WERE JUST SO MANY,BUT HERE ARE A FEW.WE WERE LUCKY THAT MY HUSBAND IS RETIRED,AND I ONLY WORK 3 1/2 MONTHS A YEAR,SO WE COULD PRETTY MUCH KEEP HIM ON LOCK DOWN.BECAUSE ELLIOT WAS 18 HE REFUSED TO GO INTO REHAB,I CRIED,I BEGGED,I SCREAMED,NOPE HE DID NOT HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM.PROBLEM WAS HE COULDNT SEE IT CAUSE HIS MIND WAS SO CLOUDED BY THE DRUGS.SO WE DECIDED TO PLAY TOUGH LOVE.ELLIOT WAS NOT ALLOWED OUT OF THE HOUSE INLESS ACCOMPINED BY MY HUSBAND OR MYSELF.BECAUSE I LIVE ON THE FIRST FLOOR WE DID NOT TRUST THAT HE WOULDN'T TRY TO SNEAK OUT,SO I SLEPT NIGHTS,AND MY HUSBAND SLEPT DAYS,THEREFORE ONE OF US WAS ALWAYS AWAKE TO WATCH HIM.WE WOULD GIVE HIM PRIVLIGES FOR HIS BEHAVIOR,BUT OF COURSE THAT WOULD BACKFIRE.AND BACK WE WERE TO SQUARE ONE.AFTER A LOT OF SOUL SEARCHING,MY HUSBAND AND I DECIDED THE BEST THING TO DO WAS TO GET ELLIOT OUT OF STATE,AND AWAY FROM ALL THE PUSHERS.MY HUSBAND AND ELLIOT LEFT FOR UPSTATE NEW YORK,AND STAYED THERE FOR THREE WEEKS JUST TRYING TO SEE IF HE COULD GET ELLIOT STRAIGHT,HE FELT HE HAD.BROUGHT HIM HOME,SAME OLD THING.NEXT IT WAS BELLINGHAM,WHICH IS A RURAL COMMUNITY WAY UP IN MASS,MY HUSBAND STAYED UP THERE WITH HIM FOR A MONTH.HE CAME HOME WE ALLOWED HIM TO GO OUT AND BOOM.SEE WE WERE MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE ALL PARENTS MAKE,BUT WE WERE DESPARATE.WE THOUGH IF WE REMOVED HIM FROM THE DRUGS HE WOULD BE OK.NOT TRUE,IF THEY WANT THE DRUGS,THEY WILL FIND THEM ANYWHERE.LIFE CONTINUED WITH THE UP'S AND DOWN'S.WE JUST DID OUR BEST TO MAKE SURE ELLIOT WAS SAFE,AND TRY TO TALK HIM INTO REHAB.MY SON'S GIRLFRIEND AT THE TIME DANIELLE,WAS THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO HIM.SHE WAS ALL ABOUT THE DRUGS AND PARTYING.I EVEN FOUND A LETTER SHE WROTE HIM AFTER HE GOT OUT OF REHAB THAT SAID,"YOU BETTER GET HIGH OR ELSE."NO MATTER WHAT I DID I COULDN'T MAKE HIM SEE HOW TRULY EVIL SHE WAS.(ALTHOUGH IN LETTERS I FOUND AFTER HE PASSED HE KNEW,I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY HE STAYED WITH HER.)AT AGE 19 ELLIOT CAME TO ME AND SAID HE WOULD GO INTO REHAB,HE SAID HE DIDN'T HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM,BUT COULDNT STAND TO SEE ME CRY ANYMORE.I KNEW HE SHOULD BE GOING INTO REHAB FOR HIMSELF,BUT AT THIS POINT I WOULD TAKE WHAT I COULD GET.SO OFF WE WENT ME,MY MOM AND ELLIOT TO BRING HIM TO REHAB,I JUST COULDN'T HIDE THE TEARS EVEN THOUGH I KNEW THIS WAS THE BEST THING TO DO. ___________________________________________________________ 10)AFTER REHAB WE WERE THRILLED TO HAVE ELLIOT HOME,I MISSED THAT BOY SO MUCH.MY HUSBAND AND BRITTANY PICKED HIM UP AND I WAS HOME MAKING HIS FAVORITE DINNER.WHEN ELLIOT WALKED IN THE DOOR THE FIRST THING I NOTICED WAS HIS BIG BEAUTIFUL BROWN EYS,EYES THAT I HADN'T SEE ALL THE WAY OPENED FOR QUITE SOME TIME.I CRIED AT HOW WONDERFUL MY SON LOOKED. ___________________________________________________________ NOW THIS IS THE HARDEST PART,THIS IS THE ENDING.A MOTHER GIVES BIRTH TO HER CHILDREN,AND IN HER HEART SHE KNOWS THAT SHE WILL PROTECT THEM WITH HER LIFE.I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING,ANYTHING AT ALL FOR MY SON NOT TO BE ADDICTED TO OXYCONTIN.WHY HIM?HOW DO I DESCRIBE ELLIOT,HIS CARING,HIS COMPASSION,HIS SMILE,HIS LOVE FOR HIS FRIENDS,WORDS JUST WILL NOT DO HIM JUSTICE.WHERE WAS ELLIOT'S MIRACLE DAMNIT,I WANTED HIS MIRACLE,HE DESERVED ONE,HE WAS A CHILD AND HE MADE A MISTAKE,A MISTAKE HE SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAD TO PAY FOR WITH HIS LIFE.PEOPLE TEND TO LOOK DOWN ON ADDICTS,BUT REST ASSURED THEY ARE YOU,THEY ARE ME,THEY ARE ANYONE AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE.WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ELLIOT,I WISH TO GOD I KNEW.YES I HAD IT OUT WITH GOD FOR QUITE A FEW YEARS TILL I CAME BACK TO HIM.IN ALL TRUTH IN MY MIND ELLIOT WILL NEVER BE GONE,HE CAN'T BE,HE IS MY CHILD,MY SON,MY LIFE.I PRETENDED FOR A LONG TIME THAT HE WAS JUST VISITING DANNY PEREZ IN NEW YORK,BUT THAT STOPPED WORKING A FEW YEARS AGO.AS CRAZY AS IT SOUNDS I STILL LIVE LIKE HE WILL WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR AT SOME POINT,THAT IS THE ONLY REASON I CAN SURVIVE THIS CRUEL NEW LIFE.LOVE ELLIOT,KEEP HIS MEMORY ALIVE,AND REMEBER ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE ALL SHARED WITH HIM.I KNOW THAT OUR LIVES WILL NEVER AGAIN BE THE SAME,HOW CAN THEY BE OUR CHILD IS GONE.WE JUST HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH A NEW NORMAL,AND EXSCUSE ME,BUT IT SUCKS.LOSING A CHILD IS A PAIN THAT IS INDISCRIBLE.YOUR HEART HURTS ALL THE TIME,IT NEVER LETS UP,IT NEVER LETS YOU FORGET,AND YOU JUST PRAY TO GOD THAT THIS IS ALL A NIGHTMARE YOU WILL WAKE UP FROM,BUT YOU DON'T. ___________________________________________________________ 12-27-81 THRU 09-08-01 THIS IS WAY HARD,SO IM GOING TO TRY TO GO INTO AS LITTLE DETAIL AS POSSIBLE.ELLIOT HAD SLEPT AT JOEY'S ON THE NIGHT OF THE 7TH,I ALLOWED HIM TO CAUSE I KNEW JOEY WAS DRUG FREE,AND I KNEW JOEY'S MOM WAS HOME AND I TALKED TO HER ON THE PHONE.I GUESS AT SOME POINT ELLIOT SNUCK OUT OF JOEY'S AND MET UP WITH SOME FRIENDS FROM HIGH SCHOOL.THEY WERE DRINKING AND ASSUMED ELLIOT WAS DRINKING ALSO(THERE WAS NO ALCOHOL IN HIS TOXOCOLOGY REPORT).BEST I CAN GATHER IS ELLIOT APPEARED "OUT OF IT"WHAT THE GIRLS DIDNT KNOW WAS THAT F***** WHO HAD CALLED ELLIOT AT LEAST SIX TIMES AT SEAN'S BUGGING HIM TO BUY OC'S,AND ELLIOT FINALLY GAVE IN.MY POOR BABY BOY DID NOT REALIZE THAT BECAUSE HE HAD BEEN CLEAN IN DETOX,HE COULD NO LONGER TAKE THE AMOUNT OF OC'S HE HAD TAKEN BEFORE.HE TOOK THE OC'S WHILE RIDING AROUND WITH THE GIRLS,AND I DONT BELIEVE THEY WERE AWARE OF THIS,THEY JUST KNEW HE WAS OUT OF IT AND ASSUMED ALCOHOL.THEY DROPPED ELLIOT AT HIS BEST FRIEND ERNIE'S HOUSE,ERNIE NOTICED HE WAS OUT OF IT AND PUT HIM TO SLEEP.THAT IS THE LAST BREATH MY BABY BOY EVER TOOK.HE OVERDOSED ON THE OXYCONTIN.DO I BLAME ANY OF THE KIDS,NOPE,ACTUALLY MY HEART BREAKS FOR THEM,CAUSE FOREVER THEY HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS.I GOT A CALL ON THE MORNING OF SEPT 8TH TELLING ME THAT ELLIOT WAS MAD SICK AND I NEEDED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL.IT WAS ERNIE AND I JUST THOUGHT ELLIOT HAD THE FLU.THEN I HEARD A LOT OF COMMOTION,I ASKED ERNIE WHO WAS THERE AND HE SAID POLICE AND FIREMAN,I ASKED TO PUT A POLICE OFFICER ON THE PHONE.THE POLIC OFFICER WAS SO COLD I WILL NEVER FORGET IT,HE SAID "YOUR SON IS UNRESPONSIVE"I SAID WHAT,I DONT UNDERSTAND,I THINK I DID UNDERSTAND BUT MY MIND DIDN'T WANT TO.I REMEMBER SCREAMING AND SCREAMING,I WOKE UP MY DAUGHTER AND MY HUSBAND,MY HUSBAND TOOK THE PHONE AND I KNEW IT WASN'T GOOD,I JUST KNEW.HE TOLD ME AND BRITT TO GET OUR CLOTHES ON WE HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL,I REMEMBER PRAYING THE WHOLE TIME,I COULDNT STOP PRAYING,I FELT AS LONG AS I PRAYED MY ELLIOT WOULD BE OK.ELLIOT PARKED THE CAR,WHILE ME AND BRITTANY WENT IN(BRITTANY WAS ONLY 14 AT THE TIME)I SAID I WANT TO SEE MY SON,THEY SAID YOU CAN SEE YOUR SON,YOU JUST HAVE TO COME IN THIS ROOM FIRST.WELL THEN AND THERE I KNEW,I HAD ALMOST LOST BRITTY WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE AND I KNOW WHY THEY PUT YOU IN THAT LIL ROOM.I TOLD THEM NO,I WASNT GOING IN THE ROOM,I WANTED TO SEE MY SON NOW.THEY HAD A SOCIAL WORKER AND SHE GENTLY GUIDED US IN THE ROOM.IT WAS THE WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE.THIS WAS CAMBRIDGE HOSPITAL,AND BELIEVE ME I WOULDNT GO THERE EVER AGAIN,THE WAY THE TREATED US WAS BEYOND HORRIBLE.THE DOCTOR SAYS TO ME "DOES YOU SON HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM"I SAID HE DID BUT WE HAD HIM IN REHAB AND HES OK NOW.HE JUST STARED AT ME WITH THESE COLD AWFUL EYES AND SAID"HE IS NOT OK"I KEPT SAYING WHAT DO U MEAN?HE WOULDN'T ANSWER ME.MY POOR LIL BRITTANY WHO WAS ONLY 14 HAD TO SAY "IS MY BROTHER DEAD"AND THE DOCTOR SAID YES HE IS.IT ALL GETS PRETTY SKETCHY FROM THERE,IVE BEEN TOLD,THAT WHEN THE MIND GETS HIT WITH SUCH BAD NEWS,IT JUST SHUTS DOWN AND GOES INTO SHOCK.I TOLD THEM AGAIN I WANT TO SEE MY SON.WE WENT INTO THIS ROOM,MY CHILD WAS ON A STRETCHER DEAD,DEAD,NOT MOVING,TALKING,BREATHING,GONE.I DIDNT BELIEVE IT,I BEGGED THEM TO WORK ON HIM SOME MORE,THEY REFUSED.I KISSED HIM AND KISSED HIM AND RUBBED HIS HEAD,IT JUST WASNT REAL TO ME.I SEARCHED EVERY INCH OF HIS BODY TO MAKE SURE NOTHING ELSE HAD HAPPENED TO HIM.I JUST REMEMBER STARING AROUND THE ROOM,I RECOGNIZED BRITTY,ELLIOT SR,MY SIS,THE PRIEST,I THINK LAURI WAS THERE,HER MOM,AND SORRY BUT I DONT REMEMBER THE OTHER GIRLS NAME,I THINK IT WAS ERIN.THEY LET ME SPEND TWO HOURS WITH MY CHILD,TWO HOURS OUT OF THE 19 YRS HE HAD BEEN MINE.AS TO THE REST,IN ALL HONESTY I HAVE BLOCKED MOST OF IT OUT,I SUFFER FROM PTSD AND ONLY REMEMBER THE WAKE AND FUNERAL IN LIL FLASHBACKS,MAYBE THATS A BLESSING,ILL NEVER KNOW.

download any of the following books and find out the real facts, these are from the Drug Salvage website. Go check them out.

The truth about drugs download...

The truth about cocaine download...

The truth about crack download...

The truth about ecstasy download...

The truth about heroin download...
The truth about ice download...

The truth about joints download...
The truth about Kiddie Cocaine download... .

The truth about LSD download...

The truth about painkillers download...

These ten booklets tell the TRUTH straight up, we need to get them out there.

glitter graphics

..I would dearly love to communicate with other parents who have lost their children to addiction.I believe that losing a child to drugs is the most helpless feeling in the world.Parents who have lost children to drugs somehow share a bond that only they can truly understand.Also anytime anyone has questions about OXYCONTIN or a problem,I am always here to help where I can.I have two screen names,both on AOL.One is OxyContinKills and the other is DonnaJMatos,feel free to Im me if you need help.
[Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Maker*]
Get your free counter
Hosted By SparkleTags.com GRIEF WISH LIST 1.I WISH YOU WOULD NOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK MY CHILD'S NAME.THEY LIVED AND ARE IMPORTANT AND I NEED TO HEAR THEIR NAME. ___________________________________________________________ 2.IF I CRY OR GET EMOTIONAL WHEN WE TALK ABOUT MY CHILD,I WISH YOU KNEW IT ISN'T BECAUSE YOU HAVE HURT ME,THE FACT THAT HE HAS DIED HAS CAUSED MY TEARS.YOU HAVE ALLOWED ME TO CRY AND I THANK YOU.CRYING AND EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS ARE HEALING. ___________________________________________________________ 3.I WISH YOU WOULDN'T LET MY CHILD DIE AGAIN BY REMOVING FROM YOUR HOME HIS PICTURES,ARTWORK,OR OTHER REMEMBRANCES. ___________________________________________________________ 4.I WILL HAVE EMOTIONAL HIGHS AND LOWS,UPS AND DOWNS.I WISH YOU WOULDN'T THINK THAT IF I HAVE A GOOD DAY MY GRIEF IS ALL OVER,OR IF I HAVE A BAD DAY,I NEED PSYCHIATRIC COUNSELING. ___________________________________________________________ 5.I WISH YOU KNEW THAT THE DEATH OF A CHILD IS DIFFERENT FROM OTHER LOSSES AND MUST BE VIEWED SEPARATELY.IT IS THE ULTIMATE TRAGEDY AND I WISH YOU WOULDN'T COMPARE IT TO YOUR LOSS OF A PARENT,A SPOUSE,OR A PET.________________________________________________________ ___ 6.BEING A BEREAVED PERSON IS NOT CONTAGIOUS,SO I WISH YOU WOULDN'T STAY AWAY FROM ME. ___________________________________________________________ 7.I WISH YOU KNEW ALL THE CRAZY GRIEF REACTIONS THAT I AM HAVING ARE IN FACT VERY NORMAL.DEPRESSION,ANGER,FRUSTRATION AND HOPELESSNESS AND THE QUESTIONING OF VALUES AND BELIEFS ARE TO BE EXPECTED FOLLOWING THE DEATH OF A CHILD. ___________________________________________________________8 .I WISH YOU WOULDN'T EXPECT MY GRIEF TO BE OVER IN SIX MONTHS.THE FIRST FEW YEARS ARE GOING TO BE EXCEEDINGLY TRAUMATIC FOR ME.AS WITH ALCOHOLICS,I WILL NEVER BE "CURED" OR A "FORMERLY BEREAVED"PARENT BUT WILL BE FOREVER BE "RECOVERING"FROM MY BEREAVEMENT. ___________________________________________________________ 9.I WISH YOU UNDERSTOOD THE PHYSICAL REACTION TO GRIEF.I MAY GAIN WEIGHT OR LOSE WEIGHT,SLEEP ALL THE TIME OR NOT AT ALL.DEVELOP A LOT OF ILLNESSES AND BE ACCIDENT PRONE.ALL OF WHICH ARE RELATED TO MY GRIEF. ___________________________________________________________ 10.MY CHILD'S BIRTHDAY,THE ANNIVERSARY OF HIS DEATH AND THE HOLIDAYS ARE TERRIBLE TIMES FOR ME.I WISH YOU COULD TELL ME THAT YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT HIM ON THESE DAYS AND IF I GET QUIET AND WITHDRAWN,JUST KNOW THAT I AM THINKING ABOUT HIM AND DON'T TRY TO COERCE ME INTO BEING CHEERFUL. ___________________________________________________________ 11.I WISH YOU WOULDN'T OFFER TO TAKE ME OUT FOR A DRINK,OR TO A PARTY,THIS IS JUST A TEMPORARY CRUTCH AND THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET THROUGH THIS GRIEF IS TO EXPERIENCE IT.I HAVE HURT BEFORE. ___________________________________________________________ 12.I WISH YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT GRIEF CHANGES PEOPLE.I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON I WAS BEFORE MY CHILD DIED AND I NEVER WILL BE THAT PERSON AGAIN.IF YOU KEEP WAITING FOR ME TO GET BACK TO "MY OLD SELF",YOU WILL STAY FRUSTRATED.I AM A NEW CREATURE WITH NEW THOUGHTS,DREAMS,ASPIRATIONS,VALUES AND BELIEFS.PLEASE TRY TO GET TO KNOW THE NEW ME:MAYBE YOU WILL STILL LIKE ME.-AUTHOR UNKNOWN ___________________________________________________________

Music:

Glitter Text Graphics

WWW.MYSPACE.COM/DAZEDANDCONFUSED1313

imikimi - Customize Your WorldMy taste in music goes from Rap to Country.I kinda like it all.My favorite artist is Eminem(i know sounds like a weird choice for a 47 yr.old woman,lol)his words really get to me,and I have come to really admire the man.I love music from the 70's and 80's,especially Disco.I like Jay-Z,Nelly,R.Kelly (although I am not thrilled with his lifestyle)P Diddy,love Kenny Rogers,Trisha Yearwood,and of course my main man WAYNE NEWTON,(I book my vacation to Vegas every year,around Wayne's schedule,lol.)
Christian Glitter by www.christianglitter.com

Movies:

One of the Loves my son Elliot and I shared was our taste in movies,we loved the same movies and would watch them over and over.They are Goodfellas,Casino,Carlioto's Way,Scarface,The Godfather,Bella Mafia,Honor Thy Father,A Bronx Tale,any movies on the Bonanno Crime Family,If it's Mafia,we have seen it,the best.Have to say my all time girly favorite movie is Boys on the Side,its funny,its sad,but i gurantee you will cry.

Television:

MyHotCommentsIm very much into reality TV.I am a huge BIG BROTHER FAN.I love to watch Intervention,Real World,American Idol,Parental Control,Date My Mom,Wife Swap,Trading Spouses,Sureal Life,Dog the Bounty Hunter.My shows that I just have to see are The Sopranos, Law and Order SVU,Law and Order Criminal Intent and Law and Order.Will and Grace,E.R.,anything with John Edwards in it (Crossing Over),Foresenic Files,Cold Case Files,and of course the TV is always on Lifetime channel,when im not watching these shows.

Books:

If I could recomend one book,and one book only,please this is a must read.Pain Killer:A "Wonder"Drug's Trail of Addiction and Death by Barry Meier.This Book truly is the tell all on OXYCONTIN.If not for OXYCONTIN,my beautiful child Elliot would still be here with me today.This is what happens when P***** Pharma put money,before people's lives.THIS CANDLE BURNS FOREVER FOR MY BABY BOY ELLIOT J MATOS JR.
Myspace Layouts

Heroes:

To me the true heroes are those who battle addiction every day.We need to put a face to addiction.It's no longer that dark image we have instilled in our minds,It's our children,our brothers,our sisters,our families,it's anyone.If you think addiction can't affect you,then you are sadly mistaken.It's people who stand up for what they believe in,no matter the consequences.My personal Hero is my daughter Brittany.Brittany was only 14 yrs.old when she lost her brother Elliot.They had the closest relationship I have ever seen in siblings.Elliot was more like a Dad,than a brother.One week after my son died,we lost my Dad (Britt's Papa)and 13 months later we lost my brother Rick (Britt's Uncle).I as an adult can barely deal with the heartache and loss,but Brittany has stood tall,and turned it all around to better herself.She grives for her brother,but I believe all the things she has accomplished,are due in part to his memory.She wants to make her "Brotha"pround,and believe me,he's smiling down on her.May 11, 2007 In Guilty Plea, OxyContin Maker to Pay $600 Million By BARRY MEIER ABINGDON, Va., May 10 —The company that makes the narcotic painkiller OxyContin and three current and former executives pleaded guilty today in federal court here to criminal charges that they misled regulators, doctors and patients about the drug’s risk of addiction and its potential to be abused.To resolve criminal and civil charges related to the drug’s “misbranding”, the parent of Purdue Pharma, the company that markets OxyContin, agreed to pay more than $600 million in fines. That is the third-highest amount ever paid by a drug company in such a case.Also, in a rare move, three executives of Purdue Pharma, including its president and it top lawyer, pleaded guilty today as individuals to misbranding charges, a criminal violation. They agreed to pay a total of $34.5 million in fines.OxyContin is a powerful, long-acting narcotic that provides relief of serious pain for up to 12 hours. Initially, Purdue Pharma contended that OxyContin, because of its time-release formulation, posed a lower threat of abuse and addiction to patients than traditional, shorter-acting painkillers like Percocet or Vicodin.That claim became the lynchpin of the most aggressive marketing campaign ever undertaken by a pharmaceutical company for such a drug. Just a few years after the drug’s introduction in 1996, annual sales reached $1 billion. Purdue Pharma heavily promoted OxyContin to doctors like general practitioners who had little training in the treatment of serious pain or in recognizing signs of drug abuse in patients.But both experienced drug abusers and novices, including teenagers, soon discovered that chewing an OxyContin tablet or crushing one and then snorting the powder or injecting it with a needle produced a high as powerful as heroin. By 2000, several parts of the United States, particularly rural areas, began to seeing skyrocketing rates of addiction and crime related to the drug’s use.Details about the plea agreements are expected to be announced at a press conference at noon today in Roanoke, Va., by John L. Brownlee, the United States attorney for the Western District of Virginia. “Misbranding” is a broad statue that makes it a crime to mislabel a drug, fraudulently promote it or market it for an unapproved use.In a proceeding this morning in United States District Court in Abingdon, Va., both Purdue Pharma and those executives acknowledged that the company fraudulently marketed OxyContin for six years as a drug that was less prone to abuse as well as one that also had fewer narcotic side effects.The time period covered by those expected guilty pleas runs from late 1995, when the Food and Drug Administration approved OxyContin for sale, to mid-2001, when Purdue Pharma, faced with both public criticism and regulatory scrutiny, dropped its initial marketing claims for the drug.Federal officials said that internal Purdue Pharma documents show that company officials recognized even before the drug was marketed that they would face stiff resistance from doctors concerned about the potential of a high-powered narcotic like OxyContin to be abused by patients or cause addiction.As a result, company officials developed a fraudulent marketing campaign designed to promote OxyContin as a time-released drug that was less prone to such problems. OxyContin is made of a long-used narcotic, oxycodone. But unlike other medications like Percocet that also contain the narcotic, OxyContin is pure oxycodone and, because it is a time-released drug, contains its in very high doses. The drug is valuable in treating serious, long-lasting pain.But to increase the drug’s use, Purdue Pharma and those executives are expected to acknowledge that “with the intent to defraud or mislead” they marketed and promoted OxyContin as a drug that was both less addictive, less subject to abuse and less likely to cause other narcotic side effects than other pain medications.For instance, when the painkiller was first approved, F.D.A. officials allowed Purdue Pharma to state the time-released of a narcotic like OxyContin “is believed to reduce” its potential to be abused.But according to federal officials, Purdue sales representatives falsely told doctors that the statement, rather than simply being a theory, meant that OxyContin had a lower potential for addiction or abuse than drugs like Percocet. Among other things, company sales officials were allowed to draw their own fake scientific charts that they then distributed to doctors to support that misleading abuse-related claim, federal officials said.Between 1995 and 2001, OxyContin produced $2.8 billion in revenue for Purdue Pharma, a closely held company that is based in Stamford, Conn. At one point, it accounted for 90 percent of the company’s sales.As part of the plea agreement, Purdue Frederick, a holding company, pleaded guilty to a felony charge of misbranding OxyContin. The company agreed to pay $600 million in criminal and civil penalties, which will be split among federal government and state agencies.Purdue Pharma will also be required to use some of that money to settle civil lawsuits. The company has also agreed, among other things, to subject itself to independent monitoring.The three top former and current Purdue Pharma executives pleaded guilty to criminal misdemeanor charges of misbranding, a charge that not require prosecutors to show knowledge of intent. However, the three individuals ran Purdue Pharma during the period in question.Those executives are Michael Friedman, the company’s president, who agreed to pay $19 million in fines; Howard Udell, its top lawyer, who agreed to pay $8 million; and Dr. Paul Goldenheim, its former medical director, who agreed to pay $7.5 million.