Random shit about me:
My Name is Olivia, I'm a professional ass. My AKA"s are "Ette" and/or "Ette Lynam". Yes, I am their older sister, and no I'm not mentioned in their bio because they're completely jealous of my success, we still talk from time to time though.
I'm not associated with Metal Sludge anymore so don't leave me comments about it. Yeah, I met a lot of cool people and I've also met a lot of freaks, and it was cool writing for Sludge the short time that I did, but Sludge was over the moment Shawn left.
The only comparison I can make when talking about what happened to Metal Sludge, is Terri Schiavo.. You know it's gonna die, but you put on life support anyway, and as a result it's now severely retarded, just about brain dead and will never be the same. Pull the fucking plug Bob, it's done.
Yes, I know about "Rock of Love" with Bret Michaels, so quit informing me about it because it's driving me apeshit. I don't watch ROL because the only thing remotely cool about it is Big John, I mean, some of the girls seem like they would be ok to hang with but the rest of the show pretty much consists of over bleached, silicone inflated circus monkeys that are about as smart as a box of animal crackers, vying for the attention of some bandana clad asshole that looks like he was attacked by a horde of angry Neutrogena sunless tanner bottles.
If an Oompa Loompa and Huckleberry Hound were to bump uglies, you'd get Bret Michaels. Rikki's a friend, Big John is fucking awesome. Bret, You look like a pile-on, and that freaks me out. I'll be watching re-runs of Man Vs. Wild instead.
Things I like:
I have a weird fascination with midgets, tupperware, mullet hunting and "as seen on TV" products.. My boyfriend has 2 magic bullets.. When I found out, I knew we were meant to be.
If you're not offended by jokes about farts, poop, retards or crippled people you're one step closer to sharing my sense of humor.
I love my friends and would do just about anything for them, my friends are my family and my family is my whole heart.
Ninja Warrior. Japanese people are fucking crazy, and by crazy.. I mean totally awesome.
The Dog Whisperer. Cesar Millan is the man, the fact that you can gain complete control over a dog just by saying "Shhhhht" while poking it in the neck, utterly amazes me. I wish it worked on people.. I'd do it all the time. Ideally while shopping at Walmart and Ross.
Things I dislike:
I hate liars, cheaters, flakes and fanny packs. I've come to the conclusion that anyone who wears a fanny pack, has a mental disorder of some type. I've also realized that you can judge the severity of the mental disorder by where the fanny pack is placed, whether it be in the back, on the side or smack dab in the front (which pretty much translates to you being completely batshit.)
I hate people who announce when they put new pictures up.. "Look at me! I have new pictures!! Go look!!"
Who gives a fuck? It's probably just another twenty thousand pictures of you pouting like a re-re in front of your bathroom mirror that you took with your cell phone. GOOD JOB asshole, have a cookie!!
If I want to look at your attention whoring ass I'll visit your page and look at all of your stupid pictures on my own time. I don't need you to send me a message or post a bulletin to remind me that you're insecure and need people to validate your importance by leaving you picture comments like.. "OMG!! YUR liEk sO HOT!!$#4$%!
Knob.
I also hate bands that message me wanting me to come to their shows. Listen, I live in Palm Springs.. If I wanted to drive 2 1/2 hours to Hollywood just to see some shitty band play Winger and Quiet Riot covers in an empty bar, I'd go see Winger and Quiet Riot. But with that being said, I'd rather dip a rusty ginsu knife in rubbing alcohol and twist it up my urethra full force.
If you really want me to watch your band play that bad, pay pal $200.00 to [email protected] and we'll talk. Throw a little extra loot my way and I'll even write a review about how much I think you suck.
In all reality, unless you're a friend of mine, you have more of a chance of seeing Lemmy Killmeister on the cover of G.Q magazine, Mick Mars winning a limbo contest, and Rick Allen doing the Hokey Pokey with Christopher Reeve on your front lawn before you'll ever see me at one of your shows. Just sayin'.
And to the creepy bastards on MySpace.. Quit sending me messages and friend requests. I have a loving boyfriend that I couldn't be more happy with. You're 45 years old with a skullet. Mentioning that you're in a band doesn't take away the fact that you play magic the gathering and live in your mothers basement. Go drink a cup of SARS, fuckbird.
As of now, I'm not accepting anymore friend requests unless I know you really well. I have too many people on my friends list that I never converse with anyway. I don't need one more.
