Paint My House On Fire - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Share a birthday with Osama bin Laden and Sharon Stone. I believe that we are our own higher powers and can move mountains if we just wish hard enough. Sense of humor getting more juvenile along with sense of self-worth. Running for host of Late Night in 2009 ( Vote Joe! ). I have a blog you should read every day. Making change work, today, for real. I'm gonna make you sweat.

My Interests

Monkey movies. Hiding places. Making Joe Garden Bloody Suicide commemorative plates. Getting the new Bill O'Reilly book without paying for it. Neil Hamburger. More coffee.

I'd like to meet:

Banksky.

Music:

Red Eyed Legends. Ursula 1000. Killdozer. Joe Bataan. Lee Harvey Oswald Band. Blue Oyster Cult. The Eternals. Oneida. The Suit. Tyondai Braxton. Parts and Labor. Lee Perry the Mighty Upsetter. Bettye Swan. Jimmy and David Ruffin. Ray Conniff. Misfits. The Heavy Metal Soundtrack. The Conet Project. Ethiopiques. Exercise Tiger. American Analog Set. The Fall.

Movies:

The Big Lebowski. The Thing. Pootie Tang. Night of the Living Dead. A Fistful of Dollars. Sexy Beast. The 39 Steps. Groundhog Day. Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia.

Television:

Popular. Freaks & Geeks. Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Sealab 2021. The Venture Brothers. Daily Show. The Simpsons. Mr. Show. King of the Hill. Tom Goes To the Mayor. Firefly. Home Movies. The Colbert Report. Countdown with Keith Olberman. My Name Is Earl. News Radio. Lost.

Books:

I am currently too lazy and self-absorbed to read.

Heroes:

James Ellroy. Anyone who makes something instead of talking about making something.

My Blog

Rush-themed Onion Headline that never made the cut

"Spirit of Radio" Blasting from iPodOkay, it's not terribly funny, but I still like it.
Posted by Paint My House On Fire on Thu, 08 Nov 2007 09:55:00 PST

Book Coming Out Next Week

Tuesday, October 9, The Dangerous Book For Dogs hits shelves. It is very nice and very cute. And I would like it if you at least seek it out in a bookstore, flip through it and say loudly "What a cute...
Posted by Paint My House On Fire on Wed, 03 Oct 2007 05:47:00 PST

Vote Now

"Billy Joel" wants to be my MySpace pal. Should I let him or not?Instinct tells me no.
Posted by Paint My House On Fire on Tue, 29 Aug 2006 07:11:00 PST

New Blog + New Jokes.

I just want to let people know that I have started a new blog, Needledrop about my new quest to purge my old records, one at a time.Also, here are some extra answers that were good but will not appear...
Posted by Paint My House On Fire on Thu, 10 Aug 2006 02:13:00 PST

More Hilarity: Sexy Lyrics, MIA and the Voting Rights Act

Here are some jokes that didn't make the cut for final publication in The Onion, but were still plenty good in my eyes. They've been backing up in my inbox for a while. They are all for the American V...
Posted by Paint My House On Fire on Tue, 08 Aug 2006 02:57:00 PST

Guest-blogging

Hey all, I am guest blogging at the Sound of Young America blog. Please, check it out!http://tsoya.blogspot.com/It will be daily, unlike this.Uh, that's it.
Posted by Paint My House On Fire on Sat, 29 Jul 2006 09:41:00 PST

I finally kicked someone off my list...

I have a rule.If someone wants to be my MySpace pal, I let 'em. I really don't give much of a shit. So scattered amongst my real friends are a number of bands I've never heard, comedy troupes I'll nev...
Posted by Paint My House On Fire on Wed, 28 Jun 2006 10:34:00 PST

Averting the Devil's Spawn

There were a lot of good answers that didn't make the final cut for the Onion. Here they are.A pregnant woman in England is trying to get her hospital to induce so the baby will not be born on 6/6/06....
Posted by Paint My House On Fire on Fri, 02 Jun 2006 04:42:00 PST

For the Great Garden...

So, I found out a week ago today that my grandpa Garden died. He was 99 years old, and it was peaceful, at home. It was not terribly unexpected, but it really sent me into a depression. I spent the fi...
Posted by Paint My House On Fire on Mon, 24 Apr 2006 07:07:00 PST

Genetically Engineered Healthier Pigs

These are extra answers for the Onion's American Voices that we could not use for space considerations. I loved 'em, others not so much so. New Healthier PigsScientists have cloned pigs that are engin...
Posted by Paint My House On Fire on Mon, 10 Apr 2006 01:30:00 PST