Myspace's No. 1 Impostor Jesus

About Me

Hi. I'm Da Jeez. I'm new to myspace. But it ain't too hard to figure out, considering hey, I made the universe, navigating myspace can't be too difficult.

I figured before I unleashed God's wrath upon you, I'd take the time to get to know a few of you, to see if this species is even worth saving. The odds upstairs are against you morons, but I say, hey give em a chance. It was like you guys were monkeys only days ago.

I kid, I kid, of course, there's no room for wrath or hate upstairs, we be lovin ya just the way weez made ya, but more importantly kids..LOVE YERSELVES!!!!!! LOVE EACH OTHER! JUST PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER!!

My Interests

Kicking ass and taking names, Prepping for the Apocalypse. You fuckers better look busy when I get back.

Bitchslappin love all around da world. Help spread it too, you know ya wanta.

I'd like to meet:

Hey, everybody wants to be my friend. I'm Da Jeez. That is, until they meet me. Then they just want to hang me from the nearest tree for speaking my mind, just kiddin ya, just kiddin ya folks.... But really, I'm a nice guy. Honest.

So leave your comments, spill your sins, and let's hear a shoutout for the Lord! Yo G!

Jesus loves you.

George Washington...who's your fore-daddy?

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Music:

Jazz. Somebody finally figured out how to lighten up. Funk. Motown. Gospel is for fags.

Movies:

Hey, I'm Da Jeez. I see all.

Television:

Hey, that's the devil's work. You need to talk to him about that one.

Books:

All. About the only good thing you bananas ever did. I kid, I kid, really :)

Heroes:

Dad. The Holy Ghost, he's pretty cool.........

Snoopy & Woodstock

My Blog

Jesus On Smoking Pot

That's right, that's right, Jesus gets high. And you should be thankful for that. For who would want a drunken Jesus, or a Jesus hooked on crack or heroin? Could you imagine me having to hit up every ...
Posted by Myspace's No. 1 Impostor Jesus on Thu, 01 May 2008 03:02:00 PST

Time For A Heart To Heart With My Monkeys

Yeah the Jeez was plannin' on hitting the sack,(that has nothing to do with my genitals, mind you)but the Big G called me up to the Pearly Gates tonight and said i had to attend a board meeting. Thing...
Posted by Myspace's No. 1 Impostor Jesus on Fri, 29 Sep 2006 03:23:00 PST

Jesus On Weirdos and Freaks

Our original plan was to have just good and evil, a bad segment of society and a good one. A ying and a yang. But then at a board meeting we were discussing just that, and thought, "You know, that's g...
Posted by Myspace's No. 1 Impostor Jesus on Wed, 11 Oct 2006 11:47:00 PST

Jesus On "Being Lazy"

Who ever heard of a lazy Jesus? What kind of saviour is that? I hear your prayers, "Ooh, Jesus, save us save us" and that's cool, but yeah, Jesus has been a lazy ass lately, not showing up on the mysp...
Posted by Myspace's No. 1 Impostor Jesus on Tue, 15 May 2007 08:59:00 PST

Jesus On "HOT OR NOT"

I'm sure most of my monkeys are familiar with the website Hot or Not. I think some clarification needs to be discussed about how the ratings work.You can score someone from 1 to 10, 10 being the hotte...
Posted by Myspace's No. 1 Impostor Jesus on Mon, 26 Feb 2007 09:47:00 PST

Jesus On Masturbating, And Getting Caught

I had a great conversation tonight with one of my monkeys. He was telling me how he almost got caught pulling his carrot at work. I about died laughing, watching his face expressions as he told the st...
Posted by Myspace's No. 1 Impostor Jesus on Wed, 10 Jan 2007 06:18:00 PST

Jesus Says "All you need is love"

Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love.There's nothing you can do that can't be done.Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.It's...
Posted by Myspace's No. 1 Impostor Jesus on Fri, 10 Nov 2006 10:36:00 PST

Jesus On "Jesus Christ Superstar"

OK kids, this has got to be Andrew Lloyd Webber's best work, but what version do you get???That's simple kids. The first one. The 1971 production with Ian Gillian (Deep Purple) as Jesus and Murray Hea...
Posted by Myspace's No. 1 Impostor Jesus on Wed, 18 Oct 2006 05:40:00 PST

Jesus On Abraham Maslow

One of the few of you modern monkeys that even have a clue................you could all do well to take a read and learn something, my beautiful children.JCSELF ACTUALIZATION"Self Actualization is the...
Posted by Myspace's No. 1 Impostor Jesus on Sun, 23 Jul 2006 11:00:00 PST

Jesus On Anal-Bleaching

Anal bleaching? ANAL BLEACHING?!?!?!? Come on kids, you're kidding me, right?Nope. Check out anal bleaching here.How did I stumble across an article on anal bleaching? Hey, I'm Jesus. Nothing gets by ...
Posted by Myspace's No. 1 Impostor Jesus on Sat, 22 Jul 2006 10:25:00 PST