Take It All Back - Deleted profile picture

Take It All Back - Deleted

Break The Cycle; Foster Awareness!

About Me


If you like the page and feel it has helped you, please help to publicise my cause by clicking on the picture above and voting for me!
Some of the things addressed within this page may prove a trigger for those suffering from PTSD. If you feel you need immediate help, please phone RAINN or a local helpline.
Seccuro: "It’s like you’re being killed. And yet you still live. And you live with the memory of it. There were days where I almost wished I had died, so great is the shame, so great is the degradation and the humiliation."
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My name is Katie. I am a twenty year old woman from England. When I was ten years old, I was sexually abused by two of my childminder's sons. With this profile, I hope to raise awareness and foster a deeper understanding of what survivors battle every day so that we are able to try and stop this from happening to many other children! It is only through shoving this particularly horrible trauma in people's faces that people will ever become concientious about it... and survivors will lose the guilt that they sometimes harbour for years, never letting up on themselves, never realising that an abusive situation is NEVER of their own making. It isn't as simple as just 'leaving' or 'telling' someone. If it was, abuse wouldn't happen at all.
I'm so incredibly touched whenever I get messages of support... it really means so much to me and I know that the page is having an impact! I don't think I've ever met so many beautiful people in my life! I really want to spread awareness and show the world that this can have a devastating impact on someone's life, but how you can fight against it and really overcome evil...
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HATERS The internet is a free space. If you don't like this page because of the content, don't send me hate mail. Actually, go on, send me hate mail here , because it makes me laugh more than anything.
It pisses me off that people think that I should be quiet about something that has affected me for my entire life, simply because it's of a sexual nature. Yes, it's a taboo subject, and you know why? Because people don't like to think of children being subjected to torture or degredation. Well... I was. I came through it, I'm a normal, well balanced and happy person, I always try my hardest to help others.
If you comment/message me, I will always try my hardest to reply. Obviously it gets a little dollally sometimes with the amount of mail that I receive, but I do read all of them. I am only human, and sometimes I have days where I simply do not have energy to respond, and I ask that you bear with me during those days.
The page is focused on helpful pages and places that people who have been victimised can go to help themselves. It also looks into/ will look into the different issues that arise with abuse (PTSD, depression, eating disorders, self harm etc).
I have had TWO hatemails. That's it, in the region of a couple of thousand good ones.
This site has been great for my own healing. I feel more complete than I have done in years.
I'm not going to be quiet anymore. Neither are you, it seems, from the way that you are even reading this. It's only by giving voice to our fears that we overcome them... It happened to me, and it continues to happen to children the world over. If people are made more aware of the emotional, physical, sexual and mental repercussions of abuse, then it means that survivors are no longer ostracised because of their experiences. People would talk about trauma if they were mugged... or in a train crash... and those traumas go just as deep, but somehow, they are more socially acceptable.
I like to meet positive people. If you're not one of them, then don't bother mailing me to tell me to take the profile down. It's not going to work, okay? There is nothing bad on here at all.
Also, please don't tell me that I need to 'get over it' or 'move on'... it's highly irritating, even more so than people who cling to the 'victim' title. I am moving on, hence the page! I want to help others... that is why I am here, why I continue to update the profile, and why I pressed charges against my abusers (but ultimately was screwed by the British justice system!)...DIV
To check out my reasons for setting up this site, CLICK HERE . There's a link to my story further down the page.
Get Live Help Now
The National Sexual Assault Online Hotline, which is a secure web-based crisis hotline, provides live, secure and completely confidential help to victims through an interface as intuitive as instant messaging.
The Online Hotline is available from 4 pm to 6 pm EST, Monday through Friday. More days and times will open within the next few weeks and months.
Thanks,
RAINN
The blogs are in place here so that people can respond... survivors, secondary survivors, and people sympathetic to my cause. Share your experiences or your feelings if want! I will try and post a range of exercises to try out... keep checking up on the blogs! If you think of any ideas... mail them to me and I will check them out...

These are the blogs... - just click on the links below to view...
My Story. LONG AND TRIGGERING!!

My plans for the blogs...

Words on Reclaiming......

Healing Quotes...

Who deserves to heal?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Encouraging song lyrics

Healing...

It was/wasn't my fault because...

The Empowering Inner Potential to End Violence...

I fight like a girl...

Triggers and how to deal with them...

Reasons that I deserve to heal...

What do you bring to the world?

Insomnia

Poetry

Coping with nightmares...

Safety Tips for Surprise Attacks

Eating Disorders

"Twilight Children"

"Creating a "Safe Place" and notes on my healing journey"
Plans for future blogs include:
-Sensory memories
-Panic attacks
-Grounding mechanisms
-Creating and maintaining a support network
-Grieving for your inner child (or person that you were) and celebration of the survivor that you are
-Reporting your abuse/rape
-Self Injury
-Other self destructive behaviours and why these occur
-Other disorders that occur from sexual trauma (i.e. bipolar personality, etc - if there is a specific one that you would like covered, please mail me...)
-How to get through survivor workbook exercises without wanting to cut the books up and your hands and head off simultaneously
-Body responses during abuse - when you feel as if your body betrayed you... -etc etc (any suggestions, please mail)
**Also... I am well aware that some of the friends on this friends list are from a train. Unless your profile is a role playing profile, promotes porn or anything horrible, I will not deny your friends request. This is because I have absolutely no way of knowing if the people who add this profile have been through a sexual assault or not... or if they support my cause... and who I am I to judge that? However, if you add my personal profile, I will ONLY add you if you send a message first. I don't like adding randoms on to it, as I do like to talk to people on there! I don't want to sound horrible... that's just the way it is :P**

This links to my personal profile.
Pleeeease don't spam me on that one; if you add it, talk to me! I'm not about playing the numbers game...
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There was once a girl who I shall leave to remain nameless. She was the most beautiful girl that I had ever met, inside and out. We started talking, and she let me know some of her deepest secrets and fears. This page is for her too. She is in a dark place at the moment, but I know that God will pull her through this and give her the peace that she deserves. At such a tender age she has been through so much already. Jesus, I pray that you will keep her safe and give her the strength and courage to see through her darkest time. I offer all that I have to her that she will discover what an amazing soul she really is, and the person that she will become. I pray that you will give her direction and hope for her life.
I just hope she knows how much she means to me.
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There are better and more satisfying things in life than physical pain. They will suffer divine retribution... I know that... MyGen Profile Generator

My Interests

'Over 20.83% of the population suffer some forum of sexual abuse before the age of 18 years old. They come from all walks of life, all backgrounds, and happens to both females and males, rich and poor, white, black, or pink.

Many victims of childhood sexual abuse will have been abused by someone in the family or a close family friend, and the abuser can be either male or female, rich or poor, teacher, step dad, mother, babysitter, vicar, brother or anyone. Some will have been abused by a stranger, and although that is what becomes reported in the news far more often, abuse happens far more often by someone known to the child that they should have been able to trust to protect them.

If you have been abused, please know that you are not alone, and it is possible to overcome the devastating effects that abuse can have on people for many years to come if left un-dealt with.'

http://www.aest.org.uk/survivors/

"One day I looked over my life and found myself quite confused. I was experiencing anger and hurt over events that were painful. I found it difficult to see joyful periods. I was uncertain of the path I was following. If I only looked to my past, I had little hope for the future. Looking for some understanding I began to pray. As I sat quietly, I felt a sense of peace and I waited. Slowly, an image of an innocent child came to mind. She came into this world a tiny infant, complete in every way, dependant on those around her to take care of her needs. I viewed myself like a picture window, with clear glass and a white frame. As my journey began, I could not see clearly, I need a helping hand to guide me. Later on someone threw a stone. It hit the glass and made a small crack that I could not fix. Many stones came and cracked my spirit with each blow. Eventually it fell and broke. I could not get back up. I did not know how. Many walked by, ignoring the broken pieces. Some came by and crushed me under their feet. These images disturbed me and I prayed. I felt much sadness and asked many questions. I wanted to know what the future could hold. As I sat quietly and waited, I felt a gentleness touch my heart. I felt my spirit cry out, "At this moment all I have is a pile of broken glass I cannot put back together." As tears rolled down my cheeks, I felt a comfort surround me. Something spoke to my heart and said, "My dear child, I never wanted to see you hurt. I have saved every teardrop. I will wash away your pain. You will have joy. I have many wonderful plans for you, more wonderful that you can imagine. Allow me to guide you. I will transform you into something new. Those pieces of glass will be full of color and life. I will help you put those pieces together." Then I could see myself becoming a beautiful stained glass window. As the sun shone through, the most magnificent colors were glowing. I'm grateful I am no longer alone."
~Michelle Comeau- 27

I'd like to meet:

I do not want people to think that this profile is geared only towards survivors. This is for you, yes, if you have been a victim of abuse... but it is for your mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, family and friends. It is for the people that you don't even know. Sexual assault can happen to any one and it should no longer be a taboo subject! If you are of an open mind and care about others, then I would like to talk to you. (Bear in mind that this is a work in progress, lol).

Visit New Forum Here!

Visit New Forum Here!

Check out Haullie’s audio trailer. This is such a fabulous idea…

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Music:

This woman is amazing... check her out :)

Da'Nelle writes with passion and draws on her own difficult childhood to create her amazing sound. Her daughter is her inspiration to continue creating a more peaceful and loving world. She is always there for others and is such a beautiful soul. I adore her to bits!

Movies:



Television:



Books:

There are some awesome books to facilate healing. 'The Courage to Heal' is a workbook by Laura Davis. 'Overcoming Traumatic Stress' by Claudia Herbert and Ann Wetmore is an extremely useful book, not geared solely towards survivors, but as the name suggests, any kind of traumatic stress! 'Breaking Free; Help for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse' by Carolyn Ainscough and Kay Toon is also a fabulous book. 'Women Who Run With the Wolves' by Clarissa Pinkola Estes... 'Scars Don't Hurt' by Margaret Davidson More coming soon... open to suggestions...

Heroes:

Tori Amos, Martin Luther King, anyone who has gone through trauma and battled their own demons. My heroes are imperfect. That's what I like about them.

My Blog

Cheerio... I'm leaving on a jet plane!

Hi guys and girls&..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />   Wow& what a journey I've been on in the last year& and so much you have seen and experienced with me....
Posted by Take It All Back on Thu, 10 May 2007 06:43:00 PST

spinal injury (update!)

Normally I keep this blog for survivor related issues, but it's the easiest way to inform those of you who've been worried about my absence - I have sustained a spinal injury. Originally it was one di...
Posted by Take It All Back on Tue, 13 Mar 2007 03:09:00 PST

Creating a safe place and notes on my own healing

When I started to undertake therapy, I talked with my therapist about many things. We discussed different kinds of treatment and what I wanted to achieve from the therapy. We decided to undertake EMDR...
Posted by Take It All Back on Sun, 24 Dec 2006 03:00:00 PST

Torey Hayden - "Twilight Children"

This is an amazing book. It's written by a woman that works as a child psychologist in America. She used to be a teacher. She's written a few different books, but this one really stood out to me. Ther...
Posted by Take It All Back on Sun, 22 Oct 2006 03:08:00 PST

Brave - the story behind the song...

When it gets deleted, check it out here, at Gavin's myspace page... However dark it gets... don't ever give up! We all have so much to offer the world... just sometimes, it's difficult to see it withi...
Posted by Take It All Back on Sat, 02 Sep 2006 05:39:00 PST

Eating Disorders

Eating Disorder or Diet? The most common element surrounding ALL Eating Disorders is the inherent presence of a low self esteem Having an Eating Disorder is much more than just being on ...
Posted by Take It All Back on Tue, 15 Aug 2006 04:51:00 PST

Personal Safety Tips for Surprise Attacks

I have personally found http://www.safetyforwomen.com/preparing.htm the best website... there is a whole bunch of stuff listed below though.   This blog is really centred on surprise attacks...
Posted by Take It All Back on Thu, 10 Aug 2006 03:25:00 PST

Coping with nightmares (the biggest bitch of all!)

This article is great, but it doesn't mention sensory nightmares. The only thing that I can say is (as I suffer from these lots) is REFUSE to let your body disassociate in the day, keep yourself immer...
Posted by Take It All Back on Sat, 22 Jul 2006 05:16:00 PST

Poetry (trigger warning)

I thought maybe here people could post poems that they have written or links... some of my poetry is a little too raw and personal to share, but others are shown here - some from bad times, and some f...
Posted by Take It All Back on Sat, 22 Jul 2006 04:54:00 PST

Insomnia

I know that a good few of the people that I have spoken through this site suffer, like myself, with chronic insomnia. Before I present this article, I just want to say that I think that there are a l...
Posted by Take It All Back on Sat, 22 Jul 2006 07:33:00 PST