Michelle-Lee White - ProfilesArchive

About Me

My name is Michelle-Lee and I recently came out of retirement from another life to pursue my dream of being a stand-up comedian and writer. I went on stage for the first time on July 4th, 2006 and my efforts are going as well as expected. I am taking baby steps---when my agoraphobia is in remission---and I want to record the highs and lows of a career in comedy. This is a real work in progress. I hope you will stay tuned.
I started writing my memoir four years ago---in the height of a chronic episode of depression---and I've decided to post excepts from the book as well as other comedic stories. So please check in from time to time. I have had many self-sabotaged brushes with sucess and I have unsolicited advice to share about coping with failure, learned helplessness, personal responsibility, desperation, immediate gratification and fulfilment.
My memoir, "A Low Life on Purpose," is based on real events in my life...at times...and whatever I can piece together from PTSD flashbacks, dissociative episodes and night terrors. Think of it as a cautionary tale or whatever...the kind of stuff you discuss with a good friend, your therapist(s) or during a lapdance. I am the Afterschool Special that didn't make it past the censors.
Cutting Edge Comedy!...That's right...I am a cutter! I'm serving up despair with a smile.
Topics include (but are not limited to):
- Why I Never Took Up Scrapbooking
- Girl Interrupted, Woman Stopped Cold
- People Who Coin Buzzwords
- My Shady Paki...My Best Friend
- Framing Your Membership Card
- Knocked Up & Clueless
- My "Gay"
- Cock Soup & Ganja Tea
- Di Panty 'Dem Gan...Oh! Lawd, Mi Panty 'Dem Gan (A Modern Jamaican Tale)
- Jamaica, Jamaica....Yes, I'm of "Yardie" Descent
- Mental Illness & the Single Female
- The One Trick Pony: My "Dates" With A Male Exotic Dancer
- Sex & the Fat Woman
- BBW...Big Black & Waiting
- Midget Fantasy
- My Brushes with Celebrity (i.e. Celine Dion, The Pope, Patsy Galant, JFK Jr....)
- Evil and their Doers
- The Cock Ring
- He Tasted Like Chicken
- My Super Hero Alter Egos--- Mistress Mimi & ShaQueenTahLaSho'QuanDah (Yes, the spelling of her name is case sensitive.)
Just Curious: If A Fat Chick Whips Out A Titty, Does It Make A Sound?
What!
Huh?
Eh?
?Por Que
View Results

My Interests

Contemporary art & culture, music, film, letting my parents see me thrive, writing, learning to play the cello, paying off my student loans, trying to look good naked, and interpretive dance.

I don't mean to sound like a broken record. It's all good, but...

This is a child fucker in relation to my general...

Does this come in a laptop case? Do they have layaway?

I'd like to meet:

Anyone who wants to sit at my little table...
[Note: Pedophiles will be promptly interviewed by Dateline NBC...it's like porn to me.]

...and a sugar daddy who loves the cute and chubbies or a gastric by-pass surgeon who is into long walks, stimulating conversation and nipple clamps.

My Comment Box
Leave me a comment:
Instead of clicking on "Add Comment" link on the bottom, just use the box below to write me a comment.

View/Edit All All of My Comments

Please do not leave spam or large Image files. I LOVE the artwork. I do not want to disable HTML; but I will if I have to. The larger images mess with my profile layout.

Music:

Zamphir: Master of the Pan Flute (He lives 2 towns west of me!)

Movies:

One Flew Over The Coo Coo's Nest; 12 Monkeys; The Handmaidens' Tale; Girl Interrupted; Sleepers; Fight Club; Sweet Baby Jane; Poor Little Rich Girl, Natural Born Killers, Amadeus, Last Tango in Paris, Downtown 81; 54; Sex Lies and Video Tape; The People vs. Larry Flynt; Leaving Las Vegas; Being There, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas; Dirty Pretty Things; The Cook-The Thief-His Wife & Her Lover; Baraka; 9 1/2 Weeks; American History X, Thumbsucker; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; Dr. Strangelove..."; Babette's Feast; What Dreams May Come; Secretary; anything starring Benicio Del Toro, Ed Norton, Julie Christie, Christopher Walken, Julliette Lewis or James Spader---you get the idea, right? Hey Benicio...Papi! I have an aversion to calling men---who are not my father---"papi", or "daddy" as in "Who's Your Daddy?" It's just this thing I have, but I may make an exception for you tho'.

Television:

Arrested Development, The Office, Biography, The Beachcomers, The Rick Mercer Report, This Hour Has 22 Minutes, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Behind the Music, The Root of All Evil (Damn!) Flight of the Conchords, Human Giant, Behind the Music That Sucks; Corner Gas, Kids in the Hall, Degrassi Junior High (The OG!), P.O.V., The Fifth Estate, The Blue Realm, Weeds, Planet Earth; Mr. Dressup, The Electric Company, Zoom, Shazam & Isis, Mystery Science Theater 3000 and E True Hollywood Story: Herve Villechez (Tattoo from Fantasy Island...and the last episode of ETHS I ever watched)

Also: South Park, The Simpsons, King of the Hill, Family Guy, Comedy Central, Comedy Network, HBO or IFC Programming

Books:

Milan Kundera: "Remains of the Day" & "The Unbearable Lightness of Being"; "Art as a Verb"; Marcel Proust; anything by Beatrix Potter. I loved the way her books felt in my tiny hands.; Judy Blume; "A Doll's House," Henrik Ibsen; "L'etranger," Albert Camus

Heroes:

My Mom & Dad, My Uncle Carl Wint (Journalist "Leminotep"), Louise Rosenberg, Dr. Candace Cattan, Faisal aka Fayz aka Jack Chirac, Moms Mabley, The Hon. Louise Bennett (Miss Lou), Miriam Makeba, Oprah Winfrey, Carrie Fisher, Tina Turner, Chaka Khan, Millie Jackson, Grace Jones, Michael Moore, David Suzuki, Trauma Survivors and those who help and love them. ..........and Sally Kirkland.

Ooooh...and Lola Falana, the ex-Vegas showgirl turned crusader against hunger and poverty. I wanted to be her when I was a little girl. She appeared regularly on the Flip Wilson, Mike Douglas, Merv Griffin, and Dinah Shore shows in the 70s...and now as a crusader...I still want to be like her when I grow up.

Yes...I wanted to be a Vegas Showgirl---a show stopper---a headliner---when I was a little girl.

Don’t you judge me!

My Blog

A Low Life on Purpose.

mx.Just a shout out to my active and curious pedophiles... Silence is Sexy Einstürzende Neubauten...
Posted by Michelle-Lee White on Tue, 08 Apr 2008 07:51:00 PST

A Low Life on Purpose: Im just sayin...

...
Posted by Michelle-Lee White on Sun, 23 Mar 2008 10:21:00 PST

A Low Life on Purpose: round midnight

I went to McDonald's after Comedyworks last night. I was so hungry. I inhaled a value meal after midnight. I just imagined that I was in The Matrix and pretended it was a salad. I own it, 'cause...
Posted by Michelle-Lee White on Tue, 04 Mar 2008 11:15:00 PST

A Low Life on Purpose: Wisdoms by Miss Peaches

After supper this evening, I had a casual, quasi-political discussion with my parents (I still live with them, remember ).I think the race for the presidency in the United States is fantastic. I think...
Posted by Michelle-Lee White on Sun, 02 Mar 2008 08:59:00 PST

A Low Life on Purpose: ...et en toi.

This isn't just about me. ...
Posted by Michelle-Lee White on Sat, 01 Mar 2008 10:08:00 PST

A Low Life on Purpose: Spin

It's funny how things come 'round full circle. In an earlier post, I wrote about a brief romantic interlude this summer with a man named Hollywood. He serenaded me and I recorded some of it on my shit...
Posted by Michelle-Lee White on Mon, 04 Feb 2008 06:29:00 PST

A Low Life on Purpose: Boxes

I am beginning to believe. Stitch.I am less of a puzzle.I am more like a quilt. Stitching.Of leather and gauzeHeld together by fine and fragileThreads of glass. Stitched. Mx.Note...
Posted by Michelle-Lee White on Wed, 30 Jan 2008 08:43:00 PST

A Low Life on Purpose: Letter to the Editor

Dear Leminotep, Sir:During this unsettled time, I ask for one favor: Please shed a little lightOn my empty shelves...I cannot find the book. ...and the online archive is incomplete,Sipping a carrot j...
Posted by Michelle-Lee White on Wed, 16 Jan 2008 01:07:00 PST

A Low Life on Purpose: Lab Rat aka "Get The Lead Out!"

OK... I've been working on this one for a while. I cannot finish it and post, however, Until I find a book that I have misplaced.It is an essential source of vitamins and minerals.Damn!Until. Mx.NB: M...
Posted by Michelle-Lee White on Fri, 11 Jan 2008 01:33:00 PST

A Low Life on Purpose: Raising The Dead

A couple of weeks ago, My 9 year-old nephew interrupted an adult conversation that was about him. We thought we were whispering quietly enough. He entered the room professing:"Ex-kii-uuussse me! I hee...
Posted by Michelle-Lee White on Mon, 12 Nov 2007 03:15:00 PST