Binges, Blackouts, Promiscuity
Drunken bastard of the Month:
January
Fatty Hammington's Tale:
Ok, I don't have a great story but I'll try!
So, It was New Years Eve, 2004. My cousin had just announced that he was returning to Iraq "just for the hell of it", so we decided to go to the pub and grab a few rounds of Jameson before heading to the party at church. Well, my husband, cousin and I were feeling no pain as we trudged up the street to join the rest of our family who were already waiting at the church for us to arrive. We proceeded to boogie down with the masses after the masses and throw down more drinks. Everyone was having a great time. We were all enjoying ourselves until.....this crazy weirdo chick decides that she's gonna cry to EVERYONE in the parish that my cousin is going to Iraq because he would rather die than date her. The funny thing is, that is totally true. So, with the help of the practically straight Jameson that must have been flowing through my veins, I totally encouraged her train of thought and made her cry on the bathroom floor. So, to ease her pain, I made her buy me more Jamesons. Well, it all came back to haunt me. Nine months later, my husband and I had a baby and a few weeks after that my cousin returned from Iraq a few pounds lighter and missing some parts. The good news is that now we all have a reason to need a drink and are currently working on receiving disability for alcoholism to spend more time with you, glorious Jameson!
October
It's Fraterday's tale:
"Starting out a great Fraterday weekend is always the good friend Jameson followed with some Guinness. Well this weekend ended up worse than the others.After drinking Jameson for many many hours, my friend who we call the Bogenator decided that he was going to make a phone call. The idea was nice, but the call ended on notes of profanity and racial slurs. Not long after, he decided that his brothers were out to take his money. Many more hours go by of yelling, fighting, and punching holes in the wall. He wanted to head to the airport at 3am to catch a plane to Ireland just so he can be away, but eventually everyone calmed down for the usual pass out and forget event. But not this night. Enjoying a few beers in the drive way brought some un wanted attention from the crack selling neighbors who ended up starting the 2nd fight of the night, this one leaving me cuts all over my arm. The fight ended when the middle brother, who recently came home from the navy, knocked the crack seller's head into the driveway a couple of times, and then once into his own truck. After that it was a blur of nothing, and waking up to a bruised body and cut up arm, I figure that I give Jameson the offical Fraterday stamp of approval, though you've been asked to stay away for a few weeks until things calm down. No worries, you'll probably be there anyway."
September
Rev. Ruaid's tale:
"So it was like this, right.
The gang and I decided to have a little party, kick back a few stouts, drink vats upon vats of Jamesons (because that's how we Scotch-Irish Americans roll). So anyway, one drink lead to another and I was pretty fucking smashed. I, being the totally drunken bastard I was (thank you by the way), thought it was my girl standing behind me. So I spun around in my seat and slapped her on the ass. Well, it wasn't my girl, it was my best friend's girl, Nicole.
I was fucked.
Spicy, whom is the best friend in question, came stumbling out of no where and punched me square in the gob (the fat fuckshite), and I nearly fell out of my chair. Then Nicole comes out of no where and punches me as well, I nearly fall out of my seat yet again. Then MY girl comes out of no where and punches me, and I start spittin' up blood, and a tooth. At this point, I was pretty fucked up, but was that the end? Fuck no! It wasn't as sure as you aren't Jack Daniels! Then comes our Jewish friend (whom we've dubbed Jewy McHeb because she's proven herself to be pretty Irish), out of no where and punches me. At this point I fall on the floor.
I look up at her, pretty fucking beat and I ask "Why?" Jewy responds, "because everyone else was doing it and Jameson's told me too."
The next day, we went to work (Spicy and I work in the same place) and we came in pretty bruised and bloody (because he slapped my girl in the ass later on that evening and I was holding a pool cue). For 6 months after that they did not schedule us to work together because they thought we would beat each other up in the store. I tried to explain to them that we were just two drunken Scotch-Irish who were drinkin' whiskey. It happens."
August
Busta Knutt's tale:
"Jesus, where do I start! First of all, I was a graveyard shift bartender in New Orleans for 5 years, we would go through 2-3 bottles a night. I am known for binge drinking and I only drink Jameson much like the rest of NOLA. I started drinking at work one night and drank 47 shots of Jameson while working! I awoke to the police beating me in the street(not knowing it was 3 days later). I quickly looked around at my surroundings and realized I had passed out on my front doorstep. I couldn..t even make it the extra foot......ic. I tried explaining to the police(between nightstick hits) that I lived there to which they said "your lying but if you can make it in the door, we..ll let you go" I found my keys luckily and slammed the door behind me til they left. I drank more whiskey and awoke to a knock at the door later......It was a blonde girl with a black eye. She said we had plans to which I told her I did not know who she was........she then explained she had been living with me for the past few days! She was a little confused (not as much as me) but she came in and I slept with her again (why not) then threw her out of the house never to see her again......just one of many fond stories on Mr. Jameson..s tab!"
So it's not exactly a monthly thing anymore, but if you've got a good drunken mishap you'd like to share with all of us, send it to me and Ill do my best to get it on here.
Cheers!
Pogues, Stiff Little Fingers, The Tossers, Dubliners, Thin Lizzy, Real Mackenzies, Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly, Blood or Whiskey, Black 47, Dublin City Ramblers,
The Commitments, Molly Maguires, Boondock Saints, Butcher Boy, Michael Collins, Top O' the Mornin',
Finnegan's Wake, Dracula, Borstal Boy,
Arthur Guinness, John Jameson,