B|ACKNESS - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I GUESS WE MISS, so much...in ALL of THE SMALL CONVERSATIONS, IN BETWEEN, LIKE IN REAL PERSONAL INTERACTIONS, THAT GIVE US BETTER PERSPECTIVE AND UNDERSTANDING OF EACH OTHER. VIRTUAL INTERACTIONS LEAVE A LOT TO MISINTERPRETATION. WHEN I HEAR ABOUT GOD, JESUS AND SATAN...I LOOK AT THESE CONCEPTS AND IDEAS AND THEIR EVOLUTION INTO WHAT they have become today. I LOOK AT THE PERSPECTIVE OF CHANGING TIMES AND EVOLVING INTELLIGENCE TO SEE THESE CONCEPTS RATHER DIFFERENTLY THAN MOST. I CAN SEE THE POSSIBILITY OF, SUPERIOR SCIENTIFIC INTELLIGENT ALIEN ENTITIES, FROM ANOTHER PART OF THE UNIVERSE, BEING CALLED GODS, DEMONS AND DEVILS...BECAUSE OF PRIMITIVE THOUGHT PROCESSES AND LIMITED UNDERSTANDING. I BELIEVE ALL MYSTERIES CAN BE ANSWERED BY SCIENTIFIC FACT AND CAN BE EXPLAINED, if we have the ability to comprehend it. I believe, WE AS A SPECIES, JUST LACK THE UNDERSTANDING TO COMPREHEND these things...Hard truths, about US as species, about reality, about our existence...just yet. JUST BECAUSE I EMBRACED AND PRACTICED MANY DIFFERENT BELIEF SYSTEMS AND FORSOOK THEM, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I DO NOT RETAIN A PART OF EACH IN MY VERY ESSENCE. ALSO, JUST BECAUSE I EXHIBIT ASPECTS OF A PARTICULAR BELIEF, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I PRACTICE IT. I EMBRACE POSITIVE ASPECTS, SHARED BY CHRISTIANITY, BUT I AM BY NO MEANS, CHRISTIAN. JUST CAUSE I EXHIBIT EXPRESSION SHARED BY SATANISM, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I AM A SATANIST. I DO NOT NEED ANY FUCKIN LABELS! I DON'T NEED A GODDAMN IDENTITY! I FUCKIN HAVE ONE...ME. AS YOU SEE...I SPEAK MY OWN WORDS, SHARE MY OWN ART...I HAVE MY OWN NAME. NO ONE ELSES! GAIN UNDERSTANDING...BEFORE PLACING JUDGEMENT. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE STICKING MY BIG FUKIN HORNS IN SOMEONE'S ASS! PEOPLE IN MY REAL LIFE, KNOW THE FEELING. MISJUDGE ME AND I'LL TEAR UP YOUR FUCKIN MIND...JUST TO TEACH YOU A BETTER FUCKIN WAY. If I feel like HAILING SATAN!!!! today...I will, so be it. If I feel like being inspirational to my pitiful unfortunate fellow humans, so be it. *************************************************** I hope everyone understands that, I DO NOT EMBRACE OR PRACTICE ANY FORM OF RELIGIOUS SYSTEM OF BELIEF!!! I DO NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE TELLING ME HOW TO FUCKIN LIVE MY LIFE. I THINK ONE FUCKIN BELIEF SYSTEM, IS AS BAD AS ANOTHER. I ELECT TO LIVE BY ever CHANGING or selective ETHICS, THAT IS DEFINED BY THE CHOICES, I MAKE ALL DAY LONG...EVERYDAY. THAT TO ME, SEEMS MORE REALISTIC THAN, BELIEVING IN THINGS THAT CAN NOT BE PROVED OR SEEN. IT SEEMS MORE REASONABLE, TO BELIEVE IN YOUR OWN ABILITIES AND IDEAS, THAN RELINQUISH YOUR WILL...YOUR MIND...YOUR IDEAS, AND BETRAY YOUR OWN SOUL! by accepting other fallible individuals' outside influence. I SERVE NO DEITY, CAUSE I DO NOT KNOW ANY! As you can see, I HAVE A DARK SIDE, UNSEARCHABLE AND IMMEASURABLE BLACKNESS...I ALWAYS HAVE. I CANNOT QUITE SATISIFY MY DESENSITIZED MENTAL APPETITE & TASTE FOR ENTERTAINMENT...AUDIO AND VISUAL. YOUR DARKEST EXPRESSIONS, ARE most PLEASING TO ME. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT RELIGION, AGENDAS AND CRUSADES. I AM HERE TO GIVE FUCKIN HAILZ TO MUSICK! AND To MUSICIANS! I can bring it, to whatever level of intensity, you desire. If you talk to anyone that lives with me or had (wife, kids, X-girlfriends, inlaws, etc.), they might tell you that, i am the devil. Even though I choose to do positive & amazing things, i have a black soul...with darkness that cannot be measured. When comes to my own survival & existence, i live life, by my own rules and laws. I am an entity, unto my self. I trust no one with my life. when i am with blacks, whites or any other race of peoples, it is obvious...i am not as them. i have stopped trying to fit in to any group of people...including my own race, a long time ago. i am something different. i am not like, anyone i know. Those who are similiar, are my kids, brother, parents and grandparents...and i am distinctly different from them. It seems that, i am being questioned to explain my preferences in musick, friends, top friends, my moods swings and art expressions far too much. My friends keep leaving or stop talking to me, because...I am getting too fukin dark or scary. I become judged, for liking different aspects of life. so be it! if you choose to be a lesser form of person...well, fukin join the billions of ingrates! I choose to be a person of substance. I have no desire to discuss religion or anti-religion with those, who cannot respect or appreciate the fact that, my participation in such things has been extreme in nature. Simple fukin cliches, that are acceptable to you...do not mean a fukin thing to me. I know what i have been and what i am today. My physical friends, which are very few, that aren't in prison, institutions or dead...know me. My family knows the monster that i am. i make decisions everyday...to love, to engage people, to forgive and to stimulate life, based on my understanding of life. i do not rely on my conscience or my feelings. i afraid that those things are not present anymore. i accept all people, but all do not accept me. i am intolerant with ignorange, close-mindedness and censorship. To sum me up. I am insane but intelligent...I am everything and I am nothing. One moment i may sit at the bus stop and talk to someone for an hour and give them my last twenty...and in another moment, I'll take the gun away from the MuthaFucka trying to rob me and shuv it down his fukin throat, with the hammer cocked back! I'll make him understand a fear he never thought he could ever fukin know...he may get his teeth fukin bashed in or holes in his hands and feet, to remember me...or just piss in his fukin pants. I am everything and I am nothing! the process has begun, but it is acceptable...i have my dignity. each day i hear the dead branches break off, and fall to the ground. i do most things, as well as most people. i do some things excetionally well and better than most people and i am lacking in a few areas of my life. my deficiencies are: mostly mental illness shit! momemtary lapses of reason, memory loss, reality freezes, psychotic outbursts, personality changes, and various other mental issues...my family says, i am the meanest, cruelest, most heartless, cold mutha fucka...sometimes. my exceptional qualities: physically, i am very satisfying to women, i still have a young attitude, i learn very fast, i adapt well to change, i've worked through most of my personal issues, i take pleasure in teaching people, i am experienced in life and i have an open mind. i am a mental, but highly intelligent and competent. i am addicted to musick and things related to musick... (((((*Enter my blog space to read details about me.))))) .the sickness.random reality lapses.dark madness.manic releases.black sadness.visions.voices.dreams.thoughts.views.opinions.halluc inations.bipolarwriting.monster diaries. ================================================= fear the devils in disguise...fear the quiet man...fear the madman while he sleeping...do not trust him when he is dreaming...fear the medicated man...his pain has been bridled and made numb by his pills...fear the system of control around you...fear the morons that shape our future...fear the deceit that blinds the eyes...no cares to know if i am okay inside...they forget or do not know that i am a monster in chains!!!! and what keeps me in check??? what are my chains that restrain me??? my conscience, my medication, KNOWLEDGE, my voice of reason, my intelligence, my desire to be a part of the human race, my family and mostly FEAR.......fear what? fear of what i can so easily become...fear of losing my ability to hear my inner voice of reason and the call of my conscience...fear of NOT CARING ANYMORE...fear of searing my conscience...fear of losing my fricking MIND completely FOREVER!!fear of not being able to distinguish right from wrong...fear of fading away and not realizing it..*Experience the art of BLACKNESS~ Free Gothic layouts at SatanSpace.com

My Interests

(I AM AN ARTIST, MUSICIAN, WRITER, PHOTOGRAPHER & in my professional career, a LEADER)........THIS SPACE AND REALM IS FOR MUSICIANS, MUSIC FANS, ARTISTS, PHOTOGRAHERS, WRITERS, MENTALLY ILL, and CHOSEN FRIENDS.*Experience the art of BLACKNESS~

I'd like to meet:

*.ghosts, spirits of the dead, demons, devils, succubi, angels, and all multi-dimensional entities.*.my maker, creator or designer. *.people that are similiar to myself, with similiar interests*.any and all intelligent alien life forms that exist outside of our understanding. Make Your Self Fuckin Electric! No matter who and what you are! Captivate us! we betray ourselves by being mediocre... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Music:

A specific PULSE~~~~~~~i do not necessarily share the beliefs of the music and the bands i listen to...eventhough i feed on their music. I am not interested in joining any hate or polical groups or agendas. I do not give a Fuck about your diseased pain...I am outside of these concepts...It's just about the music. I am my own disaster...i have my own thoughts, ideas and concepts of reality...my tastes are very eclectic at times...UNHOLY BLACK METAL.BLACK THRASH.DOOM.SLUDGE CORE.DEATH METAL.PAGAN BLACK METAL.GRINDCORE.OLD SCHOOL BLACK GOAT DEATH METAL.HARDCORE.THRASH.HARDCORE PUNK.STONER METAL.PSYCHEDELIC.INDUSTRIAL

Movies:

Horror...SciFi...Independent Films... i think my favorite movie is: Master of Flying Guillotine, other favorites are: The Horror of Frankenstein, The Shadow of the Vampire, Dracula II: The Acension, House of a 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, PI, Altered States, Interview with a Vampire, Nosferatu(1979), Artifitial Intelligence, Jacob's Ladder, Communion, From Dusk till Dawn, Pieces, Apocalypse Now, Donnie Darko, Frankenstein Unbound, The Sixth Sense, Satan's Little Helper, Blade Runner, Mission to Mars, Unhinged, The Howling, Requiem for a Dream, What Dreams May Come, Snow White: A Tale of Terror, Angel Heart, Excalibur, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Fear of the Dark, The Fifth Element, Spawn, Ju-On, Bell the Book and the Candle, Web of the Spider and Sin City....Night of the Demons

Add to My Profile | More Videos*Experience the art of BLACKNESS~

Television:

television is programming us...I HATE TELEVISION.TV I liked...LEXX, Millennium, Black Scorpion, First Wave and Farscape*Experience the art of BLACKNESS~

Books:

I have volumes of books that I have written, in the SICKness. I stopped reading books...ruined by reading...have many preferences...some favorite authors: Whitley Strieber, Brad Stieger, Grahamn Hancock, Edgar Allen Poe, The Dali Lama, Elizabeth Wurtzel, Sylva Frazier, Lawrence Gardner, Thomas L. Thompson, and many more...***I removed Chapters 1-4 of my book, "Difficult Journey - A Memoir of Strange Days" from my blog space. It doesn't belong in this space any longer.["The Soul Machinne"]Deep inside the the monster, hidden and protected by the terrible mental mutant barbarian monk, is a lost frightened boy, who is confused by the world, and the people that inhabit it. still looking for a place call home, the lad continues to function through the Monster, the Machine, that he sub-consciously created, in order to survive life. he buried his self so deep very deep inside his machine...for protection, locked away from the world, that he forgot who he was, and where it was, he could find his self. he realized one day, that he had not been present in life for about 26 years. he had been living life, through the other aspects of his alter-ego multi-faceted personality. It was like, he was completely alone...in a vast spaceship, that was programmed to be on...automatic pilot. he was linked to the controls, so he could feel whatever the ship came in contact with, at various times. he preferred to allow the craft to travel, according to his programmed learning. his vessel was enormous and an extensive complex. he felt safe and protected inside the intimidating machine. the machine confronted the Unknown.....while he continued to frantically search for the cure for his madness. he wondered, why was he alone in the machine? and why, was the machine connected to him? years of madness...and familiar dependence, had caused him to forget, that he created, programmed, and given control over to the machine. he lost his memory, of when he exiled himself from civilization and created an interactive vessel to exist inside. fragments of his broken jigsaw puzzle memory, returned to his conscious mind. he then began to recall, the times when he was not inside the machine. he remembered life before the machine...living in the monster, but not the act of creating such an intelligent, instinctive, protective and ever faithful, defense system mechanism. it had now grown stronger than its creator and co-inhabitant. the lost one had abandoned the vessel, several times after building it. he returned to his monster though, because of familiarity and security. because he was vulnerable and his dysfunction was great, his confusion, hurt and sorrow was great...without the monster. he always returned for protection from the world. his mutation begun early, but his transformation accelerated pychologically when he was 12 years old. an event that involved being pressured to fight...he was victorious and won the fight and badley injured his aggressor and instilled fear in those that supported him. no one else stood up after the speedy psycho smack down. older goats from all over sought to fight the boy who fought like a man. but he hid his self away, in fear...avoiding violence...alone. he was once popular...one of the kool kids, accepted. now he was a cowardly loner-Freak agaiN! his popularity only lasted for a time. the world was stealing his happiness again. many other unfortunate and difficult situations were thrust upon him. he became lost...in the wheels of confusion and deep depression came over him and consumed him. many disappointments overwhelmed him and drastic changes were forced upon him by school systems, parents, police, then judges. the little mutant went inside his self and the m0nster was born. he then began building........sub-consciously.....an intellectual integrated defense system. he eased his pain with drugs, alcohol and music...and embraced Dark Majick...not just for the hate, but for the Power!, of his new eXpression. BLACKNESS consumed his essence and drove him into madness. it changed him and damaged his soul. the machine was created during this time, a time of despair, the true "self" was dying inside. out of chaos, deparation and his primal instinct to survive......the young man emerged and left the machine. he walked naked through the garden, met God and a new religion. he believed in these new ideals and promises...and so, followed. now he was vulnerable again, but he wanted to believe. he educated himself in the ways of biblical theology, history and psychology, from a religious perspective. he dedicated his life, to helping others and worked excessively...to an extreme. after several years...the disappointments came. the people that led him to God, went astray. secrets were revealed...hypocrisy was exposed...ministries dissolved and people went astray. he observed the situation, with amazement...then chose to... allow the machine, to again... have control again. he and a group of like-minded, disturbed lost sheep radicals...drifted into deception. they distorted the truth in a very disguised, crafty, seductive way and created a religion, that soon became a cult. it was an extreme, radical version of the former. breaking the law, survival training, weapons training, stockpiling assault weapons and ammo, carrying handguns, teaching...training and recruiting others, misusing ministry funds, and changing our ethics...........was some obvious signs, that they had crossed a dangerous line, in collective thinking. a year of cult life...was a year full of strange days, strange people and strange places. he soaked it all up...and mutated further. then one day...he just, left them in the swamp and went back to his mother's house. his mind was confused...he tried joining the military, but his past troubles caused them to reject him, eventhough they found him intelligent. so he returned to drugs, alcohol and chaos for a year, for relief. the beast had become self-educated, street wise and socially able to function, for his own means. he cycled in self-destruction, having lived in several different places.having shared his pain with his brother, he returned to his mother's house, weary and tired. too many strange experiences, strange people, lost dreams, lost loves, misfortunes and disapointments. he met a girl like himself, they fell in love, and made an alliance against the world. their dysfunctions were not evident to them. they created three children and the mutant man tried to create a "normal" life. he forsook religion, focusing on his career, his wife and kids. his wife's dysfunctions soon bloomed into insanity. attempting to cope, he turned his focus into personal obsessions: martial arts, philosophy, world religions, history, weapons, meditation, reading, writing, collecting guns, ammo and equipment, and then violence, drugs, alcohol and UTTER MADNESS. the two parted ways, twelve years after their union. the boy, now a man...lost this self created life, just like the other ones that he created for himself. his inner "true SELF", awoke! in great fear and began to function and interact with the world...with the multible personalities, that he created and programmed into the defense mechanism system of the machine. his behavior was very unpredictable, because his mind was flooded with voices. his mind raced with a lifetime of ideas, concepts, memories and images. the extensive volume of contradictory information, that comprised his education, was now alive and present in his conscious mind. he became a madman. the terrible mental mutant monster was born out madness. the urban barbarian emerged in new horror. he became the embodiment of good and evil, light and darkness, peace and violence, black and white, hard and soft, life and death, and the sun and the moon. he expressed the polarity of our existence of life in this world, without embracing it. he stepped outside his behavior, not accepting responsibility for his actions. his behavior was an act of defiance and rage against the world and God, for a life of confusion and disappointments. the beast launched a reign of terror on the world around him. the violence he inflicted upon his own life was disturbing. he hurt many friends, family and lovers. in his condition, he loved unconditionally, giving freely of himself one moment, and in the next moment, hurting without conscious...selfishly taking whatever he wished, smiling. he did not care anymore and was methodically, slowly killing himself with alcohol and drugs. no one was successful in saving the monster...then he had a vision. a woman came to him...in his Blackest hours and comforted his soul. she showed him a way. she changed him and gave him something to hold on to, while he attempted to return to a path of healing and peace. whether or not she was a real divine entity or just a figment of his sick desperate dying mind, is not relevant. the monster is grateful to her. this is the harsh reality, the dark revelation of the soul machinne...the difficult journey of BLACKNESS, the sum of Legion, for we are many.======================================================= ==== the sandman cometh, the dreamer deciever lay wait...to take the subconscious wasteland and create a masterful immitation of a possible personal reality. all the unprocessed information, unresolved conflicts, displaced emotions, unused ideas, memories of the past and all of your fears, disappointments, hopes and dreams are used as material to construct the nightmare and dream masterpiece! the succubi know me... ~BLACKNESS~================================================= ==========Experience the art of BLACKNESS~*My favorite artists: Brom, H.R. Giger, Clive Barker*

Heroes:

You know who you are. The four that came after me...in greatness.*Experience the art of BLACKNESS~************************************************** ********* *Experience the art of BLACKNESS~