Comic Profiling
By David Attell
About 2 weeks after 9/11, I arrived at Ronald Reagan Airport in D.C., blurry eyed from a night of partying, to take a plane to Sacramento for a week at the "Punchline."
I made my flight, which was very surprising because of traffic and everything being blocked off due to heightened security. I kind of appear Middle Eastern, and with a hangover, I appear Terrorist Middle Eastern.
I asked the stewardess, "How long is the flight?" Then I asked, "Are there any open rows or seats?" Then I took my seat, drank coffee, and ate a banana. No big deal.
I was sitting in the back, and noticed the stewardess kept looking at me. I continued to glance up front to see if there were any more people boarding because once they would close the door, I could move up to the empty rows. This was one morning I was really hoping I would be able to move to an empty row and "pass out."
But we were waiting and waiting. I was thinking, Wow, this is taking a long time! I guess they're waiting for some other people.
Anyway, I decided to move forward, because I didn't see any other people coming on. I moved and sat in an empty row. After all, no one had boarded for about a half an hour.
About 10 minutes later the stewardess said, "They'd like to see you up front." Maybe the airport x-ray found a tumor in my head.
To be Continued…