"Don't ever call me Edgar or I'll have to kill you. Ed is much better. Special Ed is ok. Sex Ed is pushing it.""My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun, but it's her other parts that make her so much fun.""Truth is booty...""Faith without works is a lot easier.""Faith can move mountains. She's a pretty large woman.""Bless the beasts and the children for they shall inherit the picture of an old aunt.""Jesus turned the water into wine and said in Italian, 'Vino puro cazzo duro...'""Always eat your dinner last so you don't spoil your dessert.""If your hand causes you to sin, then you will probably grow hair on it.""If your eye causes you to sin, then you are sinning without depth perception.""To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong struggle with onanism.""And Onan said to God, 'Did you really have to kill me! Why couldn't you have just made me go blind or something normal like everyone else??""And God said to His people, 'Thou shalt not touch thyself inappropriately during funerals on the third Sunday of every month. Look what happened to Ray Charles.""And Jesus said, 'Do not hate your enemies. The best revenge is a life well lived, especially when your success comes at the expense of your enemies.""If the glove doesn't fit, you should probably wait until you get home from Japan before buying your condoms and seeing that hooker in Haiti again.""Take the log out of your eye first before taking the other one out of your ass." ...San Travieso de Bakersfield
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