Robert Martinez profile picture

Robert Martinez

Staying Positive, Optimistic and Living It Up!

About Me

Hey, it's me Robert. How's it going? For those who don't know me, I'm an actor in Los Angeles. And like many actors, I have to work regular jobs, so I got a job working at Myspace at night. I like to think of myself as a Myspace healer ;) ... During the day I work a variety of jobs. I work for a community theater and for a retail store. It all sucks, but it's part of the path to fame and fortune right?
Many of you have asked to see me perform and since I'm on hiatus from comedy, I have finally figured out how to get a set of mine online. It's about 9 minutes long, so it may take a minute or so to load depending on how slow/fast your computer is. You can also go to the following link to see it. Enjoy!
Clips of me in The Sanjaya Choir from Jimmy Kimmel Live!
CHECK ME OUT ON MTV, competing on their new show Yo Momma! My episode already aired, so try and catch it on a rerun. I'm repping Torrance. For the full story, check out my blog.
Also, check out one of my short films I did a year ago, "Gullible Gary Moves In." I get semi-naked in it, so you've been warned...or tempted...
Gullible Gary

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I'm Robert as you may have noticed. The reason I'm beautiful is because I'm mixed with white, Latino, French and some other stuff. Born in Fort Worth, TX now living in Los Angeles. I graduated from NORTH SIDE HS (Fort Worth, TX) in 1999 and then I graduated from STANFORD UNIVERSITY in June 2003 with a BA in Communication. I am a stand-up comedian (though now I could be considered a former stand-up comedian) and actor. For more info on me, visit my website, www.stanfordcomic.com. It has a complete listing of upcoming shows, pictures, etc. Though I've been on hiatus from stand up comedy for a few months to concentrate on acting and making money. But if you're interested in booking me for a gig, hit me up and maybe we can make that happen. To read more of my thoughts and get to know me or for funny stories that are happening to me, read my blogs.
I just moved to LA 2 years ago, so I'm looking for friends. Wanna be my friend? Please?...
It seems like the cool thing is to give shout outs and thanks to people as if they are winning an award so let's see.. unlike most people I've met lately, I'm not in a frat. I'm not in a sororiety either unfortunately (though I've tried). So I don't need to shout out to any Gammas or NAK's or to any of my "beautiful sisters" from Sigmas or Lambas/Lamdas, however you spell it. I will however be starting my own Fratority for guys and girls, which will include me, my homeboys and lots of girls. The name of it is Busta Nuta Nuta. SKEELEO-WOP-BOP-BAM...that's our chant. But back to my shout outs...I'd like to thank my mom for having me, even though she'll never read this and has no idea what Myspace is. I'd like to thank this girl named Regina from high school who gave bomb ass head and really helped me get through the day, haha. And to Rachel who took my virginity. It was the best five minutes of 6th grade. Also, I'd like to send a shout out to ALLLL of my friends out there, all 4 of you.
If you want to know me or talk to me, hit me up on AOL IM: StanfordComic. Don't im me and ask me to tell you a joke. I'm not a joke whore, I don't be giving it out for free to people I don't know. But I will tell you a joke or two after talking or having sex with you, whichever comes first.Don't forget to send me a note and make me feel loved and popular. Getting notes on here boosts my self-confidence, haha. Holla!
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My Interests

Bondage, S&M, Midgets...oh wait, not my porno interests? my bad, i'm so embarrassed now. Um, I like sports, videogames, acting and laughing. Oh...I also read...Maxim and FHM, magazines like that, and occasionally a book. As long as the book has pictures. Lots and lots of pictures...of naked women...jk...ok i'm not kidding...I also am interested in television: watching television, being on television, anything to do with television. One thing I don't like is nature. Being outside sucks. I prefer air conditioning.

I'd like to meet:


I'd like to meet cool people who are rich and always takes their friends on extravagant trips and pays for everything. But if your cool, I guess you'll do (sigh)... ;)
It'd also be nice to meet some more LA people. Maybe some non-entertainers to balance my life out. I like to have get-togethers at my place with friends for drinks, movies, and hanging out. So if you're a fun, laid-back kind of person, you just might meet the criteria!
I'd also like to meet God...or Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba... I'd be happy meeting any of those three...ok, I'm lying... I'd prefer to meet Jessica Biel... I mean come on! Have you seen that ass lately?
I was really bored one day and made a slide show of all the girls that I am determined to date once I make it. It's just a matter of time before all these girls have at least one disappointing night of sex with me!

Music:

Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, 98 Degrees...oh wait, we're still not talking about my porno collection? Fine! I like hip hop and r&b. But that's not very original. So I like my hip hop and r&b with chocolate sauce...though my CD player isn't very fond of this combination.

Movies:

I love the upcoming horror flick that I’ll be in, "Little *ucker: The Last True Party Animal." I like all movies except for the ones I auditioned for and didn’t get. I hate those movies and hope they bomb. I like movies like The Notebook that make you cry and feel all sappy because then I can point and laugh at you and call you a crybaby as the security guard escorts me out of the theater.

Television:

I like all the tv shows that play any commercial that I’m in. Because that means I’m getting paid! CHA-CHING! I love these two shows called "Live in Hollywood" and "Latino Laugh Festival: The Show" because I was on these two shows. You may have seen them if you enjoy watching channels like the WB or SiTV at 1AM Sunday mornings (sigh)...stop laughing at me...:(
And I guess I have to say I kind of like Yo Momma on MTV, sort of, even though they made me look bad. It still gave me national exposure.
Also I LOVE ER!!!! It’s the BEST show EVER! And I’m not saying that because costarred in one of the episodes this past season... Episode 5 "Ames v. Kovac" in case your interested...And, and... I love the Jimmy Kimmel Live! show since I was on it and America’s Most Wanted...if they ever air my freakin episode!

Books:

Huh? Books? Are you serious? I enjoy books on tape and cookbooks. Actually I love James Patterson and Stephen King. No, seriously, I LOVE James Patterson and Stephen King, they are so sexy. Haha, jk. But why do people care what books people like? I'm not trying to start a book club with anyone.

Heroes:

My heroes are celebrities who break the law and do what they want, when they want. I'm huge fans of any anorexic/bulemic celebs like Lindsey Lohan and the Olsen Twins. I also like celebs who do lots of drugs and ruin their careers because of it, like 90% of the people you watch on VH1 shows like Surreal Life and "Celebrity" Fit Club. I'm also a huge fan of actors who have made it even though they aren't very talented. Wilmer Valderrama comes to mind. He's famous even though he's an ass who's not funny and has a gay lisp. Now that's living the American Dream.
Everyone on myspace is my hero too. Especially the people with thousands of friends. I want to be a myspace whore too someday. Right now I'm just a myspace undercover freak. In a year I may make it to myspace slut.

My Blog

May 20: I’m 18 years old...really...

Yo yo,How's it going?  I have a treat for you guys tomorrow hopefully.  I'll be posting my first coblog.  It's discussing what guys want in a woman and in a relationship from my point o...
Posted by Robert Martinez on Tue, 20 May 2008 07:14:00 PST

May 19: My Mancrush

Hey there,I feel like crap!  Is it possible to still be hungover from Saturday night?  This past week I got sick and took Thursday off to get better.  My nose was stuffed up and I could...
Posted by Robert Martinez on Mon, 19 May 2008 07:16:00 PST

May 15: Another Dr. Bobert Letter

Dear Dr. Bobert, I started going out like daily starting the beginning of April... Trying to get things out of my system before I got married... Well my friend Monica was turning a year older......
Posted by Robert Martinez on Thu, 15 May 2008 06:56:00 PST

May 14: Numb Mouth

Howdy Ho's!Yesterday I went back to the dentist.  This time they did a "deep cleaning."  I have had a deep cleaning before, but it didn't involve anything special.  This dentist had oth...
Posted by Robert Martinez on Wed, 14 May 2008 07:13:00 PST

May 13: Republican Dentist

Heyyyy,I think I'm starting to get sick.  I woke up yesterday with a sore throat and it's not getting any better.  I've been pounding multivitamins, zinc and vitamin C as if it were steroids...
Posted by Robert Martinez on Tue, 13 May 2008 07:09:00 PST

May 9: My Mouth is on FIRE!

Yo yo y'all!I just had a horrible experience.  I ate some Fiery Habanero Doritos.  What the hell!  These are the chips of the devil!  How can they sell these chips?  Why would...
Posted by Robert Martinez on Fri, 09 May 2008 07:10:00 PST

May 8: Can EX’s just be FRIENDS?

Dr. Bobert,I recently made a HUGE mistake and called up my ex with the extremee reasoning of trying to have a friendship. I thought I was extremely clear in saying I was purely looking for friends...
Posted by Robert Martinez on Thu, 08 May 2008 07:06:00 PST

May 6: I need to Gay It Up today for NBC

Happy Seis De Mayo everyone!  Woooo!I forgot that it was Cinco De Mayo yesterday.  My brain didn't translate the calendar for me, so silly me went about the day as if it was just May 5th, no...
Posted by Robert Martinez on Tue, 06 May 2008 07:08:00 PST

May 5: I’m going to be the next Jarod

Heyyyy,Well I had a nice 3 day break from the internet.  I know some of you were wondering why no comments had been approved all weekend on my last blog and that's because, well, I wasn't online....
Posted by Robert Martinez on Mon, 05 May 2008 07:13:00 PST

May 1: Talk to me people! Furry sex anyone?

Hi there...uhh...how's it going?I'll be honest.  I don't really know what to talk about today.  I'm having writer's block....(awkward silence)... so um... how are you guys doing?  haha....
Posted by Robert Martinez on Thu, 01 May 2008 07:15:00 PST