BARALDO - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I am man(I was a boy). I am a Scot(Jock). I am a weather vane(definite direction). McLaren is my name(I wear my tartan). The prince o' Leith(Ready to go). I am technically disabled(in the eyes of no-one). I am Baraldo, no. 6, centre-midfield(destroy to create). I am staunchly heterosexual(Understand and equalise). I have voluntary tourette's syndrome(Do or don't Fuck-off). My head is in the mountains(My feet are urban). I am a wolf, I destroy sheep(as best I can). My fingers are magnets(for the Schrapnel sack). I am uncle chop-chop-chop(no nocturnal obligation). I am the shield(It can hurt). My legs are my vehicle(My feet get in pain). I bossed the ginger prince('cause he bosses his world). I am a victim of gravity who fell up the stairs(better view). This is war and I'll lead the charge(swarm, surge, destroy). Leith warden(easy job). I am from a peaceful planet(anger-management). Love, care and attention (never forget to mention). Green fingered tree planter and seed sower(patience). Fight to win to settle down(momentum). Original sauna boy(ex-swimmer). Potential orgasm inducer(relax). Tory taunter.(BIKE CLUB saunter). Raw Prawner.(Harsh social experimenter). Amateur pool shark(dodgy wrist). Initiater of human malfunction(reep the sewn). Reluctant movie-star of the future.(One to one peace giver). Thinker. Film-maker. Tennis enthuisiast. Artist. Seashore time spender. Writer. Frightener. Fear of cameras, but smash the flash and gie's the cash. Lover. Pub glugger. Collector. Bumbler. Songwriter. Part-time pyromaniac. Edina Historian. Human Magpie. Zoologist. Fishkeeper. Ramgoat. Bridge burner. T-shirt printer. Bridge builder. Posterer. Landlord. Student of the little things. Riot enducer. Voyeur of conflict. Friend of the warmonger. vampire victim. entity. Foot product inventor. Water Garden Visionary. Ornithologist. On my signal, unleash HELL. Hold the Line. Stress ye not and ye'll be fine. Live as the seasons live. I am bored. I am crime. beware of human osmosis. top o' the props. Lay low when things are slow(Elvis in Black Leathers) ABOVE ALL OF THAT SHIT, I LOVE MY MUM.XXXXXXXX

My Interests

Football violence. Football. violence. silence. wind. rain. snow. vagina. female breasts. Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. Ned Kelly. the idiotic nature of public signs. Scotland. The Zips. Iberia. The Wee Team. Alcohol. Maps. Exotic freshwater tropical fishkeeping. Daydreaming. Sleeping in the sun. White cotton bedding. Regenerating the Great Caledonian pine forest. Water gardens. Mongoes. Donald Rumsfeld's poetry. Warfare. Scottish Football. Mnemonika. Paul McCarthy. Football fashion. The Nazis. Tennis fashion. Antlers. YLT. YOU CAN NOT TALK ABOUT BIKE CLUB. Sauna Boys. The Braes O' Balquidder. Caledonian Fauna. Gloves. ICF. Pistachio. Hoods. Leith. Fife. Cairngorms. malfunction. Haggis. Tin flutes. The World Cup. The Isle Of Skye. Sir Spencer (Miami Melange) Smith. Keith Farquhar (Hurricane Farter). Siamese fighting fish. Leith Army Stores. Yellow cards for, "you know Nuthin' sweets". Red cards for Orniscum. The Inverleith Heron. Paul Nesbitt's homosexual Mallards. Moisturisers. Ejaculating Semen. St. Kilda. Iona. Knickers. Edinburgh Castle. The malfunctioning demise of the Glasgow Art scene. The Rise and rise of Leith. Switzerland. Well timed backhands. Clitoris. Caledonian Bonsai. Kamikazes. Brunette tramps. People who do not squack like birds when they get their feathers ruffled. jumping spiders. decent pubs. FC ST. PAULI. the rise of and rise of Andy Murray. TOM WEIR. Nodding at plastic lizard's who have the audacity to come the raw prawn with us who actually run the division ie. clocking patiently. Modern sociology. Sexual politics. Racial tensions. Religous iconography. Scottish mountain summits. Genital glue. Animal behaviour. The view north. Mossmorens. "Dive!". Seafood. Beneath the Waves of the Big Blue. Ursa Major and Polaris. Aurora Borealis. World War II. Scottish Regiments. The One O'Clock Gun. Seafood. Shoes. Grapes. Gropes. Marbles. He-man concepts. Fife Turkey Farming. Hollow Mountains. Invisible Signals. British Accents. Masks. CuBan ciGars. Flaws of society. Maps. Foot producTs. Fireworks. 80's Grange Hill. sauGhTon prison. GAUNTAMANO BAY. figurines. ping-pong. bird cages. Tennis. Falconry. Banjo. The Cairngorms. Braemar (past, present and future). Female triangles. Russian military hats. schleich. Fine Malts. California.

I'd like to meet:

My ancestors. Eric Cantona. Mark Brandon' Chopper' Read. Jade Lezar (although I got ma cheapies when ah saw you at the Douglas Gordon opening at the Botanics. Reese Witherspoon(divorced). Arnold Schwarzenegger. Robert Carlisle. Paz Vega. Salma Hayek. Roy Keane. Diego Armando Maradona. Carles Puyol(again). Will Oldham. Mark Leckey(again). Christopher Lee. Hamish Brown. Sir David Attenborough(again). Harry Dean Stanton. The shitty wee laddie. Christopher Morris. Chris Marker. Steven Pressley (An unmet family friend(cheers mein vater)). Michael Marra. Scarlett Johanssen. Nae Scallies. Bill Murray. Stephen Hawking. Kris Akabusi. Steve Mason(again). Duncan Ferguson. Henrik Larsson. Joey Deacon. Andy Murray. Andy Murray's maw (again). Mani (again). Richard Fearless (again). Bjorn Borg. Ivana Djokovic(again). Laura Imbruglia. Kofi Annan. Gavin Simpson - President of Scotland(again). William Shatner. Robin Hardy(again). Nae cunt in Stockbridge. Anyone in Leith. Paul Nesbitt being understandable(again). Zinedine Zidane. Henry J. Noltie(again). Paddy Considine. John Schrapnel. Roger Federer. The ZIPS(again). Clint Eastwood. Bjork. Chopper Harris. Harris tweed weaver. TOM WEIR. Angus Calder(again). Nova(Bonita)Donegan. Prince William Windsor. Eric Bana. Steve Buscemi. Helena Christiensen. Vultan. Princess Aura. Not the bore-worms. Justyna in Argentina. Adam Watson. Steve Mykeatin(again). Rodney RELAX(again). Norman Niven(again). Alan Pardew. Gripper Stebson. Zammo. the judGe(aGain). Sir Spencer Smith(again). Christ of Ayr. Margarita Blue. Zbigniew Boniek.

Music:

is a skilled cacophany of noise, manipulating resonances of object to object contacts, and in more recent times electricity has boosted these noises. Even more recently electronic noises have come to the fold making artificial noises and speeding up this planet to it's sad, plastic doom. Beat BORE Beaten, LOST.Arctic Monkeys. Robert Burns. Plastikman. The Wicker Man. Can't even be bothered. William Douglas and the Wheel. The Zips. Jack too Jack. Happy Mondays. Spectrum. Spacemen 3. Randan Discotheque. Oran Wishart. The Male Nurse. The Strokes. Voice like Bones. Bonnie Prince Billy. Talking Heads. The Beta Band. Death in Vegas. Queen. Terra Surfa. Cymbol. The Stone Roses. Echo and the Bunnymen. The Aliens. Fine Young Cannibals. Tele:funken. King Biscuit Time. Madness. Elefantasque. A-Ha. Paladan. Matt Monro. Transglobal Orchestra. Albannach. Sound Control. Randan DiscoTeque. DER CAIZER WILLIAMS. SEX PisTOLS. ADAM ANT. CHAS N' DAVE. Frank Sinatra. Bruce (The Boss) Springsteen. Natty Dread. Frankie Laine. Bert Jansch. Dire Straits. (The Boss). I fouGhT The law The law won. Banjo Patterson. Ludwig Van Beethoven. Fredryk Chopin.

Movies:

Excellent to painful. I can recommend 'Chopper' and advise against 'Three cocks all the gay'.what about THE FUCKING WICKER MANSans Soleil. Mad Max. The Proposition. One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. The Royal Tenenbaums. The Shining. The Castle. Dead Man's Shoes. True Stories. My Life as a dog. Walk the Line. Raising Arizona. Hooligan. Jamon Jamon. Sleeper. Iberia Lost. The Right Stuff. Predator. Total Recall. Commando. Blazing Saddles. Election. Finding Nemo. Jacob's Ladder. Fearless. The Outlaw Josey Wales. Flash Gordon. Baraka. The Fly. Paris, Texas. Dune. R Point. Zidane. 2001. Dr. Strangelove. The Birds. Blade Runner. Robocop. ROY KEANE - THE WAY I SEE IT. Spicer Schmidtzen's filmen. Switchblade Romance. Local Hero. shawshank redempTion. Escape from ALCATRAZ. For your eyes only. That which surrounds us. Nanuk of the North.

Television:

is a scottish invention, yes a SCOTTISH invention.SPACE 1999 - episode 'The Rules of Luton' Last of the Summer Wine - episode 'Barry turns into a Psychopathic Killer - but only part-time' The World at War. Wimbledon. I'm Alan Partridge. The Day Today. David Attenborough. Brasseye. Jam. WEIR'S WAY. Allo' Allo'. Coast. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Grange Hill(80's). Robot Chicken. Father Ted. DEADLIEST CATCH

Books:

The dream of chief Crazy Horse. Chopper. Catch-22. Memoirs of a midget. Kill Kill Faster Faster. Beards, Munros and a dog. Breakfast of Champions. On the Black Hill. One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. The Twits. St. Kilda. The Nazi's - A warning from history. Innocent Abroad. The Balkans. Steppennwolf. The Wasp Factory. A-Z Pigeon Guide. The Log from the sea of Cortez. Homage to Catalonia. Contranatura. Trainspotting. Oh! such foolishness. Drinking with the Enemy. Camp Concentration. Apocalypse. Almost Transparent Blue. Moby Dick. The Wasp Factory. Do Androids dream of sheep? A Scanner Darkly. Wings of Doom. Let's talk about Gardens. The Zoo. KEANE - The Autobiography. The House Harkonnen. The Shining. the ladyBird series. My cat likes to sleep in Boxes. Phillip K. Dick. Hiroshima. Capital of the Mind - How Edinburgh changed the world. PAPILLON. CapiTals of The norTh. Fup. The assasination of Jesse James, by the coward Robert Ford.(Highly recommended)

Heroes:

ROY KEANE. Tom Weir. Andy Murray. Eric Cantona. Ian McLaren. William Saint. Grace Allan. (Heroine) Christina Saint. (Heroine) Robert Burns. Ned Kelly. Sir Spencer Smith.(Valium) Peter Winning. (lawyer) Alan Partridge. Chris Marker. Hamish Brown. Carles Puyol. Henrik Larsson. Steven Pressley. Istvan Kozma. Sir David Attenborough. Roger Federer. Reese Witherspoon. Mary Queen of Scots. Quint. Vultan, lord of the hawkmen. Martin Collins (Fish composer). SQUINT EASTWOOD SKIPPY n his FIANCE' Craig giBson. Jesse James. Johny Cash. MAW. Rodney RELAX(again). Rodney RELAX(again). graham DOMKE. P. NESBitt. Steve Mykeatin ORAN WiSHARt. DER CAIZER P1. KEVI P. mattie 33 kids storstein. d.j.johnston. Jack Nicholson. NELSON MANDELA + FOLK IN WHEELCHAIRS. KeiTh Farquhar. Darius(easT). The Mellie Wellie. Arsenal John. Trude McDonald. Bruce Joel RuBin. KinG ZoG. John "All my ex's have Got ROLEXs" Daly John Lydon. Francisco goya. Zhukov. Lenny McLean Nae Cunt
"You're not coming to my party, Tattie!" SIG JANSEN

My Blog

ALbA versus ItALIA

ALbA versus ItALIAtheatre royal, top of Leith Walk 4pm+++++++++++++++++++++++++ saturdayConshider yersel invited, I've been invited
Posted by BARALDO on Thu, 15 Nov 2007 03:45:00 PST

Hebridean Heathens

"Of Human Sacrifices offered on these occasions the most unequivocal traces, as we have seen, are those which, about a hundred years ago, still lingered at the Beltane fires in the Highlands of Scotla...
Posted by BARALDO on Tue, 19 Jun 2007 12:06:00 PST

I'm tired of London

London is not so maximum, It subtely honks ae' rusted arse Hip-hopping vacant glazes, I'm afraid they are a farce In amongst the shite, there must pockets of gold, They've aw been goin' there longer &...
Posted by BARALDO on Tue, 19 Jun 2007 04:35:00 PST

Baweegien Rhapsody

Is this the real life?Or is it the methodone?Stuck in the Gorbals,Two bob fur the telephone?Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine... like meeeee...Um just a Weeji, Gie us yer Sunny D,Cos I'll chib yer p...
Posted by BARALDO on Tue, 19 Jun 2007 04:20:00 PST

The Raggit Wee Laddie and the Snowman

Day OneSunny Day and the traffic's bustlin'. Definitely a day for the Ray Bans and the Aqua marine and florida Pink Bermudas, Two Pound Twenty in the back tail, phone's gonna die(In Progress)...
Posted by BARALDO on Sat, 02 Jun 2007 08:18:00 PST

watch oot

Some will come and some will fall some will fly and some will crawl some will fail where others suceed don't sit behind to watch the lead keep the heid or your deid...
Posted by BARALDO on Sat, 24 Feb 2007 02:01:00 PST

The sad-eyed girl of the lowlands

The purplisation of the kilt and the plasticisation of the highland hilt, she feels it in her eyes, the sad-eyed girl of the lowlands.The way they stare, unemotionally, as if she were pixellated, to b...
Posted by BARALDO on Wed, 25 Oct 2006 02:22:00 PST

Bad Laddie

LIKE HELL I WILLHELL WILL LIKE II WILL LIKE HELLWILL I LIKE HELLHELL WILL I LIKEHELL WILL LIKE I
Posted by BARALDO on Thu, 09 Nov 2006 06:14:00 PST

Avoiding tourists in Princes Street.

I found a forlorn, decrepit sign in a puddle the other day. It was at the Ross bandstand. You know what I am talking about. It was faded, jaded. Out of dated. They are schotte country dancing I found ...
Posted by BARALDO on Wed, 25 Oct 2006 01:58:00 PST

THE WEE TEAM AND THE TUT-TUT BRIGADE

.+. terrorem affaerro .+. nemo me impune lacessit .+. timere nescius.+. .+. belloque ferrox .+. horror ubique .+. concussae cadent urbes .+. pax edina .+. - ...
Posted by BARALDO on Sun, 23 Jul 2006 06:31:00 PST