Yo, you all know me. I been keeping people from squeezin my Charmin, old school. But ladies, I've got a mega roll you can squeeze all night long, you know what I'm sayin?
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Toilet paper, women's bathroom habits, keeping people from squeezin my shit, opening a can of whoop ass on anyone who gets caught squeezin without my permission.I REALLY HATE MY COMPETITION!
Quilted Northern? They can kiss my squuezably soft ass.
Cottonelle has a puppy in their ads? Puppies shit all over everything. And when have you ever seen a dog wipe, unless he's dragging his ass on your carpet?
I really don't like this guy. I know he sells papertowels, and not toilet paper, but he only uses paper towels because he's cleaning spunk out of his ass. Yeah, I'm dragging the Brawny man out of the closet. He's a flaming fag!
Hot women who need help wiping their asses, and who can't help themselves from wanting to squeeze what I'm packing.
My commercials, you know you've missed seeing me, bitches.
I can read anything in the bathroom, since my paper is so soft, I can relax and let everythig flow.
Myself, for stopping all tha squeezin that used to take place. If it weren't for me, you'd be getting felt up at the supermarket all the time like a ripe melon holmes.