banffbrat

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I'm big on mindless entertainment, among other things. You'll witness this affliction first-hand as you wander towards the bottom of the page and browse through some of my ramblings...

I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

I thought I wanted a career. It turns out I just wanted a pay check.

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Is there another word for synonym?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?

What's the speed of dark?

I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.

All men are animals. Some just make better pets.

Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.

It takes a village to raise an idiot.

What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?

I'm not rude. You're just insignificant.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

And on the eighth day God said, "OK Murphy, you take over."

I'm the girl your mother warned you about.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead.

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, does your reading improve?

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Behind every great man is a great woman... and behind every great woman is some guy staring at her ass!

Endless Love: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there to hear it, is he still wrong?

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it's dimwit resistant.