Meet the Fuckers
Endorsements
"You guys stink! This is the worst shit I've ever heard! What the hell is wrong with you assholes???" - Paula Abdul
"Heh heh... yeah... cool" - Beavis
"Two thumbs up... Cousin Basil's ASS!" - Ebert and Whatshisname
"They could use more artistic integrity, like Whitney Houston or Rod Stewart." - Clive Davis
"It's got a good beat and I can masturbate to it." - Dick Clark
"Great foot-tappin' music!" - Senator Larry Craig
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Hey, are those endorsements real?
A: We couldn't say it on the internets if it wasn't true.
Q: Do you really only know three chords?
A: No, we actually know all seven of 'em. A, B, C, D, E, F and.. uhh...umm... and uh, well, there's another one. We've heard people say there are even more (the so-called "string theory"), but we don't believe it.
Q: Any truth to the rumor that Britney Spears will be helping you guys?
A: Let's hope so. We think we can get some cool effects if we stick a microphone in her skull. We almost caught her. We got her head shaved, but she was all covered in cum and she slipped away like a greased pig! But we screwed her kid sister while we were there.
Q: Wow, you guys are so good! Where did you get all that talent?
A: We drove to some remote crossroads in Mississippi, met up with Dick Clark and sold him the soul of a hitchhiker we picked up on the way.
Q: Is "Gestapo Girl" a song about jerking off to pictures of Laura Bush?
A: Yep. And it doubles as our Christmas song.
Q: Are you guys really assholes?
A: See above.
Q: Why don't you guys audition for American Idol?
A: We tried, but they found the guns. Damn! We'd have pared down the top 24 right quick!
Q: Where are the videos? The poses, the glam shots, the look-at-me celebrity wannabe stuff?
A: Well, we are assholes, but we have our pride.
Q: Got any tee shirts for sale?
A: Nope.
Q: How about Cousin Basil mugs, or souvenier refrigerator magnets?
A: Uh uh.
Cousin Basil on National Television!!!
Creepy Looking Guy: "Hey fellas. So, what are you doing here?"
Dave: "We're here to pork your daughter, mister."
Ed: "Yeah, where'd she go? We ain't got all day!"
Creepy Looking Guy: "How can you say that??? She's only 15!"
George: "So what's your point?"
Frank: "Hey little girl! C'mon out, We brought you some candy!"
Ed: "C'mon. Get her out here before she turns 16!"
Creepy Looking Guy: "I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline, and..."
George: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen buddy, why don't you go out to a movie or something."
Ed: "Hey, what's with the camera crew? We makin' a porno?"
Dave: "You have any other daughters, Chris?"
Ed: "My porn name is Ed Wood."
Creepy Looking Guy: "We'll be back after this word from the Republican Congressional Election Committee..."
Fan Mail
Hello. We would LOVE to add you as a friend, however, there is offensive language on your page. Our station markets to families and one of our slogan's is "safe for the family". Could you delete the cuss words? We would be more than happy to add you then. We just can't take a chance with our loyal listeners.
Terri Cockerham
Online Media Manager
The JOY FM
(We dig being told to stop our cussin' by someone named Cockerham!)
Downloads
You can download our mp3's from the myspace player above. You can get all our songs at www.cousinbasil.com . It's free for non-commercial use.
Hoi Polloi
Curly (on making it in show biz): "If at first you don't succeed, keep on suckin' til you do succeed."
Moe: "Is there anything you won't bet on?"
Larry: "Yeah, a winner."
Boss: "Where are those three loafers?"
Secretary: "They're in there, talking politics. I just heard one of them say, 'Let's have a new deal'."
Curly: "I got sick of the dough, and thought I'd go on the loaf."
Moe: "I oughta beat your brains in and I think I will!"
Moe: "Quiet, numbskulls, I'm broadcasting!"
Curly: "I'm gonna change my socks... what an experience!"
Curly: "Oh, see the deer. Has the deer a little doe?"
Larry: "Yeah, two bucks!"
Moe: "What's that thing for?" (it's a bear trap)
Larry: "Never can tell, we might meet up with a bear."
Moe: "Yeah...meet my bare hand."
Moe: "When Shemp pours on the charm, no dame can resist him!"
Moe: "Every time you think you weaken the nation."
Curly: "Wait a minute. You know I'm temperamental!"
Moe: "Yeah, 95% temper, 5% mental."
Professor: "If you had a dollar, and your father gave you a dollar, how much money would you have?"
Curly: "One dollar."
Professor: "You don't know your arithmetic!"
Curly: "You don't know my father!"
Moe: "I'd knock your brains out if you had any."
Larry: "Hey buddy. Can you tell me where I can find Twenty-two Laredo Street?"
Mexican Man: "No moleste! Es la hora de mi siesta!"
Curly: "What?"
Mexican Man: "Siesta! Siesta!"
Curly: "We don't wanna see Esther, we wanna see Dolores."
Moe: "Hey, what's a good word for scrutiny?"
Shemp: "Scrutiny."
Moe: Does my head look like a steam pipe?"
Shemp: "No, a steam pipe hasn't got ears!"
Larry: "You know fish is great brain food."
Moe: "You know you should fish for a whale."
Moe: "Can you spell cat?"
Curly: "Soitenly! Cat. K-I-T-T-Y. Pussy."
Chick in a broken-down sports car: "I'm in a terrible dilemma."
Moe: "Yeah, I don't care much for these foreign cars either."
Moe: "Eureka!"
Curly: "You don't smell too good yourself."
Larry (after prying Moe's foot from under a car wheel): "How was it? Pretty heavy, huh?"
Shemp: "Can I help it if I ain't Cousin Basil?"
Larry: "I'll have Burnt toast and a rotten egg."
Moe: "Whaddya want that for?"
Larry: "I got a tapeworm and that's good enough for him!"
Curly: "I try to think, but nothing happens."