Cousin Basil profile picture

Cousin Basil

3 Chords, 4 Assholes and a Tape Recorder

About Me

Meet the Fuckers
Endorsements
"You guys stink! This is the worst shit I've ever heard! What the hell is wrong with you assholes???" - Paula Abdul

"Heh heh... yeah... cool" - Beavis

"Two thumbs up... Cousin Basil's ASS!" - Ebert and Whatshisname

"They could use more artistic integrity, like Whitney Houston or Rod Stewart." - Clive Davis

"It's got a good beat and I can masturbate to it." - Dick Clark

"Great foot-tappin' music!" - Senator Larry Craig


Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Hey, are those endorsements real?
A: We couldn't say it on the internets if it wasn't true.

Q: Do you really only know three chords?
A: No, we actually know all seven of 'em. A, B, C, D, E, F and.. uhh...umm... and uh, well, there's another one. We've heard people say there are even more (the so-called "string theory"), but we don't believe it.

Q: Any truth to the rumor that Britney Spears will be helping you guys?
A: Let's hope so. We think we can get some cool effects if we stick a microphone in her skull. We almost caught her. We got her head shaved, but she was all covered in cum and she slipped away like a greased pig! But we screwed her kid sister while we were there.

Q: Wow, you guys are so good! Where did you get all that talent?
A: We drove to some remote crossroads in Mississippi, met up with Dick Clark and sold him the soul of a hitchhiker we picked up on the way.

Q: Is "Gestapo Girl" a song about jerking off to pictures of Laura Bush?
A: Yep. And it doubles as our Christmas song.

Q: Are you guys really assholes?
A: See above.

Q: Why don't you guys audition for American Idol?
A: We tried, but they found the guns. Damn! We'd have pared down the top 24 right quick!

Q: Where are the videos? The poses, the glam shots, the look-at-me celebrity wannabe stuff?
A: Well, we are assholes, but we have our pride.

Q: Got any tee shirts for sale?
A: Nope.

Q: How about Cousin Basil mugs, or souvenier refrigerator magnets?
A: Uh uh.


Cousin Basil on National Television!!!
Creepy Looking Guy: "Hey fellas. So, what are you doing here?"

Dave: "We're here to pork your daughter, mister."

Ed: "Yeah, where'd she go? We ain't got all day!"

Creepy Looking Guy: "How can you say that??? She's only 15!"

George: "So what's your point?"

Frank: "Hey little girl! C'mon out, We brought you some candy!"

Ed: "C'mon. Get her out here before she turns 16!"

Creepy Looking Guy: "I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline, and..."
George: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen buddy, why don't you go out to a movie or something."

Ed: "Hey, what's with the camera crew? We makin' a porno?"

Dave: "You have any other daughters, Chris?"

Ed: "My porn name is Ed Wood."

Creepy Looking Guy: "We'll be back after this word from the Republican Congressional Election Committee..."
Fan Mail
Hello. We would LOVE to add you as a friend, however, there is offensive language on your page. Our station markets to families and one of our slogan's is "safe for the family". Could you delete the cuss words? We would be more than happy to add you then. We just can't take a chance with our loyal listeners.
Terri Cockerham
Online Media Manager
The JOY FM
(We dig being told to stop our cussin' by someone named Cockerham!)


Downloads
You can download our mp3's from the myspace player above. You can get all our songs at www.cousinbasil.com . It's free for non-commercial use.


Hoi Polloi
Curly (on making it in show biz): "If at first you don't succeed, keep on suckin' til you do succeed."

Moe: "Is there anything you won't bet on?"
Larry: "Yeah, a winner."

Boss: "Where are those three loafers?"
Secretary: "They're in there, talking politics. I just heard one of them say, 'Let's have a new deal'."

Curly: "I got sick of the dough, and thought I'd go on the loaf."

Moe: "I oughta beat your brains in and I think I will!"

Moe: "Quiet, numbskulls, I'm broadcasting!"

Curly: "I'm gonna change my socks... what an experience!"

Curly: "Oh, see the deer. Has the deer a little doe?"
Larry: "Yeah, two bucks!"

Moe: "What's that thing for?" (it's a bear trap)
Larry: "Never can tell, we might meet up with a bear."
Moe: "Yeah...meet my bare hand."

Moe: "When Shemp pours on the charm, no dame can resist him!"

Moe: "Every time you think you weaken the nation."

Curly: "Wait a minute. You know I'm temperamental!"
Moe: "Yeah, 95% temper, 5% mental."

Professor: "If you had a dollar, and your father gave you a dollar, how much money would you have?"
Curly: "One dollar."
Professor: "You don't know your arithmetic!"
Curly: "You don't know my father!"

Moe: "I'd knock your brains out if you had any."
Larry: "Hey buddy. Can you tell me where I can find Twenty-two Laredo Street?"
Mexican Man: "No moleste! Es la hora de mi siesta!"
Curly: "What?"
Mexican Man: "Siesta! Siesta!"
Curly: "We don't wanna see Esther, we wanna see Dolores."

Moe: "Hey, what's a good word for scrutiny?"
Shemp: "Scrutiny."

Moe: Does my head look like a steam pipe?"
Shemp: "No, a steam pipe hasn't got ears!"

Larry: "You know fish is great brain food."
Moe: "You know you should fish for a whale."

Moe: "Can you spell cat?"
Curly: "Soitenly! Cat. K-I-T-T-Y. Pussy."

Chick in a broken-down sports car: "I'm in a terrible dilemma."
Moe: "Yeah, I don't care much for these foreign cars either."

Moe: "Eureka!"
Curly: "You don't smell too good yourself."

Larry (after prying Moe's foot from under a car wheel): "How was it? Pretty heavy, huh?"

Shemp: "Can I help it if I ain't Cousin Basil?"

Larry: "I'll have Burnt toast and a rotten egg."
Moe: "Whaddya want that for?"
Larry: "I got a tapeworm and that's good enough for him!"

Curly: "I try to think, but nothing happens."

My Interests

Music:

Member Since: 5/1/2006
Band Website: cousinbasil.com
Band Members: Frank Lucarelli
Ed Obbish
George Hanrahan
Dave McLaughlin
Influences:

Pioneers: Robert Johnson, Woody Guthrie, Willie Dixon, McKinley Morganfield, Hank Williams, Ray Charles, Johnny Cash, Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Buddy Holly, The Killer, Eddie Cochran, B.B. King, Elvis, Larry Fine, Dwayne Eddy, Link Wray, Ritchie Valenzuela, Robert Jr., Johnny Burnette, Rufus Thomas

Old Guys: The Rolling Stones, Spirit, Bob Seger, Van Morrison, CCR, The Left Banke, The Blues Magoos, The Byrds, The Flying Burrito Brothers, Mike Nesmith, The Band, NRBQ, Dave Edmunds, The Move, Taj Mahal, Emmitt Rhodes, The Kinks, The Dave Clark Five, Neil Young, Willie Nelson, Elvis Costello, Warren Zevon, The Beatles, Richard X Heyman, Otis Redding, The Choir, Raspberries, Stories, Beckies, Nick Lowe, The Lovin' Spoonful, Fever Tree, Ronnie Wood's solo stuff, Fleetwood Mac (pre-pussification), Dwight Yoakam, Jimmy LaFave, The Hello People

New Guys: Swingin Neckbreakers, Primal Scream, The Strokes, The Fuzztones, Brian Jonestown Massacre, The Fleshtones, The Vacancies, Alejandro Escovedo, Oasis, Vatican Sex Kittens, Black Crowes, Counting Crows

One hit wonders: Les Sexareenos, The Distant Cousins, The Syndicate of Sound, Music Machine, Richard and the Young Lions, Bobby Lewis

Singers: Sam Cooke, Gram Parsons, Gene Clark, David Ruffin, Steve Martin Caro, Ian Lloyd, Johnny Cash, Eric Burdon, John Lennon

Writers: Brian Wilson, Anton Newcombe, Sam Cooke, John Fogerty, Lennon and McCartney, George Harrison, Gram Parsons and Chris Hillman, Neil Young, Adam Duritz, Nanker Phelge, Dave Smalley, Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, Holland Dozier Holland, Hank, Ray Davies, the Brill Bldg, Michael Brown - Steve Martin - George Cameron - Tom Finn, Bob Gaudio, Bob Crewe, John Phillips, Jay Ferguson, Randy California, and Bob Dylan

Guitarists: Randy California, Link Wray, Glen Schwartz, Mick Taylor, Keith Richards, Wally Bryson, James Burton, Bill Kirchen, Joe Walsh, Steve Love, Buddy Guy, Clarence White, Johnny Winter, George Harrison, Robbie Krieger, Albert King

Misc: Cosmic American Music, Little Steven's Underground Garage, The Three Stooges, Ernie Anderson, Rhino Records, Keith Moon, the Mississippi Delta, Leo Fender, tubes/valves, Daneletros, open tunings, Alan Freed, Dick Clark, the American melting pot, the Layla sessions, the Stax house band, 10-cent beer night at the old Cleveland Stadium, Daddy Wags - Leon Wagner, Shackleton and the Endurance crew, Denny Stuckert, indoor plumbing and Brian Jones.

And: It doesn't sound like it, but The Left Banke has been a huge influence on us since we were kids, one of a handful of bands we are in awe of. If you're not familiar with them and you've got some free time, check out the best band site we've ever seen at www.leftebanke.nu.


Sounds Like:

Huh?
So how did all these great influences come out sounding like this? OK... imagine Keith Richards in a Three Stooges episode... Keith falls out of a palm tree and, one after another, 3 coconuts drop on his head. Moe: "Hey! you allright, kid? Speak a few syllables..." Keith: "yeah, uh.. heh, heh... BABY!" Got it? No? OK how about this... take the Stones, CCR, the Faces, the Burritos and the Wilbury's, extract the talent, replace it with plenty of whiskey and shake well. That's about what we sound like.

Cousin Basil's Boiling Cauldron of Shit
We're planning a recording of the following people being tossed in and boiled alive:
Paris Hilton, anyone from American Idol, Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, Janet Jackson, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Lopez, Jessica Simpson, My Chemical Romance, REO Speedwagon, white rappers and Lindsay Lohan. Oh, and Repubican Senators with wide stances!

It would be like when Michael Jackson made that "We are the World" benefit single and got all those celebrities to sing on it (come to think of it, Michael Jackson... in ya go!!!). We'll lure them in with plenty of cocaine, reporters and paparazzi. When it's over, we'll toss them in too (the reporters and paparazzi, not the cocaine).

What about Mylie Cyrus? She's only like 12 years old or something, so it would be kinda unethical to throw her in. Maybe we'll just throw in her dad for that awful song he did like 20 years ago. Aww fuck it! In they go, both of 'em!

We're still writing the score, but so far we've got: Verse: "AAAAAAAAHHHHH... AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
Chorus: "(glub glub) ghghghghgh... "
Then we'll dub in Peter Noone with "Second verse, same as the first!"
(Copyright 2006 Cousin Basil Enterprises- hey, Mickie Most can't sue us now)

If you want anyone else tossed in, let us know. We aim to please!

And how about Don Henley and Glenn Fry??? They ARE boiling cauldrons of shit!!! How's that gonna work???


Record Label: Ed Wood
Type of Label: Indie

My Blog

Add to Cart

You can't make this shit up.  Sony is pedaling 126 Madonna items on their website including: Confessions Album Photograph - $300.00 Hot Shorts - These pink hot shorts are fab. With white pip...
Posted by Cousin Basil on Thu, 17 Aug 2006 06:15:00 PST

Cousin Basil Interviews Mel Gibson

CB: Thanks for the interview, Mel. Have a Fosters?Mel: Sure. CB: How 'bout a shot to go with it?Mel: Make it a double, mate! CB: So, Mel... are the jews really responsible for all the wars?Mel: O...
Posted by Cousin Basil on Thu, 17 Aug 2006 05:56:00 PST