Tess profile picture

Tess

Perry for President! He's got my vote!

About Me

I am a cat. My hobbies are limited to: watching birds outside the window. Sleeping. Eating. Snacking. Investigating. Hiding. Playing with toy mice. Getting all hopped up on the Nip. Thinking of my favorite Coach, Coach Ted. Living la vida kitty. Sitting in my awesome new tent. Writing blogs. .. shopping. Singing Elvis hits. Napping with Otis Redding on the radio. Tearing up stuff. Being fat. Smacking people. Hissing at puppies. Bed hogging. And Sashaying.

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My Interests

I'm a holiday kinda kitty.I also dig on some.....cat nip. fancy feast. little grey fake mice. brown paper grocery bags, crinkly plastic shopping bags, eating houseplants, slinging litter from my litter box. Lounging in the bathtub (as long as there's no water). Sitting on the furry toilet seat hat, laughing at amber while she's in the tub. I also delight in running at warp speed and throwing my body weight against Amber's closed bedroom door while she's sleeping. Sitting in open windows, hiding under the bed, getting stuck in closets, and of course, My dearest Lucky Duck. I am not ashamed to say, I carry her in my mouth at night, like she's my kitten.I hate being held. or having affection forced onto me.

I'd like to meet:

Other Swingin' Cats. No worries guys, I'm spayed & I'm clean. I go to the vet once a year. Must be ok w/ my abuse of and dependence on Catnip. I like the homegrown organic kind, but if you have some storebought, that's good stuff too. I'm lazy. I'm really into those new fancy feast gourmet meals. those things hit the spot after a hard days' rockin'. Looking for someone who has his own litterbox, and own cat condo and isn't a treat hog. WILL NOT SHARE. I am looking for a Cat who will happily watch a fish tank with me, and under no circumstances lay on my spot on the bed.

Music:

Cat Stevens, Cats the Musical, One of my favorite songs is "Year of the Cat" by Al Stewart. I am a big fan of classic soul. It touches me. Amber calls me Fatsy Cline.

Movies:

The Birdcage, Catwoman, Cats and Dogs, Stewart Little, Cats don't dance, and The Incredible Journey

Television:

I watch Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer every christmas. I really love American Idol.

Books:

Bad Cat Cat Fancy (I read it in the litterbox), The Cat in the Hat, The Cat in the Hat Comes Back, If you give a mouse a cookie, The cat who loves Christmas, The cat who came in from the cold.

Heroes:

Myself India the Whitehouse cat (also a black cat). Garfield (goes w/o saying). Sylvester. Morris. That big fat ass white fancy feast cat. Felix. The cat in the hat. Tom

My Blog

Holidays

I'm trying to turn over a new leaf of sweetness towards Amber. Not only so the fat guy will leave me some cat nip, but mostly because Jonathan is such a punk ass, he's pulling this "look at me, I'm so...
Posted by Tess on Sat, 01 Dec 2007 10:19:00 PST

My Birfday extravaganza

Well, my birfday was ok. I started off the day lounging sprawled out on the bed. Stomach to the sky. In Frozen kitty mode. I moved that party to the living room floor. Amber took my picture. I didn't ...
Posted by Tess on Wed, 31 Oct 2007 12:02:00 PST

Halloween Spook-tacular

I know it's the black cat's holiday. But here is why I don't trust Halloween. I woke up from a much needed nap on the Floofiest Ralph Lauren Pillow on the bed. Trying to sleep off the longest part of ...
Posted by Tess on Wed, 31 Oct 2007 12:10:00 PST

All Da Kitties in Da House say MEOW!

I'm the Sheba spokescat. Or the spokescat is me. I think everyone should go and get themselves a free entree. I did. It better get here on the double. FREE EATS! Click it, order your free grub. It's g...
Posted by Tess on Wed, 19 Sep 2007 07:49:00 PST

I been tagged

  Here are the rules. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their own eight things and post these rules. A...
Posted by Tess on Wed, 05 Sep 2007 10:33:00 PST

Naps and surly thoughts.

Those little rolly balls with bells in them...Well, I don't like them. I dont' like them rolled towards me. I don't like the flashy bits of glitter in them. I think they are completely obnoxious. My f...
Posted by Tess on Mon, 02 Jul 2007 09:19:00 PST

Kirsty Alley, kiss my dingleberry...

And here's why... She's a liar. I heard that she said she weighs 125lbs. I would guess more like 175lbs. But not that weight really matters, because i know I'm fat. But I now weigh 20lbs. Which is sti...
Posted by Tess on Mon, 07 May 2007 10:20:00 PST

Jenny Craig! I'm losin' LBS!

I have been eating only diet food. It tastes like cardboard smells. I don't like it. I want a chicken burrito. But, I got weighed today. Amber held me in her arms, and stepped on her weigh-thing. I ma...
Posted by Tess on Sat, 21 Apr 2007 04:15:00 PST

Passover! Palm Sunday! Good Friday! Seder Plates! Easter Sunday!

I'm here to announce, that some how i did it. Half way into the bag o' Purina One diet food, and I've gained 1/2 an LB. Amber's busy freaking out cuz of the food scare, hearing on the news its better ...
Posted by Tess on Mon, 02 Apr 2007 08:59:00 PST

I'm on a diet. I need revenge Ideas.

I don't think it's fair. I've been eating cardboard nuggets. the bag says O.N.E. on it. I think that's just because you only want to eat One nugget it tastes so bad. No wonder kitties lost weight on t...
Posted by Tess on Thu, 29 Mar 2007 06:31:00 PST