Three men are sitting in the maternity ward of a hospital waiting for the imminent birth of their respective children.One is an Irishman, one English and the other a West Indian. They are all very nervous and pacing the floor - as you do in these situations.All of a sudden the doctor bursts through the double doors saying "Gentlemen you won't believe this but your wives have all had their babies within 5 minutes of each other."The men are beside themselves with happiness and joy. "And", said the doctor, "They have all had little boys."The fathers are ecstatic and congratulate each other over and over."However we do have one slight problem," the doctor said."In all the confusion we may have mixed the babies up getting them to the nursery and would be grateful if you could join us there to try and help & identify them."With that the Irishman raced past the doctor and bolted to the nursery. Once inside he picked up a dark skinned infant with dreadlocks saying, "There's no doubt about it, this boy is mine!"The doctor looked bewildered and said, "Well sir, of all the babies I would have thought that maybe this child could be of West Indian descent.""Maybe", said the Irishman, "but one of the other two is fucking English and I'm not taking the chance!!!
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him. He enquired of God "Where were you?" God breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. Look son, look what I'm after making". Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said "What is it?" God replied "It's another planet, but I'm after putting Life on it. I've named it Earth and there's going to be a balance between everything on it. For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America will be poor, and the narrow bit joining them will be a hot spot. Now look over here I've put a continent of whites in the North and another one of blacks in the South." Then the Archangel said "What's that green dot there?" "Ahhh, that's the Emerald Isle," God said, "that's a very special place. That's going to be the most glorious spot on Earth, beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and exquisite coastline. These people here are going to be great craic (irish word for fun) and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be playwrights and poets, singers and songwriters. And I'm going to give them this black liquid, which they're going to go mad on, and for which people will come from the far corners of the Earth to drink." Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration, then seemingly startled, he said, "Hold on a second, what about BALANCE, you said there was going to be balance..?" God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next door to them!"
Three men are walking down the beach, an Irishman, a Sri Lankan, and an Englishman... The Sri Lankan see a bottle and picks it up..He goes to wipe it off and out pops a Genie..The Genie looks at all 3 men and says "well, there are 3 of you, so I'll give you each one wish".
The Sri Lankan says "well, I am a farmer, and my sons are farmers. So I wish for the land of Sri Lanka to have good farming forever". The Genie says "done".
The Englishman pipes up and says "I want a wall built around England to protect it from it's enemies. Nothing in or out". The Genie says "Done".
The Irishman stands wih pause for a moment and says, "Tell me about this wall around England." The Genie replies "well, It's about 100 feet thick and 300 feet high" The Irishman Replies, "Good! Fill it with water".
AN American tourist in Dublin decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness. After a while, he finds himself in a very high-class area...big, stately residences... no pubs, no shops, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC TOILETS. He really, really has to go, after all those pints of Guinness. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a garda, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know." "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet." "Ah, yes," said the guard, "Just follow me". He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the garda. "Whiz away SIR, anywhere you want." The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the garda "That was really decent of you... is that what you call "Irish Hospitality?""No sir", replied the guarda, "that is what we call the British Embassy."
Play video of Ireland's national anthem - Amhrán na bhFiann (the Soldier's Song)
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