Seinfeld

ELAINE: So basically what you say is 95% of the population is undatable?
JERRY: UNDATABLE!!!
ELAINE: So how are all these people getting together?
JERRY: Alcohol.
She had man hands.
-Jerry
If she can't find me, she can't break up with me.
-George
If you ever dream in 3D. It's like the boogieman is coming right at you.
-Kramer
I'm not a lesbian. I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian.
-Elaine
When she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again. Neurotic, paranoid, totally inadequate, completely insecure. It's a pleasure.
-George
Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint-- it's DELICIOUS! It's very REFRESHING!
-Kramer
Elaine: We went out for dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to his apartment, yada, yada, yada, I never saw him again.
Jerry: But you yada yada-ed over the best part.
Elaine: No, I mentioned the bisque.
Why does Radioshack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries?
-Kramer
Maybe a dingo ate your baby!
-Elaine
You see, Elaine, the key to eating a black and white cookie is that you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.
-Jerry
I'm out there Jerry and I'm lovin' every minute of it!
-Kramer
Kramer: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus.
Jerry: Wow.
George: You're Batman.
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.
Jerry: You kept making all the stops?
Kramer: Well, people kept ringing the bell.
You're eating onions and spotting dimes. I don't know what the heck is going on here!
-Jerry
She thinks I'm a nice guy. Women always think I'm nice. But women don't want nice. Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?
-George
I might not look like a Murphy, but I act like a Murphy.
–Jerry
Hey, how come I didn't get a Christmas card? Everybody else got one. Jerry got one, Kramer got one. I thought we were good friends. I don't get a Christmas card. I don't get it.
–George
George: I think it moved.
Jerry: It moved?
George: It may have moved. I don't know.
Jerry: I'm sure it didn't move.
George: It moved. It was imperceptible but I felt it.
Jerry: Maybe it wanted to change positions. You know, SHIFT to the other side.
George: No, no. No it wasn't a shift, I shifted. This was a move.
I'm talking about my incredibly huge head that sits atop my disproportionately puny body. I'm like a walking candy apple!
-Elaine
And we discover another of your many talents: posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals.
-Jerry
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE?~BEST OF GEORGE~HELLLOOOO~BEST OF KRAMER~GAY?~