Maria von Trapezoid profile picture

Maria von Trapezoid

She could steal, but she could not rob.

About Me

I climb mountains wearing nothing but a barrel for fun. I've met and entertained Martians at my humble abode. I have a habit of chewing on people's faces. I have been simultaneously Shinto, atheist, and Zoroastrian, and I firmly believe our universe is just a marble in some kid's pocket. I write for the New York Times. I have been elected President of the USA twice. I am part Peruvian mountain goat on my mother's side. I can write in Russian with my left hand, and Catalan with my right, all while making the perfect soufflé. I shot John Dillinger while disguised as a snowman. I know who was on the grassy knoll. I assembled a car once using only a stick of chewing gum, a tennis racket, and an inflatable shark. I was the inspiration for Rambo. When viewed through 3-D glasses, I vanish. Lastly--I am Spartacus.

My Interests

music, writing, cooking, rollerskating, dancing, wearing too much crazy makeup, running around in circles, getting drunk, not getting drunk, literature, Italian, French, German, Russian, vodka, cocktails, big stompy boots, Diablo II, pharmacology, astrophysics, mathematics, Cicero, Sartre, Italian literature, fantasy, science fiction

I'd like to meet:

People who don't:
1. Talk about their cats, children, dogs, WoW characters, jobs, or stock investments incessantly.
2. Wear too much perfume, or wear too little deodorant.
3. Think that wearing a full face of makeup to the gym is a great idea. Unless your idea is to get acne and look like your face is melting, don't do it.

People who do:
1. Try something new and interesting at least once a month. This month, I tried Marmite. It was terrible.
2. Enjoy talking. Sullen bastards need not apply, unless they are witty, erudite sullen bastards.
3. Have a passion in life. Preferably more than one.

Music:

Leonard Cohen, the Sex Pistols, the Specials, Madness, the Clash, A3, U2, Johnny Cash, REM, Radiohead, the Violent Femmes, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Ani DiFranco, Michael Jackson circa Bad and Off the Wall, Richard Hell & the Voidoids, T.Rex, the Stranglers, Bauhaus, Covenant, Anti-Nowhere League, Wolfsheim, Wumpscut, Funker Vogt, Fischerspooner, Slayer, Iron Maiden, Beborn Beton, Talking Heads, Sisters of Mercy, The Damned, Dead Kennedys, Flogging Molly, Dropkick Murphys, Split Enz, the Chills, the Smiths, Adam Ant, Alan Parsons Project, Pink Floyd, Laibach, Motorhead

Movies:

Donnie Darko, The Breakfast Club, Moulin Rouge!, Guys and Dolls, Office Space, Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, Gormenghast, Se7en, O Brother Where Art Thou?, The Big Lebowski, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Silence of the Lambs, High Fidelity, Wild Zero, Dead Alive, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Television:

I don't watch TV, but I like Britcoms--Young Ones, Faulty Towers, etc.

Books:

Everything Kurt Vonnegut ever wrote, especially Bluebeard, Slapstick, and Cat's Cradle.
Stranger in a Strange Land, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Heinlein
Everything in the Tolkien universe
The Giver by Lois Lowry
American Gods and The Sandman series by Neil Gaiman
The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
once upon a winter's night a traveler by Italo Calvino
The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy

Heroes:

I don't believe in them.

My Blog

New Post.

So today I have lost ten pounds. Woo. Metric buttload more to go. I'm gonna be skinny again! Not that I was ever skinny, really...but yeah.I haven't really been talking much about what I'm doing, so...
Posted by Maria von Trapezoid on Tue, 27 Mar 2007 06:09:00 PST

I'm a Godmother!

My new goddaughter was born March 9, 2007, at 9:10 PM. Her name is Lily Monomi Feely. She is 5 lbs 14 oz, and she and her mother (Megumi, our roommate) are both fine. We're going tomorrow afternoon...
Posted by Maria von Trapezoid on Sat, 10 Mar 2007 10:04:00 PST

Ten Weird Facts About Me (tagged by MC Jennifer D)

The rules are: Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.Don'...
Posted by Maria von Trapezoid on Sat, 10 Feb 2007 07:31:00 PST

A very short blog concerning blood

Today I gave blood. And then I fainted. Hooray!
Posted by Maria von Trapezoid on Wed, 24 Jan 2007 08:33:00 PST

About me

Okay, so my Myspace bio says little about me beyond the fact that I'm a smartass and know a lot of big words. I've been getting a few friends requests from people I've met (or not met) who know nothin...
Posted by Maria von Trapezoid on Mon, 11 Dec 2006 02:08:00 PST

I am indeed poetry in motion.

Really, the most exciting thing in my life right now is the poetry. Let me explain. I'm taking a class, Advanced Poetry Writing. I haven't taken a poetry class since Summer 2003, although I did take ...
Posted by Maria von Trapezoid on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 08:24:00 PST

Stay away from me! I've got the pox!

Seriously sick. I am about to make a venture into the world Outside to bring back supplies.
Posted by Maria von Trapezoid on Wed, 30 Aug 2006 11:00:00 PST

Guess what I'm doing next Thursday night...

...I will be in Atlanta, at the Tabernacle, seeing Henry Rollins and X. And I will be punked out, funked out, and gother-than-thou, all at once.I'll try to post a review when I get home, but we'll see...
Posted by Maria von Trapezoid on Sat, 19 Aug 2006 11:19:00 PST