Barnyard Masturbator

BARNYARD MASTURBATOR was the brain child of singer Scarlet. She first conceived the idea in 1977, the year Elvis died, although she wasn't actually born until 1980 some 36 months later. The idea lay dormant for 22 years until she had settled in the UK having left the third world behind in 1998 (California) The year was now 2002. The band took a step closer in 2003 when Scarlet met a balding tramp called Andy on a park in Derby. The story goes she enquired if the dosser could play guitar? "No" came the instant reply..."But i can drink like a fucking fish" - He was in and the core of the band was formed. 2003 the band remained an idea but developed when it grew a bass player out of out of date yoghurt & a drummer was found thanks to 'Blue Peter' (BBC1) 2004 and the Barnyard legacy began in earnest with their debut gig @the Derby Punx Picnic & first festival performance at Wasted Fest @Rock City in Nottingham with all the usual suspects. 2005 arrived with some major changes in the band. Cider was now their preferred drink of choice. Armed with a crate or 7 they retired to Derbyshire also with a new drummer to lay some tracks. Yes they now all worked for Midland Mainline Railways! It was the weekend of April 23 that it was decided to record some of these tunes that the band had been playing around the Midlands. (Mainly Derby / Leicester / Grantham & Brum) "UNLEASH THE COCK" was unleashed around June of the same year.It contained 3 of the bands live faves including the acidic "The Scum Between My Toes" - It sounded a jolly enough number but it was actually a tirade of abuse against Ian Huntley (Bastard child killer) Many folk who gyrate at the live version and get down to the cow bell beat may have been oblivious to this or just wankered on cider! At the same time the band parted with Andy who decided to quit having lost the last strand of his hair. Bassist Flek was also out of action following a freak accident with an egg. A new guitarist was dropped off. Steve, the son of the jolly green giant took up the 6 string. Many gigs were undertaken around the UK following the purchase of the unofficial 5th member a rusty lump of tin called 'The Beast' that resembled a transit van. Audiences were wowed as far a field as Manchester!!! 2006 & the band were gaining much popularity. Further gigs were taken with the likes of UK Subs & GBH even requesting their services as support. Many offers came in again from Manchester & Stockport (Thanx you crazy fools!) It is a well known fact that 1 in every 4087 houses in Stockport has a copy of a BYM CD! Respect!! The band also debuted at the 'Rebellion' Festival in Blackpool which was mental. The band were busier than a 10 year old working for NIKE. 2007 arrived with more corners of England being visited as well as frequent soirees to Wales & Scotland. Surely it was only a matter of time before America beckoned? 2007 & the band decides to record a debut album. WINSTON REX respected Punk indie label (Which was unheard of at the time) bank rolled to the band to the tune of a picked egg, packet of plain crisps & bus fare to Birmingham for 3 to nail the mother down. Half of the end product was recorded in Birmingham & the other half in Nottingham as the thick 6-stringer turned up in the wrong 'ham to lay down his guitar licks!! You can't tell which was recorded in a bedroom or studio anyway. The album was rush released and rush recorded to be fair. (Record company pressure) Having bashed out the album in 7 hours...the 13 new tunes & 1 jazz re-working of 'Plastic Surgery' which was given new lyrics to savage TV's!! 'Pete Burns' with was released to a baying public. The album went zinc in just under 3 months!! A mean feat indeed. Tours to promote the album were undertaken with Subhumans & Aussie mates 'Bastard Squad' & included a first trip to the nations capital...London. Many more gigs ensued climaxing in Nottingham. 2008 - It was decided to take it easy, re-group & re-assess. Only 2 gigs to date but something is stirring but that may have just been the sausages i had for tea. The band still have merch available & have a book about 'Masturbating Techniques / Dangerous Places to Masturbate' due Sept 08. Apparently Dave Harris, Rebellion ticket operator has advance ordered 4 of these already?? Like i said it has been quiet until now.............Watch this space.SOMEONE WHO KNOWS - JULY 2008-------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------- "BADGER ORGY FATALITY" - THE DEBUT CD - ONLY £2.60 - 14 TRACKS OF PUNKED UP METAL FEATURING TOP TURNS LIKE "PLASTIC SURGERY NIGHTMARE" / "SCUM BETWEEN MY TOES" & LIVE FAVE "TEAM AMERICA"T-SHIRT - DOUBLE SIDED - "COCK 'N ROLL" - £5.00BADGE SET OF 3 - £1.00 (INC WINSTON REX LABEL DESIGN)GET EM VIA PAYPAL @ [email protected] pay by cheque to same bloke - Steve Argyle @ Winston Records, 166 Hallam Crescent East, Braunstone, Leicester. LE3 1FF. ENGLAND.