..Hi! I'm Matt Woods, you may remember me from such long-established world-renowned beat combos as Gizmo , The Dangerous Aces , Revenge of the Psychotronic Man , Epitaxis
and External Menace . At once a swaggering icon of pop culture, and a trusted friend to the listener, beloved of all from the Pope to tha Pimp, soothing aching minds and bodies with a barrage of sweet, sweet ear-love, I really am the fucking shiznit, and no mistake.
Ish.
This all started when Oz couldn't make a Gizmo gig in Birmingham, because it was his birthday. Unpeturbed, me and Dan went along armed with an electro acoustic guitar, a harmonica and an electro acoustic banjo, a set list cobbled together in minutes, and a fair bit of booze. Neither electric instruments worked.
Surprisingly, it went down quite well, although Dan wasn't really all about the acoustic shizzle so now its just me. I played at the Wasted festival 2006, and was the first act on the whole durn thing, straight after the bingo. I also played the Manchester Punks Picnic 2007 doing three sets, by the end I wanted to die, or drink heavily.
Since then I have ran on stage at various gigs, hijacking performances from actual bands and real people to sing crudely written paeans to wanking, shagging, binge-drinking, and general acts of anti-social twattery, pausing only to insult those that are more successful than me, including to date Jeff 'Cunting' Buckley, Peter 'Short-arse Antipodean Twat' Andre, and various other footballers, politicans, and day time TV hosts.
My first solo effort (fnarr) 'Attack of the Killer Twat' is available from Winston Records , buy it and your willy will get bigger, or if you're a girl your tits will swell to colossal proportions, making you fitter. 2007 has been the year of the Twat so far, as now my masterpiece is complete gigs outside of Manchester beckon, and soon I will be ripping your face off, making some sweet-ass love to it, and eating the gooey stuff that is left once your brain has been liquified by how FUCKING WICKED I am. Across the country.
All offers of cash, booze, hard drugs and soft blowjobs can be referenced to me personally. Any actual booking stuff can too, but for a more accurate response I would swing on by the Winston Records page, talk to a real person.
I would like to take time here to personally thank a great friend of mine for looking out for me, and helping me on my path to mega stardom, so here goes. Thank you Jesus . You truly are the rock that doesn't roll.
Here's me arsing about in the Thirsty Scholar, Manchester:
And here at the Music Box on Halloween. Sideways.
Big ups to Andrea for the videos (Check her shizzle out here)
