Smoky Mountain Skullbusters

Dateline: Tempe, AZ December 7, 2005It seems appropriate that this date in history once again finds itself host to tragedy. The horror of Pearl Harbor in 1941, the terror of the Smoky Mountain Skullbusters in 2005. Despite 23 court injunctions, countless public protests (including the infamous Boggy Creek riots) and a last minute plea from the Governor, it seems America must finally face its demons. For it is on this day that we see the release of Yin Through the Yang Door.But who are these Skullbusters? From where do they crawl? The murky trail starts with bass player and former Appalachian Clog Dancing champion Michael Roberts. Weve all heard the sordid account of his attempted rigging of the 1996 ACDC Nationals. How he hired a vicious gang of hill children to gnaw the toes of his competition as they slept. Who could forget his lack of respect for judicial process as he violently and repeatedly broke wind throughout the televised hearings? Few would have predicted that this disgrace to American culture would reemerge in the public eye, only to spit in it once again.Aiding and abetting Roberts in his sinister quest is a slack-jawed gaggle of cronies from the worst scum holes and refuse bins of Americas most infamous burgs. Guitar playing riff-raff Mr. Underkofler is the human embodiment of the toxic wasteland that has become of Californias once glorious beaches. Lead guitarist Honey Bear Haselow maintains his position by virtue of his fifth grade education, thus making him the only Skullbuster with the ability to read, write, and speak discernable English. Lastly, the drummer known only as Rob, is a sort of biker hobgoblin whose primary contribution to the pack seems to be his ability to mercilessly bludgeon men about the head and neck.So whats next for these miscreants? When will their rampage be over? Most importantly, what in Gods name is that bizarre smell that accompanies them? Perhaps the answers to these questions lie somewhere within Yin Through the Yang Door, a collection of speedy grit-rock anthems destined to spread the dark cloud of the Skullbusters far further than they deserve. May America have the strength to repel their wanton ways.