"THE FACT THAT FERAL FOSTER'S TRUE ORIGINS HAVE BEEN SHROUDED IN SUCH MYSTERY FOR SO LONG IS AN UNFORGIVIBLE CRIME AGAINST THE MUSIC COMMUNITY...AND HUMANITY ITSELF. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!" - FRANK HOIER (comments taken backstage at his recent magnificently catered record release party, which was a wildly successful event at the Jalopy Theater in Brooklyn [June 7, 2008])
"ALL TALES OF GROUND VEAL AND POLKA DOTTED EGGS ASIDE... ACTUAL EVIDENCE OF FERAL'S ORIGINS ARE SCARSE AND THE SUBJECT REQUIRES
INTENSIVE RESEARCH, AND AS USUAL ALL WE GET IS THE SAME OLD RUNAROUND FROM NEW YORK'S INFAMOUSLY BLAND AND HANDICAPPED SINGER-SONGWRITER COMMUNITY...AS MANY WILL TELL YOU THIS IS NO SURPRISE....WE NEED ANSWERS" - ELI SMITH, LAUDED ETHNO-MUSICOLOGIST AND BANJO VIRTUOSO (check out his other research efforts at www.downhomeradioshow.com)And it has come to this....Feral's myspace page was recently re-captured from the hands of petty fanatical folk extremists whose admirable but amateur handling of his bio information has famished the international music community for 3 years now. New shocking footage has been uncovered with the help of a team of dedicated but viciously dogmatic scientists. The first discovery is possibly the most shocking of all, footage of what scientists have undoubtedly identified as Feral Foster's conception! Join us for our first magnificent look at a soon forgotten but earth shaking event...Look!ASTONISHING! So claims that he was conjoined with a shaved lobster at birth may have some base in reality, but one shouldn't be ready to jump to conclusions, as our next juicy treasure will show. This next video we received from an anonymous source, which claims to be the first footage of Feral Foster in the larval stage immediately following his birth circa summer 2001! The defining characteristics of a larval lobster humanoid can all be seen here...(note the thick eyebrows and the long healthy coat!) Here the birth sequence is naturally actually and realistically accompanied by a voice not unlike our own human Lata Mangeshkar...the resemblance is uncanny, behold for yourself...BOY! What a healthy pupa stage can do for looks, scaaaaaaaary! This is where scientists get stuck, no evidence of his pupal transformation exists, though it had to have happened at some point. One may look at the period of travel, when Feral crossed the great nation accompanied by the Purple Grape Scooter for likely time frame for transformation. No one knows....More Research must be done to complete the proper Feral Foster Anthology (coming soon). We ask you look for any shitty, paper towel rapped, shoddy mix cd of Feral's tracks that were probably sold to you for 5 dollars or any tracks illegally and savagely burned and shared from these rare gems and get lost files back to us. We need your help at the Feral Foster Association a wing of the Roots n Ruckus collective, history doesn't write itself...
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