Dave Bishop

Stand-Up Comedy is a big one, from time to time people ask me about getting into it - please do if you want any information. In the meantime, I pinned these notes to my fridge three and a half years ago. They are still there.The Principles of Comedy Bill Hicks Taught1. If you can be yourself on stage nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.2. The act is something you fall back on if you can't think of anything else to say.3. Only do what you think is funny, never just what you think they will like, even though it's not that funny to you.4. Never ask them is this funny - you tell them this is funny.5. You are not married to any of this shit - if something happens, taking you off on a tangent, NEVER go back and finish a bit, just move on.6. NEVER ask the audience "How You Doing?" People who do that can't think of an opening line. They came to see you to tell them how they're doing, asking that stupid question up front just digs a whole. This is The Most Common Mistake made by performers. I want to leave as soon as they say that.7. Write what entertains you. If you can't be funny be interesting. You haven't lost the crowd. Have something to say and then do it in a funny way.8. I close my eyes and walk out there and that's where I start, Honest.9. Listen to what you are saying, ask yourself, "Why am I saying it and is it Necessary?" (This will filter all your material and cut the unnecessary words, economy of words)10. Play to the top of the intelligence of the room. There aren't any bad crowds, just wrong choices.11. Remember this is the hardest thing there is to do. If you can do this you can do anything.12. I love my cracker roots. Get to know your family, be friends with them

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Created by Bart King

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Dave
Birthday: 18th January
Birthplace: Worksop, Notts (Me, Robin Hood and Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden)
Current Location: Manchester, England
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Brown, but it is rapidly falling out
Height: 6'1"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right handed
Your Heritage: I'm the only part Scottish, Irish, Canadian, Gyspy, French, Scandinavian comedian on the circuit today I think
The Shoes You Wore Today: Rockport boots. You've got me, I'm a scally.
Your Weakness: Short attention span.
Your Fears: I'm afraid of dogs
Your Perfect Pizza: Anything on the pizza menu from Matt & Phreds
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: The Beatles said they were bigger than Jesus. I'd like to think I can become at least as big as Jonah. Although I wouldn't let a whale swallow me for fame.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Leave me alone - I get too many messages at once and it confuses me.
Thoughts First Waking Up: Where am I?
Your Best Physical Feature: Wonky teeth
Your Bedtime: As late as possible
Your Most Missed Memory: My hair
Pepsi or Coke: Lucozade is the KING of fizzy drinks. Red Bull can fuck itself in the arse too.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Burger King burgers, but McDonalds chips
Single or Group Dates: I've only ever done a double date once before. No-one who was on it talks anymore. Doesn't that tell you something.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Cold tea? No thanks!
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: The only "grown up" drinks I drink are booze.
Do you Smoke: As many as I can
Do you Swear: My nickname used to be Dave "60 fucks" Bishop. Not related to my sexual ability - Neil Smith once counted how much I swore in a 10 minute set.
Do you Sing: In the shower.
Do you Shower Daily: Yes, it's normally the only way I can get over what I did the night before.
Have you Been in Love: How would I know?
Do you want to go to College: I've been believe it or not 2:1 Geography. That's come in handy then....
Do you want to get Married: No
Do you belive in yourself: Only when I'm doing REALLY stupid shit
Do you get Motion Sickness: No
Do you think you are Attractive: Sure
Do you get along with your Parents: Mum is a legend, Dad is a cunt.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Only if I'm inside
Do you play an Instrument: I can play guitar and bass, but don't
In the past month have you Smoked: I'm smoking now
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yep
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: I walked through the Arndale, does that count as going?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Raw fish? Fuck that shit. Although that hot shit, Wasabi is brilliant.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yep
In the past month have you been Dumped: Nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Too cold!!!!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:
Ever been Drunk: Nope
Ever been called a Tease: Yep
Ever been Beaten up: Not beaten up, but close enough to know I don't like it
Ever Shoplifted: Yep
How do you want to Die: When I'm sleeping
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A comedian. That or less of a cunt.
What country would you most like to Visit: America
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Anything as long as they are not gammy
Favourite Hair Color: Again anything, but brunettes are awesome
Short or Long Hair: Not too short
Height: Shorter than me
Weight: Lighter than me
Best Clothing Style: Feminine
Number of Drugs I have taken: Too many
Number of CDs I own: Getting less now I've got Bit Torrent
Number of Piercings: 0
Number of Tattoos: 0
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 0

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