I used to think I was a smart guy that was totally original. Now I realize that after society spins you around like a blindfolded 6 year old and tells you to pin the tail on who you are,you end up wherever the pin lands. Then you argue about shit you know nothing about to validate your life so you don't have to admit that you pinned yourself on the ass of the donkey. Why didn't I work in the coal mines of West Virginia and blame my failures on the immagrants? It worked so well for the generations before me.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Jason Lucas
Birthday: you don't care, your not going to buy me a present
Birthplace: the stix of West Virginia
Current Location: the heartless city of Los Angeles
Eye Color: green like money, the Jewish chics dig it
Hair Color: what ever color reflects off my bald head
Height: husky
Right Handed or Left Handed: both, I switch when the other gets tired
Your Heritage: hillbilly and Italian
The Shoes You Wore Today: Nike, then I switched to pumps to try and get a free dinner
Your Weakness: black chics
Your Fears: black chics
Your Perfect Pizza: whatever doesn't make my wife fat
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: find the life I had 10 years ago
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: call me, you typing nerd
Thoughts First Waking Up: I wish my wife would put on a wig, widen her nostrils and pretend to be a black whore named Thea.
Your Best Physical Feature: my boobs
Your Bedtime: about an hour after my wife goes to sleep
Your Most Missed Memory: being single
Pepsi or Coke: neither, they both make my wife fat
MacDonalds or Burger King: see above
Single or Group Dates: single dates, their easier to kill if my wife finds out
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: It would be Lipton, but they don't have a plunge
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla because it's white
Cappuccino or Coffee: they both make me poop
Do you Smoke: No, I prefer my cancer from the colon
Do you Swear: what kind of nerd came up with this fuckin' question
Do you Sing: I have always dreamed of singing with Kenny G's horn in the background, but I'm no Michael Bolton.
Do you Shower Daily: why shower, I'm married whether I stink or not
Have you Been in Love: no, but I hope my wife will be soon.
Do you want to go to College: Sure, as a matter of fact I wish I could just start my whole life over
Do you want to get Married: No, that would piss my wife off and then she'd take half my shit
Do you belive in yourself: Yeah, like that really helps
Do you get Motion Sickness: only when I get off the couch
Do you think you are Attractive: Well, I have a great personality
Are you a Health Freak: Yeah, you should see my abs. Their about 8 inches behind my belly button.
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes, since I never talk to them.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Only when they happen when my wife is telling me about her day.
Do you play an Instrument: Yeah, I'm a rock star. Now who wants to sleep with me because I'm so sensitive.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: I'm trying to think in the past month if I didn't drink alcohol. Maybe the I.V. fell out in my sleep.
In the past month have you Smoked: Only to make my wife ignore me.
In the past month have you been on :
In the past month have you gone on a Date: With my wife, but I didn't get any.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: I went to get a muzzle, but they were out, and duck tape hurts my wifes mustache.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: yes, but only so my wife didn't have any left to eat
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yeah, and so did my tape worm.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yes, It's the entire reason I'm a loser
In the past month have you been Dumped: NO, but I'm praying.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: NO, any more shrinkage and I'll have a vagina.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Are you asking me that because I'm black, I'm calling Jesse and we're going to march. I'm actually white, but I've always wanted to say that
Ever been Drunk: seriously, what fag came up with these questions. I feel like some petafile on kiddie site.
Ever been called a Tease: NO! but I'm waiting
Ever been Beaten up: Not until my wife reads this.
Ever Shoplifted: no, but one time at band camp I stuck a flute in my pussy
How do you want to Die: suffacated by a black hookers uterus
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: now I definately feel like a petafile
What country would you most like to Visit: wherever short, fat, bald, white guys are kings
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: I don't know because she'd be blind in an ideal world
Favourite Hair Color: who doesn't know how to spell favorite
Short or Long Hair: long enough to use as a leash.
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 120 with eighty pounds of ass
Best Clothing Style: on the floor
Number of I have taken:
Number of CDs I own: I'm sure I "own" thousands, and their all legal.
Number of Piercings: I get enough attention on stage
Number of Tattoos: None, I made 1 lifetime committment and I'll never forgive myself
Number of things in my Past I Regret: seriously, I'm filling out a survey for myspace. I have many things in life I regret. Do you think Bill Gates is doing this survey?
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