Posh Puppy of Beverly Hills shut Down in reaction to protest
ELLEN DEGENERIS SNAPPED AT BY DOG!
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Happy Holidays and all that but I've got a real problem with Santa. He's supposed to give stuff to people because they're NICE, not just because they're rich. I mean why does Santa give SO much more stuff to bratty kids in Hollywood mansions and zilcho to kids in Darfur or to dogs at the pound? Santa blows. He's corrupt and I should blow him right back up my chimney with an atomic farty wind. I put the stink wind on Santa and I feel really, really sorry for those poor red nose reindeer that have to drag that fat elitist bastard around.
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Click on my pic to see just how neurotic my Hollywood parents are. It's my blog, where I tell all about what's going on in Hollywood.
Visit me at HollywoodJinky.com!
My life began in a cage in San Pedro, California. Some creepy guy bought me for his stupid wife and she didnt want me. I stayed in their dirty concrete apartment for a couple of months while they smacked me around. Then one night, the guy took me to the pound. They threw me into a cold, wet crate and slammed the gate. It was the most horrible placethey call it a shelter but it was more like a death factory. I knew what was going on there; I saw the dogs getting dragged out of their cages. Theyd get a noose put around their neck and get pulled down the hall, pissing themselves. Then Id never see them again.
I was scheduled to be put down or, as I like to say, murdered. But I got lucky. The night I was supposed to be killed, a really nice lady named Janet took me out of there and drove me to Burbank, where I ended up in Chihuahua Rescue. I dont know how they thought I was a Chihuahua, because Im not, but hey I wasnt going to complain. I was getting two squares and a warm blanket.
That weekend, they brought me and about fifty other dogs to an adoption day at a pet store in Burbank. A lot of oddballs were walking around looking for a cheap dog. Lucky for me, my mom and dad were two of them. I didnt know it then but hes always looking for a cheap way to do something, and my mom refuses to buy a dog on moral grounds and would only adopt.
So anyway, my dad saw me in my cage and called my mom over. Look at this crazy looking little guy! Looks like a fruit bat! They took me out of the cage. I was on my best behavior. They even had a cute blonde Cairn terrier girl named Finley with them. They took me up to their house to see if I could get along with her and the cat they had up there. Right away, I knew I had hit the big time. Their place was amazing. And they were nice to me. It was the first time in my life that anyone had ever been nice to me.
To think that I was on death row in San Pedro and now Ive got a house in the Hollywood Hills with a pool, sports cars, a fat blonde girlfriend ...Im the complete Hollywood dog! Ive got it made. Im a total cliche but Im really happy. The funny thing is, theyre not.
All my mom and dad do is complain. My mom used to be somebody but she doesn't want to remember who that was. She was in movies, on TV, she made records and she was an underwear model. Now, she just lounges around in her underwear for no pay. My Dad is a writer or at least he sleeps at the computer a lot. My mom complains about not making any money and my dad makes plenty of money and complains about spending it. Turns out, theyre typical show biz people. Theyre impossible. And Mom and Dad are just the tip of the iceberg. Their friends are all nuttier than they are.
But that's Hollywood, a lot of neurotic people and lucky dogs.
Here's a charming little movie of my wife, Finley, the "SHIT EATING DEBUTANTE."
Finley has a weird diet. She recycles her food and that must be her beauty secret.
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