Laughing at stupid people. Overthrowing the government. Bad puns. Schaudenfreude.
TREY PARKER AND MATT STONE. I'd like them to MOVE INTO THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR and be my NEW BEST FRIENDS!! In fact, I'd like to MARRY trey and be his BEARD (he writes SHOW TUNES and is obsessed with Brian Boitano and knows way, way too much about bathhouses-- he cannot possible be straight! But, hey, Trey, if you want to prove otherwise, you know where to find me!) Also, AMY SEDARIS & the entire "Strangers w/Candy"/ "Daily Show" set. I feel a particularly close connection with LEWIS BLACK and lately have been having erotic dreams about STEPHEN COLBERT. BILL MAHER should replace his drinking-partner, the insufferable TRANNY-FACED Ann ("Man") Coulter, with MEEEEEEEEE -- although even I cannot possibly be as offensive as s/he. I'd like to go shoe-shopping with DREW BARRYMORE and JANE WEIDLIN, and pill-popping with COURTNEY LOVE and ANNA NICOLE SMITH. I want bass lessons from COLIN MOULDING and KASIM SULTAN. I'd like to have bookclub meetings or creative writing sessions with JANEANNE GARAFALO, ARIANNA HUFFINGTON, MARGARET CHO, and FRANCESCA LIA BLOCK. JOHN WATERS will be my Veep when I run for Chancellor and win; GORE VIDAL will be my advisor. I'd like to take erotic photographs of MIKE MYERS and EDWARD NORTON -- though not at the same time, of course. I would like to be JOHNNY DEPP's housesitter for his awesome Hollywood "Bela Lugosi" house, which is even cooler and more gorgeous than he is. I want OPRAH WINFREY to be my workout partner-- no, wait, maybe not, we'd probably both wind up on the sofa eating pate and brie. Make that Richard Simmons. And I'd love to co-write songs with VICKI PETERSON, whom I do already know but don't see very often. And I need to tell STEPHEN KING how many times his books have cheered me when I was down and how much I love him. And since I saw "Mysterious Skin" I have been obsessed with molesting JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT, my god is he beautiful or what? Oddly, NOT Todd Rundgren -- I love his music more than life itself but I hear he's kind of a dickwad. Oh, and I'd like to meet anyone who is willing to give me HUGE SUMS OF CASH for absolutley nothing! (There are a few old houses I desperately need to rescue ...)
Todd Rundgren, GLADHANDS, The Zombies, King Missile, They Might Be Giants, Bacharach-David. XTC, Go-Gos, Hole/ Courtney Love, Lancelot Link & the Evolution Revolution, Weezer, Eno, Foo Fighters, The Bangles, Marvin Gaye, Kate Bush, Midnight Oil, Buzzcocks, Byrds, Dickies, Del-Fonics, Black Randy & the Metro Squad, Helen Reddy, Agent Orange, Partridge Family, "Pippin", Steely Dan, Kristian Hoffman, Jupiter Affect, Jackson Five, Cyndi Lauper, Cab Calloway, Chicago (early hits), Adam Marsland/ Cockeyed Ghost, Ben Fold Five (esp. self-titled debut), Jason Falkner/ The Grays, Elton John, Rezillos, late B-52's, early Bowie (through "Heroes"), The Who (esp. "Quadraphenia" , "Sellout", & "Scoop"), Hall & Oates, New Radicals, Laura Nyro, Patti Smith, Penetration, Television,The Hollies, Left Banke, Nazz, The 88, Hansen, early Spice Girls, late Nirvana, Elvis Costello, all things Abby Travis, Dionne Warwick, Smokey Robinson, early '60s dance-soul-R&B a la"Hairspray" (the movie, not the musical), Sugarplastic, Carolynne Edwards, Roxy Music, Booker T & the MG's, Arthur J & the Goldcups, Banana Splits, Bananarama, Victor Banana, Meatloaf, Al Stewart, The Tubes, & almost every instrumental from the '60s. And a buncha stuff I pro'lly forgot.
FIGHT CLUB, Hedwig & The Angry Inch, Taxi Driver, SLC Punk!, All That Jazz, Apocalypse Now, Beavis & Butthead Do America, Angel Heart, Mysterious Skin, The Razor's Edge (1946, NOT the lame Bill Murray remake!!!), LOVE & DEATH, Cabaret, The Brave Little Toaster, Turtle Diary (of course!), HAIRSPRAY, But I'm A Cheerleader, Boogie Nights, Safe, Seconds, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE, Annie Hall, Blazing Saddles, Trainspotting, Imitation of Life (1959), Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (especially now that I realize "Z-Man Barzell" is loosely based on Phil Specter!!), The Shining, 2001, Lolita, Auntie Mame, Sweet Charity, Some Came Running, What A Way To Go! (or as I like to call it, "What a Fashion Show!"), Of Human Bondage, The Exterminating Angel, Firestarter, WILD IN THE STREETS, The Party, Love & Death On Long Island, LAST TANGO IN PARIS, Happiness, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, Bagdad Cafe, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, THE FIVE HEARTBEATS, Night of the Iguana, Suddenly Last Summer, Muriel's Wedding, Female Trouble, Desperate Living, Faster Pussycat!Kill!KILL!, Carrie, The Boys Next Door (Penelope Spheeris 1987), 16 Candles, Phantom Of The Paradise, BEDAZZLED (1966), The Fountainhead....
200-lb. Tumor, 160-lb. Tumor, Face-Eating Tumor, the Daily Show, The Colbert Report, South Park, Strangers With Candy, TV Funhouse, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Beavis & Butthead, Kid Notorious, Duckman, King of the Hill, Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp, Reno 911, House Hunters, America's Castles, 3rd Rock from the Sun, Unhappily Ever After, Mind of Mencia, Animal Planet's The Most Extreme, House Hunters, Colin Quinn's Tough Crowd, Strip Mall, The Twilight Zone, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, The Nanny (the old Fran Drescher one, not these new Supernanny ones, and by the way, whatever did happen to Borscht Belt humor? Has it gone the way of the Stegasaurus?), Celebrity Fat Club, Win Ben Stein's Money, Jeopardy!, Married With Children, Daria, the local news when there are dead baby stories, Jerry Springer/ Maury when they have the morbidly obese toddlers or any other real freaks (not just the boring ol' Paternity Tests of the Dentally /Mentally Challenged), and just about anything with a lot of weird mammals/fish/birds /turtles and no humans. (Love those wacky cuttlefish!!)
"Weetzie Bat", "Girl Goddess #9", "Wonderland Avenue", Chuck Pahalnuik (of course), "Psychotic Reactions & Carbeurator Dung", "Geek Love", "Shit Magnet", "A Confederacy of Dunces", "Sheila Levine is Dead and Living In N.Y.", all Jack W. Thomas, "Dude Where's My Country", "Paul R. Williams: Architect", "Skinny Legs & All", "...And I Don't Want To Live This Life", "The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars", Bill Maher's "When You Drive Alone, You Drive with Bin Laden", much Phillip K. Dick, Kurt Vonnegut -- the basis of all my spiritual/ philosophical tenets -- especially "Slapstick" and "Welcome To The Monkeyhouse" and "Hocus Pocus", and a helluvalotta Stephen King!!! I LOVE Stephen King! He's TOTALLY HILARIOUS! I hope he writes enough more to last me 'til I'm 80!
Geroge Carlin, Bill Maher, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Jane Weidlin, Betsey Johnson, Amy Sedaris, Tom Leykis, Jim Hosney (film professor extraordinaire).