Bert Kreischer profile picture

Bert Kreischer

I am the Machine!

About Me

..

I am Bert Kreischer. Party Animal, Comedian, Actor, Host, Hesitant Passenger, Fast Eater, Glutton, PSP addict, Husband, and Dad. I grew up in Tampa, live in LA, & black out once a month for dexterity. My mantra is: "No one respects a lightweight", & I don't believe in rehearsed toasts.

My Interests



Stand up Comedy

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My Blog

I’m Addicted to Intervention on A&E

Yes, I am addicted to A&E's Intervention...I guess I love watching people binge. Watching them spiral lower and lower, it makes me feel not only like I don't have a drinking problem, but that I am one...
Posted by Bert Kreischer on Tue, 27 Nov 2007 03:13:00 PST

KIMBO vs. TYSON

I want it...someone make it happen.
Posted by Bert Kreischer on Mon, 03 Sep 2007 11:22:00 PST

DEAR OWEN,

Dear Owen, Rumors are swirling about your attempted suicide and quite honestly all of that is entirely your buisness and not mine. I simply hope your doing well, and kind of hope that the rumors ...
Posted by Bert Kreischer on Wed, 29 Aug 2007 11:34:00 PST

Is Cameron Diaz really a home wrecking Whore?

That is what the media is saying she is, and they are saying she is fucking a magical hack. Crissssssss Diaz's next act shoudl be to kill himself. Dear Crisssssss, Stop hiring black poeple to wa...
Posted by Bert Kreischer on Tue, 03 Jul 2007 01:13:00 PST

Larry King & Paris Hilton

Holy fucking boring. How about this, no more talking for Paris. Pictures of you and your hot friends in magazine, great. Smiling and waving at camera, I love it. But talking about thoughts and ideas y...
Posted by Bert Kreischer on Thu, 28 Jun 2007 12:01:00 PST

LINDESY LOHAN, the 3 stooges, and the Denali....

Talk about three chumps looking for a payday...I just watched the video/testimony of the dudes who got "car jacked" by the 100 pound actress on TMC.com....what fucking bitches they are. They are what...
Posted by Bert Kreischer on Sun, 29 Jul 2007 11:22:00 PST

TSINGTAO...

It's sunday night and I am sitting by myself (my wife just left for bed so I'm not an alcholic) drinking TSINGTAO...the oldest Chinese beer, first introduced by German settlers in the early 1900's and...
Posted by Bert Kreischer on Mon, 25 Jun 2007 11:15:00 PST

KILLING...

I heard something one time from Joe Rogan and Jim Bruer talking on siruis about Comics addictted to Killing, and how that is the death of good comedy. their theory was that you get caught up in the bi...
Posted by Bert Kreischer on Sat, 07 Apr 2007 11:05:00 PST

Comedy at the Backstab in Culver City...

Last night, thanks to Emily I had easliy one of the better times I have had one stage in a long time. I have to say that originally I thought all the comics would suck and that the night would end ho...
Posted by Bert Kreischer on Tue, 20 Feb 2007 08:55:00 PST

Dem Duke Boyz

Every day it's looking more and more like the 3 boys from Duke are NOT the racist sexual predators the media made them out to be. I knew it was bullshit when the accused said they stuck a broom up her...
Posted by Bert Kreischer on Fri, 19 Jan 2007 03:21:00 PST