BeWhoYouAre

I'd like to meet:

Ex Mormons or people thinking about becoming Ex Mormons. I wish to meet people willing to connect with others in our area for the purpose of providing moral support, fellowship and socialization directed toward sustaining individuals and families who have left, are considering leaving or are questioning the beliefs of LDS Church.

Are you ready for some movies?? Better Getcha Popcorn Ready! These are long!

Meet My Ancestors:
The Mountain Meadows Massacre

Meet My Relatives: Lifting the Veil of Polygamy

Compare the Book of Mormon vs. The Bible

This is just cute! Finally, some honesty! Mormon Betty
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Homosexuality And Mormon Teachings: ex-gay; Young Mormon man tries to overcome his homosexuality.
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A Funny Version of the Book of Mormon Stories The Mormon boys arrive.
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On a More Sickening Note - You Better Take Your Tums! Shocking! Mormon Conspiracy
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Music:

Rich Mullins

Movies:

Dumb and Dumber, The Great Debaters.

Television:

Rent Movies, make popcorn, snuggle on couch.

Books:

Darkroom by Christopher Shubert!
A must read for anyone wanting out of legalism, perfectionism, and works for God.
Healing Spiritual Abuse, by Ken Blue
The Narcissistic Abuser
The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others ARE hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes."
Sometimes the first and second category of leader combine in one person. The most obvious examples are the major cult leaders. In the political realm, a defective ego combined with a messianic complex and access to great power produces a Hitler, a Mussolini or a Stalin.
Like the first type of abusive leader, narcissistic abusers are very complicated. In some ways they are even more dangerous than the insecure abusers, because they appear so virtuous, so committed, so gifted and sold out to God. They are also more dangerous because they are determined not just to protect themselves but to have themselves worshiped. They want more than just a safe place for themselves: they want themselves glorified.
The potential for adult narcissism has roots in our childhoods. Most little boys (and I am told, some little girls) go through a narcissistic stage where they imagine themselves performing heroic feats for those they look up to. I know I did. I can vividly remember rehearsing in my six-year-old mind a dramatic rescue of my family and my first-grade teacher, Miss Trimble, from a burning building. Superman and Tarzan were my models. This is a state that time and reality temper in most people.
But heroic leaders have never outgrown their childhood fantasies. The soul of the true narcissist has managed to withstand the process of maturation. Adult narcissists cling to the dream of one day doing something truly exceptional and unprecedented for adoring fans and for God. They fantasize about writing a bestseller that will change the course of church history, or evangelizing the nation, or establishing the "one true church" or alleviating world hunger, or becoming a commander in God's end-times army. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance. They feel entitled to unlimited success. They believe that they deserve human adulation as well as divine favor.
Narcissistic leaders tend to devalue others in order to maintain their exaggerated sense of self-importance. They become frustrated or annoyed at others' pain if it gets in the way of their own wants. Narcissistic leaders are not just cunning con artists. They really believe they are entitled to public greatness and that the needs of others around them are of no importance.
They are potentially dangerous because they need followers to applaud their vision and virtues and to justify their actions. Their greatest fear in life is being unimportant, nameless and faceless.
The most accessible platform for such a leader, sadly, is the pulpit. His initial session behind the pulpit may be the first time he ever experiences the attention and power he craves. If he is truly gifted and is willing to work hard, he sees the possibility of realizing his dream. When a measure of that dream is realized and the messianic leader finally tastes the power he craves, he wants more of it. It becomes a kind of addiction.
In order to achieve the public support he needs, the leaders often make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves.
Messianic claims to greatness are often crude and straightforward, but sometimes they are more subtle. I recently overhead a Messianic-type leader preaching to his congregation from Hebrews 13:17; "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account." The essence of his message was that the church had to obey him and submit to him; otherwise he would have to give an account. If they did not obey and submit, he explained, God would judge him and send him to hell. I was amazed at the terrible exaggerated sense of self-importance, but stunned that his congregation bought it! They left muttering to one another that now they really must try to become more obedient and submissive.
Once a leader's claims to specialness and importance are established, it becomes very difficult for mere followers to challenge him. In time this leader breaks free of all accountability. This enables him to act as he pleases while exercising control over followers.
But it's not always easy to keep control. People have needs of their own, and sooner or later they feel them and want them met. The messianic leader tries to keep them from acknowledging or expressing their needs by promising them something better in the future. In order to subvert them from living honestly today, he promises them, "Revival is just around the corner," or "The great move of God is just ahead." Keeping followers out of touch with today enables him to continue operating in his own interest.
Another tactic of keeping people out of touch with the present is to foment confusion, punctuated by crisis. Policies may be handed down and programs launched which seem to fit no coherent pattern. Prophecies are given that conflict with the ones uttered last week, but no explanation is offered. The resulting turmoil keeps people from finding out what is really going on. This serves to cover up the fact that almost no productive activity may be occurring and that the little that does happen requires an inordinate amount of effort. Because no one (except those at the top) knows what is happening, gossip is rampant.
Crisis is sometimes needed to further muddy the waters. Enemies--demonic, political or ecclesiastical- -are invented to promote an "us-versus-them" siege mentality. The leader often sounds as if his group is at war with the world. This keeps followers looking outward so that they will have no energy or will to examine their own painful emotions and broken relationships.
A most effective means of control for a messianic leader is to convince his followers that they are on an extraordinary mission with him. If a leader successfully convinces his followers that he is the unique instrument of God, that makes THEM unique by virtue of their support of him. This group may say or imply such things as "We are a special move of God," "We are God's cutting-edge for this generation," or "We are in training for God's end-times army."
Once this attitude is rooted in a group, the combination of pride and fear keeps followers in formation. Everyone wants to feel special, and some get hooked on the exhilaration of being part of an elite. Others fear leaving lest they miss God's will and be accused of deserting his special calling. This leads us to the question of who gets hooked by Messianic leaders and who volunteers for the abuse they inflict.
Who Gets Hooked And WHY
Most of us want heroes. We want someone who understands and is able to cope with a world that is so obviously out of control. We want a father or a big brother to lean on--someone to cosign our lives. If we think we have found him, we will give him incredible power and latitude. We are likely to overlook his mistakes, rationalize his inconsistencies and excuse his sins against us. We may act as if it is a privilege to be used and misused for his noble cause. We would rather be compliant victims than be on our own and part of nothing important. The sacrifice of our individuality is a small price to pay for being part of his special group.
The young and idealistic are especially vulnerable to messiahs. They have lived long enough to know that the world, including their own lives, is a mess, but they have not lived long enough to realize that any solution is complex. The self-designated messiahs give easy, black-and-white answers to problems.
Youth who are conscious of their weakness gravitate to leaders who seem to posses wisdom and strength. They may feel powerless against temptation and sin and want someone to make decisions and prescribe boundaries for them. They want the true New Testament church, where things are done right. The immature want someone to be mature and certain for them.
Young people are also drawn to a cause. It may seem noble to them to submit to extreme religious demands in order to "make a difference." The idea of being one of God's chosen is intoxicating. But escape may be part of the attraction. Submitting to a cause, just like taking drugs or alcohol, is an escape from growing up and establishing a personal identity.
Lack of sophistication is also a hazard for the young and inexperienced. They have not had enough experience with people in general, and leaders in particular, to make good judgments about them. If a leader claims to know the answers and acts sure of himself, young people may believe him. If a messianic leader takes for himself the "seat of Moses" (this is a metaphor for a place of authority and worship the Pharisees used) they may let him have it.
As previously noted, the messianic leader promises something in the future to subvert honest living today. Yet some of his followers' needs finally become so acute that they are forced to make a change. If they conquer their pride in being part of a spiritual elite and rise above the fear of missing God's will, they may still be kept in line by another force. They may reason, "I have already invested so much in this leader and group--I can't abandon my investment. Maybe in time it will really pay off, and it will all be worth it."
Continuing to invest in a loser is common phenomenon. An investor who gets emotionally hooked by a stock may continue buying it even though it is doomed. Someone who has sunk a lot of money into a used car may continue to pay for repairs that cost much more than the car is worth. A wife or a child may cling to a relationship with an alcoholic or a drug addict in hope that one day he will snap out of it. In the same way, some followers continue to support a leader who hurts them; they hope against hope that he will finally deliver.

Heroes:

The Real God

God talks to me! That's how I know . . .

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