mark. profile picture

mark.

slouching in the corner booth

About Me

i am a robot. a robot that was programed to have feelings. however, i was bitten by a zombie. now all i crave is companionship. companionship and brains. it's all very confusing.i am paid to be an idiot. i like to pretend i am a good dancer (specifically usher). i also tell people i can sing, but there is a reason why i'll only do karaoke when i'm drunk. very, very drunk. wanna find out what else i do when i'm very, very drunk? then buy me a drink.

My Interests

crime (both fighting and committing), the three "R's", alcohol, and the number 4.

I'd like to meet:

girls who wear red noses, self centred assholes, princess di and her circle of friends, the critically acclaimed, balance beam walkers, drunkards, terminally ill children, pirates, the cast of dawsons creek, the cast of felicity, the cast of sha-na-na, anyone in a gang, prop comics, serial huggers, the harmlessly insane, hobos and their pets, pool sharks, evangelical preachers, the latest myspace/youtube "celebrity", brewmasters, talking animals, jonathan lerman, and other people who collect broken clocks.

Music:

blossom dearie, prince paul, the fiery furnaces, aquabats, noel coward, the entire spitkicker roster, friendly rich and the lollipop people, cindy lauper, de la soul, joe raposo, atmosphere, the tiger lillies, lenni jabour, wordsworth, wonfu, robbie williams, princess superstar, run with the kittens, del, the rolling stones, pete rock and c.l. smooth, the dresden dolls, tom lehrer, third bass, eartha kitt, classified, usher, the beach boys, common market, shadow puppets, amy winehouse, cole porter.

Movies:

the city of lost children, singin' in the rain, nightmare before christmas, pee-wee's big adventure, clue, breakin', the impostors, adaptation, young frankenstein, zathura, fear and loathing in las vegas, drop dead fred, ferris buller's day off, return to oz, the great muppet caper, some like it hot, being john malcovitch, coming to america, labyrinth, delicatessen, sky high, cabaret, rize, hook, eyes wide shut, and the impressive win streak from pixar/disney. ...i'm expecting great things from walden/disney....

Television:

the honeymooners, good times, wonderfalls, the price is right, the greatest american hero, all things henson, the tick, kim possible (later episodes), recess, filmore, gilligan's island, speaker's corner, the league of gentlemen(if only there was no laugh track...) and, of course, wrestling.

Books:

books are overrated

Heroes:

please send all applications to this myspace account. selected candidates will be notified via email or telephone. thanks.

My Blog

a new broom sweeps clean, but an old broom knows the corners.

Hey old lady, cover your mouth when you cough. I can't tell for sure, but I think you're giving me dirty looks. Your sunglasses are too large for your face. Why do you keep looking at me, old lad...
Posted by mark. on Wed, 28 Feb 2007 10:45:00 PST

cast of characters (in order of appearance)

Richard Thorne: Has an unbearable secret. A secret he has carried since he was 8 years old. A secret he must keep, for it was shown to him by the Devil. Stacy Reardon-Thorne: Richard's wife and the mo...
Posted by mark. on Sun, 18 Feb 2007 07:27:00 PST

hurricanes (prologue)

i write this with my fingers on a keyboard that i reach to through a drunken haze. for those that don't already know, hurricanes is a bar located in the bloor and dovercourt area in toronto. dimly lit...
Posted by mark. on Sat, 09 Dec 2006 11:13:00 PST

check the language

these are the directions on the back of my box of my pillsbury pizza pops. "Using The Microwave -Take frozen pizza snack out of wrapper, toss onto zappable plate. -zap on HIGH POWER. 1 PIZZA SNACK AT ...
Posted by mark. on Thu, 09 Nov 2006 10:12:00 PST

if a picture is worth a thousand words, this blog's value is 11,093. words.

these pics were taken in the distillery district in toronto when it was warm out...i would like to thank sandra bataglini and her father's wine.and the makers of glenfiddich,the makers of smirnoff,the...
Posted by mark. on Sun, 05 Nov 2006 10:18:00 PST

the beginning of the end

generally speaking i hate blogs. who really cares about your ass band, the gay party you went to last night, or whatever the fuck. and if i wanted you to try your material out on me, then i would hang...
Posted by mark. on Fri, 03 Nov 2006 12:12:00 PST