Yuck-Yuck-Yuck-Yuck

Since the day I was born, my shoulders have carried the weight of the fact I never passed through the walls of my mother's vagina. And after the doctor cut the embilical chord that tried to choke me to death, he dipped me in a vat of hot peanut butter in the name of "Almonds", the Cat-God of the Moon.I never quite understood the religion of my parents. But the traditional Almondist food was always delicious.Their coming-of-age ceremony, known as "The Passing of the Yams" actually happens at age 10. It was a special and glorious time for me and the whole family. Basically, I have to prove my man-hood by eating yams until I fart blood. I tapped out at around 200 yams. The ceremony is almost identical to the Jewish "Bar/Bat Mitzvah" of course except for the Yams and the ceremonial bloody farts (or, blarts as my people call them).Had I been born with a butt-chin I would've been put to death 3 days after my birth as a sacrifice to Almonds because it is against my religion to look ridiculous.Other than that, I enjoy complaining about lots of different things to mask my own insecurities. I like ham, cream soda, tickles, bootie shorts, hiccups, wine coolers, music, anything that's unintentionally funny, holidays, getting huge, staying up really late, writing, pretending i'm more confident than I actually am, climbing trees, football, corn, movies, shooting strangers with my marshmallow gun, watching people dance, patio furniture, fun with Macaroni, wishing I lived in a world where a muppet could be my best friend, trying not to cry over the fact i'm not as close to my family as I once was, omelettes, Chai, pretending I know what you're talking about, day dreams, Berger Cookies, cute girls that make me laugh, watermelons, Kung-Fu, trying to draw even though I have no talent in that area, Cotton Candy Ice Cream makes your poop turn green, comparing/contrasting childhood amusement park experiences, jogging, making fun of shitty local bands, people who say "Big-Ups", wishing I had a cooler cell phone, laughing till my face hurts, my cat Precious, pumpkin anything, girls with unnatural hair color, quickly turning my head away from you when you catch me staring as I pass you on the highway, nachos, snowball fights, white people who honestly think they can get Crunk, pizza, Hasidic Reggae, just walking to wherever, holding grudges, the milk that's leftover at the end of a bowl of Frosted Flakes, Salvia, SillyCon. I "like" lots of things but obsess over nothing. Except Combos. And Bubble Tea. And sharks. And girls. And....money.AIM Razorbabyy