Sweetfuries profile picture

Sweetfuries

You can't just stick a tube up someone's ass and hope for the best.

About Me

As an aspiring murderess and destructress, I was raised with a splintered wooden spoon in my mouth. I try be as disgusting and bloody as possible. I worship a giant phallus and frequently sacifice young boys to appease my bloodlust. My motto: Anal sex and oral sex and whips and chains. I like gravity and sperm. My dream is to eat Maggie Gyllenhaal's entire body in a cannibal cassorole over the course of a week. I'm frightened of polkadots. I grew a penis when I was nine. I have since castrated myself and joined the Four P Movement. I have a fragrence line of repulsive smells and I often bathe in septic tanks. I rock back and forth alot.I hate group unity.I'm a compulsive liar. I think Bob Saget is hilarious. I love uncommon enemas. My favorite band is Festering Fetus. "Coathanger Abortion" is their best song. I like bubbles and gas. My favorite animal is the tape worm. My house reeks of misery and plague. I laugh in the face of antibodies. I am currently disease free.
Which serial killer are you most like?
Albert Fish
What's worse than a creepy old dude with problems? Well, you maybe. There's a reason Hannibal Lector was modeled after this guy. I suggest you seek professional help... ASAP!

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My Interests

Schadenfreude, Novelty Gifts, Unresolved Anger, Murder, Citrus Fruit, Burlesque, Box Wine, Old Hollywood, Anything Retro or Vintage, Death, Ancient Rome, Lucky Strike Cigarettes, Lycanfeast, Crime, Swing Dancing, Evil, Bad Jokes, Bats, Dated Slang, Sideshow Freaks, Werewolves, Cannibalism, Rabbits, Pin-Up Girls, Antique Cars, Michael C. Hall, Tacky Wallpaper, Satanic Things, Clive Owen, White Hot Guys, Sadism and Masochism, Hipster/Greaser Stuff, Pain, Potato Patch Fries, Chaos, Zombies, Chewing Honest Scrap, Vampires, Swabs, Basset Hounds, Hounds, Dogs(I love them all), Serial Killers(My favorites are Fritz Haarmann, Ed Gein, Albert Fish and Peter Kurten), Horror, Milkshakes.
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I'd like to meet:

Armin Meiwes, Jamie Gillis and Bill Kurtis.

Music:

Goblin, The Velvet Underground, Nat King Cole, Johnny Cash, The Carrie Nations, The 5.6.7.8's, Sarah Vaughan, Josephine Baker, Cherry Five, The Who, Moxy Fruvous, Andy Williams, Cab Calloway, Hank Williams, Dinah Washington, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Glenn Miller, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Hasil Atkins, Jesus Christ Superstar, Bessie Smith, Chuck Berry, Patsy Cline, Francoise Hardy, The Kinks, Ella Fitzgerald, The Beatles, Bruce Springsteen, Philip Glass, Elvis Presley, Dusty Springfield, Eddie Cochran, The Animals, Electric Six, Dick Dale, Link Wray and his Ray Men, The Dresden Dolls, Duane Eddy, The Ventures, The Doors, Leadbelly, The Chantays, The Andrews Sisters, Robert Johnson, Bo Diddley, Carl Perkins, Buddy Holly, MC5, Gene Vincent, The Spunks, Ray Charles, The Paris Sisters, Joe Tex, The Ronettes, The Tornadoes, The Dixie Cups, Screamin' Jay Hawkins, The Kingsmen, Muddy Waters, Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs, The Ink Spots, The Harvard Krokodiloes, The Wailers, Iggy Pop, The Count Five, Wendy Carlos, Sam Cooke, The Rumblers, Brenda Lee, Ritchie Valens, Marvin Gaye, The Trashmen, Stan Getz, Tennessee Ernie Ford, Otis Redding, The Stooges, David Bowie, The Tremeloes, Lou Reed, The Kingston Trio, The Ghastly Ones, Etta James, John Coltrane, Pennsylvania Six 5000, Laverne Baker, Willie Nelson, Riz Ortolani, The Shirelles, Ministry, The Bran Flakes, Cole Porter, The Strangeloves, Sergio Mendes, The Fuzztones, The Smiths, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Seeds, Brian Eno, The Standells, The Chesterfield Kings, Fantomas, The Cure, The Sex Pistols, Waylon Jennings, Fabio Frizzi, The Jason Martinko Revue, Question Mark and the Mysterians, The Zumbyes, KMFDM, The Cramps, X, Depeche Mode, The Misfits, Morrissey, Black Flag, Ennio Morricone, New Order, The Dead Kennedys, The Damned, Danny Elfman, Yma Sumac, The Ramones, The Plasmatics, The New York Dolls, Bauhaus, T-Rex, Pulp, X-Ray Spex, Richard Cheese, Morcheeba, Portishead, The Gits, Festering Fetus, Girl Groups, Old Gospel, Rockabilly, Surf, Acapella Jazz, Bollywood, and Martini Music, all for very different reasons...

Movies:

. Water-Power, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Cannibal Holocaust, Martin, Night of the Living Dead, Lisa and the Devil, Dawn of the Dead (79), Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead, Supervixens, Ms. 45, This Is Spinal Tap, Black Sunday, Mother's Day, Ichi The Killer, Gone to the Pope, An American Hippie In Israel, Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, Fellini Satyricon, The Spirit of the Beehive, Nekromantik, Nekromantik 2, Schramm, Guinea Pig:Flower of Flesh and Blood, Gone the Way of Flesh, Santa Sangre, Mondo Cane, Mondo Pazzo, Women of the World, Profondo Rosso, Murder-Set-Pieces, Polyester, Satan's Brew, Scarlet Diva, Men Behind the Sun, Dark City, Desparate Living, Fox and His Friends, Return of the Living Dead, Bikini Bloodbath, Gates of Hell, The Seventh Seal, Buio Omega, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Danger:Diabolik!, Love Is Colder Than Death, Two Evil Eyes, Death Wish, The Crazies, An American Werewolf In London, The Beyond, Spider Baby, Hour of the Wolf, Wild Strawberries, Twitch of the Death Nerve, Orgazmo, Infernal Affairs, Meet The Feebles, Andy Warhol's Frankenstein, Persona, Ilsa,She Wolf of the SS, Ilsa,the Wicked Warden, Ilsa,Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks, Amelie, Sweet Savior, The Hills Have Eyes, Through A Glass Darkly, The Toxic Avenger, Female Trouble, Pervert, Head, Equilibrium, The Exorcist, The Wicker Man, The Omen, Astro Zombies, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, Day of the Locust, Solaris (73), Hellraiser, Hellbound:Hellraiser 2, Animal House, Cannibal Apocalypse, The Girl Who Knew Too Much, Trauma, Phenomena, Freaks, Dracula, The Wizard of Oz, Pink Flamingos, Frankenstein, Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter, Muriel's Wedding, Bride of Frankenstein, Battle Royale, Kill Baby! Kill!, What Have You Done To Solange?, Suspiria, Scarlet Diva, Opera, Faust, Zombie, The Godfathers of Mondo, Andy Warhol's Dracula, I Drink Your Blood, Goodbye Uncle Tom, A Fistful of Dollars, Lolita (63), Showgirls, Shivers, Robocop, Addio Zio Tom, The Terminator, Terminator II, Andy Warhol's Frankenstein, The Last Temptation of Christ, Cannibal Ferox, A Dirty Shame, Black Sabbath, The Bird with the Crystal Plumage, Sin City, 300, Children of Men, Inferno, The Silence, The Wolfman, Bent, Rashomon, Tenebre, A Boy and His Dog, Repo Man, Dead Alive, Run Lola Run, Cries and Whispers, The Adventures of Priscilla,Queen of the Desert, Kids In The Hall:Brain Candy, Split, Bad Santa, La Bamba, Last House On The Left, The Church, Pieces, Clue, Blood and Black Lace, Back to the Future Trilogy, The Stendahl Syndrome, Cannibal! The Musical, The Evil Dead Trilogy, The Mummy, Carnival of Souls, Scanners, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Gore Gore Girls, Drop Dead Fred, Psycho, Being There, MST3K: The Movie, Nosferatu, Salo: The 120 Days of Sodom, House On the Edge of the Park, The New York Ripper, Shaun of the Dead, Last House On Dead End Street, The Big Lebowski, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Super Troopers, Demons, They Live, Miller's Crossing, Fargo, The Sentinel, Bloodsucking Freaks, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, Eyes Without a Face, Dogville, Blood and Roses, The Devils, Memento, Mondo Freudo, Mondo Bizarro, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Shockwaves, Lair of the White Worm, Team America, Dr. Stranglove, A Clockwork Orange, Vampyres, It's A Wonderful Life, Blood Feast, Blood Feast 2, The Gospel According to St. Matthew, Two-Thousand Maniacs, Vampyros Lesbos, The Whip and the Body, Lonesome Dove, A Hard Day's Night, Crumb, Slacker, The Warriors, The Bare-Breasted Countess, The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Beware the Holy Whore, Tombs of the Blind Dead, The Thing (82), I Spit On Your Grave, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Sunrise, Breakfast At Tiffany's, Heavenly Creatures, Eve's Bayou, Spasmo, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Tenderness of the Wolves, West Side Story, M, Night of the Hunter, Singin' In The Rain, High Noon, El Topo, Vampyr, Metropolis, Don't Torture A Duckling, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Shock Treatment, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, American Beauty, Road to Perdition, The Goonies, Swingers, Made, Caligula, Titus, Velvet Goldmine, and dozens more!--George Romero- Ingmar Bergman- Dario Argento- Rainer Werner Fassbinder- Jacopetti & Prosperi- Mario Bava- Jess Franco- The Coen Brothers- Gregg Araki- Russ Meyer- John Waters- Akira Kurosawa- Stanley Kubrick- Lucio Fulci- Ruggero Deodato- H.G. Lewis- Alejandro Jodorowsky- Pier Paolo Pasolini- Fredrico Fellini- Lamberto Bava- Umberto Lenzi- Michele Soavi- Ken Russell- Lloyd Kaufman- Jorg Buttgereit- Doris Wishman- Fritz Lang- Ted V. Mikels- Ed Wood- Troma (Too many to name)- Mondo- Hammer- Exploitation- Cannibal- Universal Horror- Euro-Horror- Giallo- Spaghetti Westerns- Grindhouse- Sauerkraut Shock- Spaghetti Shock- Sleaze- Trash.....

Television:

I don't watch much TV anymore,though I do have a long list of shows I enjoy: The Simpsons, MST3K, Dexter, South Park, The Soup (Joel McHale is on my to do list;), Entourage, Strangers With Candy, My Name Is Earl, Robot Chicken, Perfect Hair Forever, Six Feet Under, Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, Dark Shadows, Batman (60's), Kids In the Hall, The Young Ones, American Justice, Cold Case Files, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Get A Life, Benny Hill, Reno 911, The State, Carnivale, Red Green, Pee-Wee's Playhouse, The X-Files, SNL, The Twilight Zone, Late Night With Conan O'Brien, Unsolved Mysteries, Blind Date, Match Game, The Cobert Report, Ren and Stimpy, Liquid TV, Mostly True Stories, Chappelle's Show, Absolutely Fabulous, In Living Color, Hey Vern! It's Ernest, Salute Your Shorts, Mr. Bean, The Monkees, Married with Children, Roseanne, The Outer Limits, V, Star Trek, Beyond Bizarre, Taboo, Friday the 13th, Kolchak: The Night Stalker, Biography, Law and Order, American Gothic, The Munsters, The Addams Family, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Seinfeld, Only Fools and Horses, Jackass, USA's Up All Night, Joe Bob Brigg's Monstervision, Banzai, Great Books, The Unexplained, History's Mysteries, Get Smart, Mysteries of the Bible, The Office

Books:

Helter Skelter, Ambrose Bierce, George Orwell, Edgar Allan Poe, M.R. James, Algernon Blackwood, Franz Kafka, The Brothers Grimm, Kurt Vonnegut, Thomas DeQuincey, Ray Bradbury, Richard Matheson, Marquis de Sade, Harold Schechtor, Mythology, Theology.

Heroes:

These are the people I love in no particular order: George Romero, Bela Lugosi, Dario Argento, Nat King Cole, Gene Kelly, Gualtiero Jacopetti, Franco Prosperi, Russ Meyer, John Waters, Homer Simpson, Johnny Cash, Ilsa, Josephine Baker, Mike Nelson, Lloyd Kaufman, Bob Hope, Bill Kurtis, Elvis Presley, Bruce Campbell, Vincent Price, Mario Bava, Tura Satana, Haji, Asia Argento, Cary Grant, Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Elvira, Marlene Dietrich, Rita Hayworth, Tom Savini, R.W. Fassbinder, Anton LaVey, Vampira, George Orwell, Audrey Hepburn, Ingmar Bergman, Max von Sydow, Anthony Perkins, Lina Romay, Lucio Fulci, Trey Parker, Boris Karloff, Giovanni Lombardo Radice, David Hess, Ambrose Bierce, Sid Haig, Ken Foree, Mink Stole, Johnny Eck, The Lon Chaneys, Divine, Jorg Buttgereit, Keith David, Pam Grier, Brandon Lowry, Steele Filopek, Jim Collins, Winston Manyoka, etc...

My Blog

Nine Lunatics and One Sick Girl.

I've finally recovered from Cinema Wasteland. Seriously, twas the most kick ass weekend ever! The most debauched, depraved, and utterly hilarious time. I'm proud to say that we were the most obnoxious...
Posted by Sweetfuries on Tue, 10 Apr 2007 08:31:00 PST

Ron Jeremy is my real father?!?

2006 has been a strange and thrilling year. Here is my list of accomplishments: * Became a B-Movie starlet and scream queen. *Met and became fast friends with Lloyd Kaufman. * I am now an official Tro...
Posted by Sweetfuries on Mon, 25 Dec 2006 08:54:00 PST

Wrath of Con!

This past weekend was AMAZING!  Horror cons are like heroin; I can't wait for my next fix. Only a few more weeks til Cinema Wasteland!!!
Posted by Sweetfuries on Mon, 18 Sep 2006 02:03:00 PST

Surprise, Surprise

Your Deadly Sins Lust: 100% Wrath: 100% Envy: 60% Greed: 20% Gluttony: 0% Pride: 0% Sloth: 0% Chance You'll Go to Hell: 40% You'll die of a yet to be discovered STD. How'>http://www.blogthings.com/how...
Posted by Sweetfuries on Thu, 20 Jul 2006 01:32:00 PST

Freaks

Ok, so summer is coming. This means one thing: Moonlit Matinees at the Oaks!!! Here's the schedule: May 27-28: FREAKS (1932)Can a full grown woman truly love a MIDGET? One of us, one of us We accept ...
Posted by Sweetfuries on Mon, 22 May 2006 09:03:00 PST

Lame Ass Post

I just realized how much I fuckin' missed spending time with the kids ( Twilz , Uriah, and Lovely Laura that is.) I totally lost who I was for a long ass time. It feels so great to be back. Me an...
Posted by Sweetfuries on Wed, 17 May 2006 01:46:00 PST

One Million Things That Drive Me Batshit

* People who put their kids on their answering machine message. * MySpace Chains: I sometimes repost them just to continue the chain and mess with people. I apologize for my assholery. *Those jag-offs...
Posted by Sweetfuries on Wed, 03 May 2006 03:56:00 PST

Blah-G

What is your name?ManniHow old are you?21When is your Birthday?June 25What is your zodiac sign?CancerWhere were you born?Pittsburgh, PAWhere do you live now?Pittsburgh, PAWhat color eyes do you hav...
Posted by Sweetfuries on Mon, 03 Apr 2006 03:13:00 PST

V

This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, th...
Posted by Sweetfuries on Tue, 21 Mar 2006 01:59:00 PST

So it's come to this...

I want people browsing the internet to think that I have friends, and that I'm well-liked. So if you would like to humor me, friend my ass.            ...
Posted by Sweetfuries on Wed, 25 Jan 2006 01:48:00 PST