Exempt Forever - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I spend way too much time on this website to say anything bad about it â€“ however, I am going to take a moment to say some bad things about myself: I am grouchy, impatient, obsessive, gassy, grabby, goofy, glum, giddy, guilty, gagged and tied (on a good night), facetious, sarcastic, sardonic, forgetful, confusing, creepy, forgetful, resentful, regretful, depressed â€“ and my hair is falling out. I often vacillate between childish potty humor and doomed seriousness. I try not to drink very much because I seem to like it more than I like having a driver's license â€“ or any kind of a future. A lot of people tell me that I'm cute and spontaneous and funny, but I can assure you that I am a bad lay and really not that much fun at all.
If I was President, I would legalize cloning so I could clone myself; then there would be a younger version of me that I could beat the shit out of start a band with.
Sometimes I get so sad, I wish that every flower in the universe would just FUCKING DIE! But lately I have been trying to redirect some of the negative energy into morbid jokes and musings that I like to write in my blog. I also write shitty, unrevised 'essays' that most English professors probably wouldn't wipe their asses with. Check the link below if you think you might be my kind of cybersex kitten.

My Interests

NOT making beats, NOT drinking, NOT meeting people, NOT blogging, NOT roller skating, NOT working out, NOT reading books, NOT taking night classes at the city college, NOT going to work, NOT talking to myself in the mirror... You know, I am mainly just interested in my thoughts; everything else is just an illusion.

I'd like to meet:

People who know I'm an asshole by word-of-mouth.

Books:

Poe, Kundera, and Vonnegut are probably my favorite story writers at this point in my life.I don't like Kafka fuckers who read Kafka and think it's cool to be bored out of your mind. Currently reading The Selfish Gene by Dawkins; my belief in God has finally disintegrated into nothing.

Heroes:

Frat boys, because at least they're honest with themselves.

My Blog

Taste the Rainbow

The porno girls who scream,full of cum and silicone They are my only companyon another night aloneThe fading breaths of pridedeep within me dieOld beyond my yearsSmall beyond my sizeBroke beyond my m...
Posted by Exempt Forever on Sun, 20 Apr 2008 08:45:00 PST

Evan Exempt: Emo Stand-Up @ Deja Vu, April 10th, 2008

Well, here it is, folks. All of the laughter was dubbed in by my videographer and editor, Chase Thompson.Evan Exempt: Emo Stand-Up 1 @ Deja Vu, Columbia, MO. .....
Posted by Exempt Forever on Fri, 18 Apr 2008 08:03:00 PST

"Eat! Fuck! Win!"

Every time I finish masturbating, I am struck by this great epiphany: the vapidity and pointlessness of sexual desire. But then, over the next few hours, the depth and significance of sexual des...
Posted by Exempt Forever on Thu, 17 Apr 2008 01:39:00 PST

Night of the Juggalos

Ignorant trailer trash, tripping on a bag of mushrooms Waiting in line at the gates of an Insane Clown Posse concert He has a tattoo of a pot leaf that he made with a razor blade and an ink pa...
Posted by Exempt Forever on Tue, 15 Apr 2008 12:13:00 PST

"Fuck me, baby..."

**I say: "Fuck me, baby. What does it matter? We're all going to die anyway."Coveted blissSelfish little diatribesReal tribes: saggy boobs and facial piercingsAfrican neck rings (cut...
Posted by Exempt Forever on Tue, 15 Apr 2008 07:18:00 PST

BUSTED

Busted knuckles Busted chops Getting busted by the cops Busted bottles Busted guts Wiping up my busted nuts Busted promise Busted truth Can't forget my busted youth Busted heart relationship ...
Posted by Exempt Forever on Mon, 14 Apr 2008 09:06:00 PST

Emotional Alchemy?? (Severe Mental Illness?)

I think there is something wrong with my brain. I think my projective reasoning chip is crosswired into my hopelessness cortex. I can rationally understand that there is good... all around me.Bu...
Posted by Exempt Forever on Sun, 13 Apr 2008 02:26:00 PST

Border Collie! Shotgun! Dad, I Think I Got One!

More charming Sunday morning conversation from the Jones family:Dad (staring out the back porch, across the pasture, at the pond): "Look at all those damn geese out there!" Mom: "...
Posted by Exempt Forever on Sun, 13 Apr 2008 08:01:00 PST

A List of Things I am Bad at

In the wake of my comedic defeat, I would like to focus on some other things that I am not good at.1) Bowling My nickname at the bowling alley is 'Gutterpunk'.2) ...
Posted by Exempt Forever on Sat, 12 Apr 2008 04:10:00 PST

...all alone (a poem)

There was a girl with locks of blonde who read my mind, but now she’s gone. I showed her my most naked poems, but now I stand here all alone. There was a girl with locks of red, and we...
Posted by Exempt Forever on Mon, 07 Apr 2008 07:49:00 PST