Greetings, my name is Richard Whiteman, and I've just announced my candidacy for Presidential Candidate of the Grand Old Party, the Republicans. We are the Party of Lincoln, Defender of Family Values, and the securers of our beloved Homeland.
After a long deliberation, I decided to run because I find that today's field of candidate lacks men of true moral character, who are willing to say and do the things neccessary to ensure that our great nation maintains its position of prosperity and dominance in the world.
As for my history, I served in the Navy from 1973 until 1977, at which point I attended Bob Jones University, where I earned my Bachelor's degree in Government, with a minor in Theology. From there, I attended law school at the University of Kansas.
Upon graduating, I went into practice as a constitutional lawyer employed by the Heritage Foundation. While there, I fought several important civil rights cases upholding a man's right to choose whether or not his wife is allowed to leave the house and the right for employers to hire based on the statistical prevalence of drug abuse in the applicants' ethnic categorization.
Sadly, due to the well known liberal bias of the court system, the Heritage Foundation was unable to make headway on any of these important topics. Seeing that my talents were ill used, I decided to run for Governor of my beloved home state of Kansas. The good people of the state chose me to serve, based on my stated platform of banning evolution from public life, and my strong support of Motherhood and apple pie.
My name is Richard Whiteman, and now I want to be your president.
