Freak Tension profile picture

Freak Tension

Horror Writer and Toxic Sludge Sales Person

About Me

My name is MP Johnson. I write horror stories. Want to read some of my stuff? Want more information about me? Want to get angry and chuck a scooter through someone's window? Sure you do. Go to my site and you can have it all!

www.freaktension.com

My Interests

If you can catch me when I'm not hungry or thinking about monsters eating your brain, you're a lucky person. Buy a lottery ticket.

I'd like to meet:

The man with an ax and a partially burned face. I know he will be waiting in the back seat of my car one day. I check almost every time I climb in, but it's not 100%. The one time I don't look first, I'm going to end up driving off the road because I'm trying to stop my head from rolling into the passenger seat.

Music:

I had a dream that Carmen Electra recorded an insane metal album with Today is the Day as her back up band. It was released by Relapse records and it was the best thing I had ever heard. Unfortunately, it isn't real.

Movies:

There will never be enough movies about punk zombies getting food poisoning because they ate bad brownies.

Television:

Adult shows suck! Kid shows rule!

Books:

Tomb of the Mutilated Monkey by Jean-Paul Sartre

Heroes:

Gutboy, the albino frog

My Blog

The Mighty M.O.D.

Two facts need to be known about Billy Milano, lead singer of M.O.D.:1. He is a big dude2. He is a fucking bad assNumber one was obvious the minute he hefted his mass onto the stage at Big V’s i...
Posted by Freak Tension on Sat, 15 Mar 2008 09:38:00 PST

Minotaur in Drag


Posted by Freak Tension on Sun, 24 Feb 2008 02:39:00 PST

Where to Spot an Idiot

If you're interested in going on some sort of idiot safari, a good place to start is the U.S. post office of your choice. I have had a nearly 100% success rate at idiot-spotting during my trips to the...
Posted by Freak Tension on Wed, 06 Feb 2008 03:56:00 PST

Dreamin’ M.O.D.

I dream about music a lot. Sometimes, I dream about upcoming concerts. Right now, I'm eagerly anticipating a Minneapolis show by legendary politically-incorrect thrashcore titans M.O.D. in March, so i...
Posted by Freak Tension on Tue, 29 Jan 2008 05:56:00 PST

Worst Show Ever

I have been to a lot of bad shows in my life. I have seen inept bands, bored crowds, evil bouncers and all the rest. However, it wasn't until last night that I attended a show that I can officially ca...
Posted by Freak Tension on Fri, 18 Jan 2008 05:39:00 PST

3000

Have you ever gotten together with a group of people and formed the number 3000 for an aerial photograph? As of this week, I can say that I have. I can say that, because my company released 3000 of ou...
Posted by Freak Tension on Thu, 15 Nov 2007 06:06:00 PST

Feeling Better Now

I missed my blogging appointment last week due to a terrible Halloween accident. Like I do every year, I sat down on my kitchen floor with a dull knife and a pumpkin, ready to carve a jackolantern. I ...
Posted by Freak Tension on Thu, 01 Nov 2007 03:10:00 PST

Poopacabra and the Horror Con

Last weekend, I attended a horror convention in St. Paul called Arcana. I was asked to participate in a couple panels. One of them was on the topic of cryptozoology. So I prepared a piece on the topic...
Posted by Freak Tension on Thu, 18 Oct 2007 04:05:00 PST

Comic Book Convention

I went to the comic book convention this weekend. Believe it or not, it was the first one I ever attended. I saw many people dressed up as their favorite superheroes... that is, if their favorite supe...
Posted by Freak Tension on Thu, 11 Oct 2007 05:46:00 PST

I Can’t Grow a Beard

In normal men, facial hair is pretty simple. It grows out of the face and neck. Sure, the growth isn't always even. Maybe there's a scar here or there where hair won't grow, but essentially it works. ...
Posted by Freak Tension on Thu, 04 Oct 2007 06:24:00 PST