Ron Burgundy™

MyGen Profile GeneratorI was born the eighth son of Claude & Dorthy Burgundy In Hagalworth, Iowa. I descend from a long line of anchormen dating back to Paul Revere who many people consider to be the first anchorman. My father, Claude Burgundy, was a famous Radio Reporter who filed the very first report on the attack of Pearl Harbor. And though his lead "Koreans Attack America" later proved to be incorrect, he did show great calm under fire and was able to keep his suit spotless while being machine gunned by Japenese zeros for four hours. From the moment I was born I seemed destined to be an anchorman. Doctors commented on my full head of hair which seemed to have a natural part even as I emerged from my Mother's whom. I was a precious little one-year-old, who's first words were "The Alderman denied the allegations." By the age of nine I already had a full mustache which I groomed daily with an assortment of brushes. I also demostrated a manly comforting pre-pubscenet baritone. This powerful & authoritative voice allowed me to hail cabs and purchase liquor and cigarettes for my grade school friends. When I was 11 I was reading the news over the intercome at school. I was so trusted this one time when I accidentally said Christmas was on October 25th my whole entire school stayed home to decorate their trees. My hobbies tended to be more mature and manly than my friends. While those other kids collected baseball cards and made snowmen, I collected driftwood furniture and vacationed in Tahoe. After high school I went on to broadcasting school in Vermont. But my academic career was to be short lived. On the first day of school a local news talent scout heard me arguing with a cafeteria worker over the baked stuff potatoes and knew that he had found gold. The notes of the scout said it all: "He's got the best pipes I've ever heard. Burgundy has a vascular lung capacity like a bull elephant. He's a stud." Of course, I was hired as an anchorman for the CBS affiliate in Tallahassee, Florida. It was destiny even though I had some growing pains, I accidentally announced that we had won the war in Vietnam. But I soon caught the eye of larger market scouts and within months I was working in San Diego where I became the dominant force of the airwaves. When your responcible for reading the news to a city of millions, you need a gentle touch. So everynight when I sit behind that news desk I pretend my city is a frightened lady. Who needs my strong and assuring voice to comfort her. Do we make love?... Well that depends on the broadcast. But if there was a way I could make love to the whole city... Brother my drawers would be off and on the floor in two winks of a coal miners eye. You know what I'm talking about... I'm talking about sexual intercourse. Few people know that I Ron Burgundy am a model train enthusiest. Even fewer people know that about 10 years ago I killed a man in a bar fight. It was in Minnesota and I'll be honest... I just ran. I never heard from the police and I'm not exactly about to give them a call, if you know what I mean. Every now and then I still take out his wallet and think... Steve Darcy you poor son of a bitch. I now live a simple life of reading poetry, taking walks with my beloved terrier Baxter and drinking Glenlivet three fingers at a time. I will be the first to tell you that I try to follow one simple motto: "When the chips are down its time to dig deep and go for all the marbles... and if that doesn't work maybe fake an injury or pretend you have somewhere else to be and then later claim that no one won cause you never finished and one of these days let's have a rematch but not right now because my shoulder is killing me." I could literally go on forever telling you about myself so I'm gonna cut it off here. If there's anything else you would like to know about Papa Burgundy, drop me a line.YOU STAY CLASSY MYSPACE!! ..Myspace Online Now Icons